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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Will a proposal to marry amount to sexual harassment?

    My dear fellow ISCians,

    We are now hearing and talking much about sexual harassment in workplaces. I have a small doubt. In an office environment, if an unmarried man or an unmarried woman falls in love with the other sex and propose them for marriage by saying, "I love you. Will you marry me?"

    Will it amount to sexual harassment by the man or woman? Should the man or woman lodge a complaint to their superiors that they are being sexually harassed?

    Give a good thought to it and post your responses.
  • #651268
    Let me tackle the issue from a practical point of view.

    (a) If a woman/man proposes, and the other one accepts, then there is no question of harassment.
    (b) If a man proposes and the woman disposes, then the woman can complain of harassment.
    (c) If the woman proposes and the man disagrees, even then the woman can complain of harassment and mental agony.

    So, let us try to avoid office romance. I have already written a Forum post, which I can't trace right now. If I can locate it, I would post a link of the same.

    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #651270
    I do not think that a proposal to marry would amount to sexual harassment unless the person in question starts stalking the other one and causes him/her mental agony, it can amount to mental harassment which is equally not acceptable.

    Sexual harassment is defined as unwanted sexual advances or obscene remarks. So clearly, a marriage proposal would not amount to sexual harassment unless the person tries to forcefully get it done in his/her way, disregarding other person's choice.

  • #651272
    Official definition and practical happenings may be way different. I have seen some cases where serious problems cropped up over a simple proposal of meeting outside the office.
    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #651278
    I don't think just to propose someone for marrying is not a sexual harassment. It is when some one is stalking or saying bad words or try to do something physical. Just to propose for marriage is not.

    " It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not" ... Andre Gide

  • #651279
    The author seems to be obsessed with sexual harassment at workplaces. In the circumstances mentioned by the author, it all depends upon how the person being proposed takes it. He or she may get offended and take it as a harassment. They may take it casually and accept it or not.
    " Be Good and Do Good "

  • #651362
    If someone proposes a marriage and if the other persons say "NO", the matter should be stopped there. In such case, it will not come under sexual harassment at workplaces.
    But if the person is trying to plead with the other and trying to pressurise the other person to accept the proposal, it will become a case of harassment.

    always confident

  • #651430
    The employee handbook of my previous employer in the USA says "repeated proposals for dating or marriage will be considered as a sexual offence.".

    So, I think just proposing will not be considered as sexual harassment unless it was done in a manner that really harasses or insult or cause mental stress to the person.

    Tony John
    Webmaster -

  • #651440
    It simply depends upon the situation and circumstances and willingness of the involved parties. If it is a one side act then it definitely amounts to sexual harassment. Love affair is only acceptable when it is from the both sides.

    If a person is just asking the hand of another person for marriage without any earlier story it is highly objectionable and beyond the basic etiquette. So one should be very cautious and careful in this respect.

    A last minute no from the other party also makes a full stop in such cases as other members have also opined and I also fully agree that in such cases one should stop it immediately.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #651473
    When I was working at a firm, one of the guy used to pat on my back and used to slide his hand to my lower back (starting from neck), I told him directly, I dont like this. He continued to do so, and infact used to loudly joke "Sir, she harasses me", when I once really hit him hard. No doubt that company was bad and I had to leave that firm (not because of this, I handled it, with my own way, abusing him, in front of HR and opening the door when doing so, it was difficult as no one was taking any action and I was out of my options to stop it). I was a strong one and no doubt, what I faced after that with ease, is not at all possible for average female. He used to propose me for marriage as well. That is not sexual harassment for me. That is MOLESTATION for me with sexual pervert intent. I keep this word still the same on my grounds.
    I was repeatedly asked to marry by a fellow ISCian, and on facebook (not in ISC messages). I consider that as immature and I stopped responding, and blocked that person. For me that is neither molestation, nor sexual harassment. That is stalking and mental harassment, and I dealt with it.
    Sexual molestation is when someone is doing something more than molestation. Touching the person at wrong areas and making the other person uncomfortable.
    But for others, who am I to judge. I studied in Haryana, and used to face eve teasing, molestation every day. But dealt with it, with best possible way I could.

