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  • Category: Creative Writing

    Two small but bizarre experiments: My humble efforts are for your comments please

    The man very lovingly gave the little boy a chocolate bar. The boy hesitated, the man gently persuaded. The boy consumed it, felt a bit dizzy. The man took him on his lap. He lovingly carried him to the hill-top.

    They reached the cave at the hill-top. There were heavy shackles inside the tent for little children like him. The man lovingly tied the shackles on his wrists and legs.

    The boy's mom had instructed him again and again: 'Don't eat anything given by unknown people'.

    Alas! He didn't listen to his mother.

    --------------------------------------------------------

    The man told the child: "Baby, Sweet dreams. Sleep peacefully."

    He also assured the child that there was no terrible killer waiting in the darkness.

    In the darkness, the sleepy five-year-old didn't realize that it wasn't the father who spoke; but a terrible man who was talking after murdering him.
  • #656338
    Once I met a Muslim guy on a bus. He was sitting alongside me. It was the time of demonetization. We were discussing seriously. In between, he offered me some biscuits. I politely told him that it was not a good practice to offer or accept eatables from co-passengers during a bus/train journey. Also, I quoted him many bitter incidents. He said Allah has said that we should share the things we eat. I told him You are right. It could be from Allah at home, not by Allah on the journey. It was from the Allah of the past, not the Allah of the present day. The present-day Allah would say - Don't eat anything that is offered to you during the journey.

    He accepted me and said that he would not offer anything to anybody during a journey, in future.

    No life without Sun

  • #656342
    There is a change in the attitude of the people these days. We are not able to believe anybody these days. So we always say small children not to accept any chocolates or biscuits or any other eatables from unknown and new people. Even though the other person is genuine we are not able to believe him. Similarly, other people also may not believe us. So it is better not to offer anybody our food while on the journey.
    One of my distinct relatives was travelling on a bus alone. She sat in the ladies seat. By the side of her, another lady was sitting. She appeared very good and started talking to my relative. They travelled almost an hour together. Meanwhile, the bus stopped at a bus stop and the driver and conductor went for tea. My relative has to go to the washroom. So she asked the co-passenger to take care of the luggage and went. After coming back she searched for the lady whom she requested to take care of the bag. As she was talking very politely to her and sitting by the side of her she asked her to take care of the bag. Immediately my relative opened the bag and seen. the purse inside the bag is intact. She opened the purse. The money in the purse is missing.
    That is how sometimes we will get deceived by the people.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #656349
    Actually, I have tried to write two different micro-short stories. I have requested the opinion of the Members who have read these two stories without any title.
    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #656353
    Partha,
    I could understand the short story but could not understand your intention behind the short stories.

    No life without Sun

  • #656354
    I have already indicated my intention at the caption itself. It is an experiment of writing bizarre micro-short stories. I don't know whether I have been successful, or not.
    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #656356
    A good try in writing micro stories where some important issues of contemporary life are highlighted.

    Children are time and again instructed by their parents not to accept eatables but they are influenced by the good but fake behaviour of the strangers and then the offender executes his wishes successfully.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #656357
    Frankly speaking, you are missing the line somewhere. The first Micro-short story may be extending a message but not the second one. The response by Dr.Rao is an extension or rather an explanation of the story which you tried to put forth before the reader.

    Micro-short stories can't be a two or four liner shlokas of the Geetha to present an immense meaning. As you said it is an experiment, try further to get a proper result!

    Regards,
    Jagdish

  • #656398
    Sincere thanks to Mr. Patro for his comments. However, I would only say that I didn't want to give any message through these stories. I tried to write bizarre stories. I don't believe in giving messages, I only like to describe.

    However, I would definitely try to improve my writing.

    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #656400
    The first story was a good attempt. Actually, that's how the kids are tempted. The little boy hesitated at the beginning because of his mother's instruction of not eating anything given by an unknown person. After persuasion, the little boy finally agreed and the rest is described in the story. Let alone kids, at times adults also behave in the same fashion. At times people get almost hypnotised by the persuader and they act without thinking of any prior warning.

    The second story was strange, couldn't understand the meaning properly. At first, I felt the two stories are connected, but after reading everything again I got to know that they are different.

    Sankalan

    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"


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