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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Is the atmosphere in joint families more healthier?

    I was reading an article where it was mentioned that a joint family where people live with their parents is a better place and has more positivity. The author explained that living with elders creates an atmosphere of affection and love in the house.

    I was just pondering over whether the argument has any merit. I feel that yes to some extent it seems to be true that when we are with our elders we always feel to be blessed and guided in their presence. We also feel ourselves more responsible to the family and naturally our children will also imbibe these positive traits.

    What do you think about this matter? Is the atmosphere in such homes more healthier?
  • #650181
    Though I am not from a joint family, but I feel the atmosphere is really helpful for a child's growth. Nowadays, many kids stay at home without the parents for a significant time because both the parents are working. As a result it is found that many of those kids do not get the needed warmth and care from the parents.

    There are options available like creche or day care centres where kids can enjoy with other kids but to many families it is not affordable. In that case the joint family system caters to the needs of the kid during the absence of parents and they always get a suitable company of grandparents or other elders in the family.

    Other than this, during any crisis faced by any member of the family there is always a helping hand who can guide to come out of the situation. Kids or adults alike everybody needs the love and affection, so a family which has more people to care for, naturally there will be more affection. But ego among the different family members of the joint family doesn't bring any positivity in the atmosphere and may play a major role to break down the joint structure.


    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"

  • #650187
    Its good to have a joint family as its a healthy atmosphere in such families.

    Thats right as in today's competitive world when both husband and wife have to work to compete in that case its child's grand parents who take care of them.

    Also when parents grow old they need moral and physical support which is provided when we have a joint family.

    No doubt there are disagreements and disputes among the family members but thats normal as it happens in families but its better to unite then to live separately.


    " It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not" ... Andre Gide

  • #650188
    There was a reason why the joint family system worked, in the past, and there's a reason why the trend ended.

    In the past, the patriarch headed the family. He could be the grandfather or the eldest son - he made all the decisions. And nothing could be done without his consent. He 'controlled' everything, including the finances and everybody's 'personal space'. This person's wife was the matriarch – she 'controlled' the household affairs, and the illiterate daughters-in-law and was the intermediary between the family and the patriarch.

    Everyone lived in the ancestral property, or in a house that the patriarch provided. Jobs were distributed – everyone was told what to do. There was no say in the matter.

    As times changed the sons began moving to bigger towns and cities and setting up their own families. They began dreaming of a bright future, especially for their kids, and the rest of the clan did not fit into this dream. The sons now owned the houses they lived in, they were no longer living in their father's house and were their own bosses.

    The wives, perhaps educated, did not like being 'controlled' by a domineering mother-in-law. They sought independence and freedom, after all, it was their home and their family.

    Changing circumstances changed the attitude of members within families. Given this backdrop, I don't think the joint family system is healthy, not in today's world. I'll explain my reasons in the next post.

    Leadership is having a compelling vision, a comprehensive plan, relentless implementation, and talented people working together - Alan Mulally

  • #650190
    In all the posts that I read about the joint family system, the one thing that stands out is the benefits. Does that not make it an arrangement of convenience?

    We want our old parents to babysit our children, to supervise the maid, to do the grocery shopping, to take the children to the park. And parents look at the arrangement for their own selfish reasons.

    Where is love, in all this? Shouldn't families be together out of love? Should there have to be benefits, to make something good and acceptable? Why are we so self-interested? Can we not have our parents live with us because we love them, without looking at what we gain from the arrangement?

    The merits of the joint-family system look like a business deal, where we stand to profit, and yet, the system is on the decline. Why is it so? It is because the most important things that keep families together is never ever mentioned. Yes, love - there is no love in the relationship.

    My advice to parents is to sow the right seeds, so they grow into love. The root of the problem lies in how you raise your kids. Create beautiful memories with them, shower them with love, communicate and build a bond. Every relationship needs to work. Being born to you doesn't mean that your kids will be with you throughout. It is how you impact their growing years that counts.

    Leadership is having a compelling vision, a comprehensive plan, relentless implementation, and talented people working together - Alan Mulally

  • #650191
    A good thread bringing out one of the contemporary issues.

    Traditionally, we had joint families in our country. These were very successful as there was a cordial environment as well as good discipline imposed by the elders. The elder cared the younger and younger people paid them respect.

    With modernisation, these relationships were adversely affected. The financial considerations forced the housewives to opt for jobs and the housekeeping was given to the servants and the elders started to feel neglected in their own house.

    These changing lifestyles created confrontations and misunderstandings between the family members and the joint family set up started to disintegrate.

    Today, though many families are still in joint family mode, many others have gone to the nuclear family mode living in an aloof and isolated home environment.