    Iti Tyagi
    "Soar to Success"

  • #651480

    Though glad to know you dealt with the problem effectively, it is very upsetting to know about the harassment done by a fellow member. Just not acceptable.

    When you make a commitment, you create hope. When you keep a commitment you create trust! ~ John C. Maxwell

  • #651498
    Iti, with regard to the unacceptable act by a fellow member, you stopped responding to that fellow member and blocked his ID and thus ensured that he does not trouble you any more. But you should have reported the matter directly to the WM/ ME so as to ensure that such a weakling is ousted from the site. You should have anticipated that he may play the same trick with some others too. Silence can bring in unwanted or even dangerous results.

    Coming to the query by Sun, I think his doubt must have been cleared by now with so many responses coming in. So, by concluding that merely proposing for a marriage does not amount to sexual harassment, I think this thread can be locked now.

    'Any fool can know. The point is to understand."- Albert Einstein

  • #651501
    Why a lock to this interesting thread?Why are you in a hurry to lock the thread? It is only a two days old thread. There could be members absent from the site might return and post their views on this subject.

    I wish this thread live for ten days and see its natural death. If it is harmful to ISC or you or any other member in anyway?

    I must say that you are not allowing the threads to live and complete their allotted days. This act really discourages the members to initiate any new thread for discussion.

    No life without Sun

  • #651502
    Proposing to marry someone can't be considered as sexual harassment. Proposing, again and again, is causing mental disturbance and agony, but even then it is not sexual harassment. The next stage beyond that would become sexual harassment.
    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #651503
    "But you should have reported the matter directly to the WM/ ME so as to ensure that such a weakling is ousted from the site. "----------------I strongly condemn the objectionable action by a person who happens to be a member of this site. But can ISC logically take action against a member for his/her activities in another site?
    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #651507
    Partha, please read the response at #651473 properly.

    Sun, ten days is not a mandatory period. You asked a question and many members have responded sufficiently enough to clear your doubts. Please note that a thread may also be locked once the purpose for which it has been raised is achieved. However, we are leaving it open as you suggested but please note that offshoots from the main thread will not be permitted.

    'Any fool can know. The point is to understand."- Albert Einstein

  • #651509
    Mr. Saji Ganesh: The young lady's action in the past was very prudent. She handled the situation extremely well and so, she deserves appreciation. But your response (#651498) is not so prudent.
    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #651518
    ISC is not limited to a few members. While there are tons of registered members numbering over ten lakhs, very few are active, and few are less active.
    Only 9 (just Nine) members posted their response to my query including Web Master Tony John. As an Editor, you never posted your views on the subject.

    No life without Sun

  • #651527
    Partha, I reiterate, please read the response at #651473 properly before coming up with off the mark comments.

    Sun, though not as a direct response, I think I have made my position clear vide my response at #651507 wherein I have stated that your query appears to have been sufficiently answered by the responding members.

    'Any fool can know. The point is to understand."- Albert Einstein

  • #651530
    @Iti, you dealt with bravery at your workplace and took a good action of leaving that firm but thats not a solution, that person should have been punished for his deeds.

    Also I am asking just for curiosity why didn't you report that fellow ISCian to editors they might have helped you better.

    Its really sad we don't stop such person at first instance and let them do what they were doing. I believe that person who worked with you in that firm may be finding someone else to harass. Had he been punished that time itself he might not get the courage to do the same with someone else.


    " It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not" ... Andre Gide

  • #651537
    Partha rightly said that the happenings in other sites cannot be dealt with by ISC Admin. If it was reported, ISC would have not acted stating that it was not their domain or jurisdiction. Knowing this inability of ISC, the member Iti did not think of reporting it to ISC as she was courageous to handle the guy by blocking him. Moreover, she might have had a good heart and thought not to harm that indecent ISC member.
    No life without Sun

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