    Social psychologists study the behaviour of people in different environments and analyse their behaviour. They can give a better analysis whether joint families are better or the nuclear ones.

    In any case, if people can cordially live under one roof as a compact and caring family, there is nothing like that.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #650201
    The fact is that due to changing trend the life style too has gotten with much change around us. Our previous generations had a different configuration in context to changing scenario & so is the case with the present generation as well. Accordingly we had different needs earlier which are not easy to match up with the needs of the present circumstances. We may possibly be relate this to the problems of generation gap which doesn't allow the existence of joint family.

  • #650205
    Joint families are diminishing these days. Not due to the mentality or attitude of the individuals. It is happening due to necessity. Earlier days the wishes and aspirations of the people are very limited and they used to adjust themselves within the available facilities. But times are changing. People's dependence on the ancestral property is coming down. Many people are opting for jobs and hence they are forced to move out from their native places. As such we are feeling that people are not interested in joint families.
    One should not take everything as a business. We should not always think of benefits and losses. Sometime if necessary we may have to suffer for the benefit of our family members. We should not mind that. If everything we want to see as a business, it is better not to have a joint family. The affection we get from our elders and the happiness we get from our younger family members will be so nice to enjoy and this can't be measured by any units, I feel.

    always confident

  • #650218
    I was born and brought up in a small close knit family of four. I had grandparents, who were in our village and most of my cousins lived and studied there. No doubt they received a lot of affection and guidance from my elders, which we felt at some point in our teenage life missing. But as I grew up, I realized in a joint family like my own, it was very difficult to study and get good grades, as there was so much of disturbance and chaos. My mother wanted to make us, something in Life and specially as a girl child, we had ambitions, seeds of which were sown by my mother. She couldnot visualize our future like that, doing household chores, busy in serving tea and gossping.
    Joint families are a thinng of past era, not relevant in today's superfast world. I now understand, the culture in these western countries as well, where Parents and children do not live in a single house as soon as kids grow up. It is not the culture, and it is not wrong. Parents like their freedom as well. There is no boundation to immerse self, and revolve themselves only around kids and their future.
    They have their own identity as well. Kids are not the one who define the Parents anymore. Same goes in opposite sense as well.

    Iti Tyagi
    "Soar to Success"

  • #650348
    Joint family system has many advantages over secular family.
    1.Good child care is possible in joint family system if both husband and wife employed.
    2.High value of rent, repeated expenditure can be shared.
    3.Domestic work can be shared equally and thereby overtireness get reduced.
    4.Responsibility of home maintenance will be less as the same is getting shared by family members.
    All the above merits are possible only if proper understanding, egoless behaviour followed by every member of the house.

  • #651284
    I grew up in a joint family. I was not lucky to have my grandparents alive but my uncles, aunts and, cousins lived together as one unit. Being the youngest of all I received lots of attention not only from parents but from each and every family member. It will be wrong to say that there was no difference of opinion, even against views were raised strongly but the emotional attachment was so strong that in the end everything got sorted out amicably.

    Whoever fell ill, the whole family took care of that member with utmost sincerity. Life was fun and in the process taught everyone how to become a responsible person. This family background has really helped me to adjust well in a new family after my marriage.

    While pointing out the goodness of the joint family system I must say that it's not free of shortcomings too. I believe, a joint family becomes a hit when the head of the family considers everyone important and never tries to dominate. The contribution of money for the family expenditure should not be the scale to ascertain the importance of the person in the family. Everyone should be respected. If a joint family does not follow the principles of equality then it's better to have a nuclear family.

    I personally love the joint family system only because I grew up in a healthy atmosphere which was absolutely apt for a joint family to exist.


  • #651287
    Joint family or nuclear family, an issue discussed very much. Opinions differ mainly based on experiences. No doubt a joint family set up has several advantages compared to nuclear system. Sharing duties in a family set up is the major advantage of a joint family. As pointed out in one of the responses above, a nuclear family takes their parents with them as a baby sitter or as a helper for going to market.
    In several families joint family set up fail because of the confrontation between mother in law and daughter in law. In olden days only joint family set up was very common. Main reason for the same was that the families depended on agriculture for their living. Since agriculture needed joint effort it was necessitated. The more the number of members in a family, the less they depended on hired Labour. That was an advantage for joint family.
    When industrialisation came job avenues in other sectors, especially in industrial and commercial sectors, attracted people and forced many to town areas. This started the cutting of sizes of agriculture based families.
    Thus the nuclear families started coming up and lead to the construction of more houses. Slowly such houses became nuclear and started the demolition of joint family.


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