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This thread is the winner of the TOW award for the week 20th to 26th Jan '19.
  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Is it correct to compare present day woman to yesteryear woman?

    Should we be comparing present-day women to those of yesteryears? Do we see a difference in their attitude? Should men adapt to the changing situations or should they still be equating their wives to their mothers or grandmothers? Let us have a practical discussion.

    A thread which was about a traditional dish has led me to start this thread. Some members very strongly condemned the women of the present era. They feel that presently the ladies are interested in watching mega serials but not interested in cooking. Some have opined that working ladies do not give importance to prepare traditional dishes rather would prefer to have home delivery for various occasions.

    Most of them compared the women of today with their mothers and grandmothers. They have underestimated the women who have the responsibility of their family. I feel sad that how men quite easily blame the women of the house.

    I have a few questions to ask the men:

    1. Do they like to have wives who are not educationally qualified?

    2. If they are working women then do you share some household responsibilities when you are back home?

    3. Suppose she is not working but have to take care of the family for 365 days, while on off days men are busy in surfing sports, news and movie channels, so what's wrong in ladies watching their favourite shows?

    There are numerous questions, but with this thread, I want to point out that men expect a lot from women. If men learn to appreciate, then they can see that there are ladies who love to cook, take care of every detail of their home and are successful career women. Many may not have taken up career but devotes a whole lot of time to the family. Yes, exceptions are there, but every woman does not fall in the laid-back category.

    There are some men too who do not criticise women, but many put every blame on women's shoulder. What do you say?
  • #657162
    Very interesting as well as a thought provoking post by the author.

    Traditionally, women took the household responsibilities and men worked outside. With the advent of education and modernisation, things have drastically changed and the equations for work distribution in the house have also changed considerably.

    The men dominance is still seen in our society and such a deep rooted thing is not going to be wiped out so soon.

    In many families where women are not working, there is no change. They run to kitchen as soon as the husband returns from office. In fact, they like it to prepare some tea or snacks and offer to the husband.

    Most of the women are responsible and sincere in their work whether it is kitchen or office. There are few who may be escaping from it. Then there are equal number of men who also escape from their work. It is not a matter of gender. It is a matter of opportunity.

    The working wonen knows her rights well. She can threat the husband to leave the house with the children. She is not financially dependent on anyone.

    The large number of divorces in developed countries are a proof of that. There, women will not tolerate any injustice to her.

    All said, still women have to get their fair share in society. In those houses where servants are employed, she gets some relief otherwise household management is still assumed her baby only.

    Men will take advantage of the soft and submissive nature of women but women also should be now bold and tell her rights in clear words and should have no inhibition in exhibiting that.

    In future things are going to change a lot and it is no surprise that modalities of running the household will be discussed and negotiated along with the marriage proposal.

    It is still a long journey for women and the path is full of obstacles.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #657172
    There are many changes in our lifestyle. The changes are there in everywhere. So there is no point in thinking that ladies should not change and they should be like our grand old women. These days ladies are multitaskers. They do many works at a time. They work and earn money. They take care of the family. If anybody wants any help they will come forward.
    If a person expects his wife should be like his grandmother, first he should be like her grandfather. How many men can be like that? When you can't be like that how can you expect her to be like that?
    These days education is very important. When I married my wife passed SSC. After marriage, I encouraged her to study and she has completed her graduation.
    My wife is not employed anywhere. But I will try to help her in her works to the maximum extent possible.
    We go together for movies. She is not interested in seeing serials. But she likes to watch devotional channels and every day she enjoys that. I have no problems at all.

    always confident

  • #657181
    The author has raised three questions, the answer of which will be different for different Members. Let me first answer these questions. This is the position in my family only.
    " 1. Do they like to have wives who are not educationally qualified?----------No. But what is the relationship between educational qualification and capability of cooking traditional food? My mother is a Post-Graduate and she used to cook delicious and traditional foods till 1998. After that the physicians have strongly advised her against cooking due to medical reasons. My wife is a Post-Graduate and she is interested in cooking foreign foods, only occasionally.
    2. If they are working women then do you share some household responsibilities when you are back home?-----------Yes, I do. But I would be brutally honest here. Due to my incompetence and laziness, I share only 20% of the household work, instead of 50%.
    3. Suppose she is not working but have to take care of the family for 365 days, while on off days men are busy in surfing sports, news and movie channels, so what's wrong in ladies watching their favourite shows?----------Although sometime I feel unhappy because of my wife's Whatsapp addiction, I generally don't intrude in her personal 'space'.

    I, as an old-timer (mentally), crave for traditional Bengali foods which I don't get nowadays. But I don't blame anyone for this.

    Come on, have a fight. Don't shoot and scoot.

  • #657195
    The situation is changing but only for the educated and employed ladies and I understand that there number is very less as compared to the total female population.

    Most of the women are still engaged in the household chore of course not by compulsion but as a choice as prevalent in our society. As they are financially dependent on their spouse they can not think beyond those boundaries.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #657230
    It's nice to see that this thread is open for practical discussion. Thank you very much.

    Now, let me make my point regarding the connection between educational qualification and preparing traditional food. It's very true that there is no connection between a woman's education and her cooking for the family. I raised the point because when it is said that women of the present are not like the ladies of the yesteryear, the first question comes to mind is that how many ladies of past era were well qualified. Their family brainwashed them that once they grew up, they would get married and must look after everything of the new family first and then think about their personal interest. Going out for a job was a rare case, so most of the ladies had more time and invested some extra hours in cooking specialities to satisfy the in-laws. What happened to their wish? Their parents made them understand, that they were born to cook delicacies for the family. At present, most of the ladies also act according to their wish, and they never undermine the rest of the family members too. Thus, one might not like to cook which the males of the present age must learn to accept. Almost every woman is qualified, and some of them might dislike kitchen work rather would like to spend time in another pursuit.

    The problem is, men of this day have become very greedy. They want their wives to be a good cook at home, a smart partner in parties, a working professional to equally share the family finances, and so on. It usually does not happen in most of the cases, and then comes out all the grievances.


  • #657265
    This is a pity that still when women are taking responsibility at home and work outside for financial help of the family still they are blamed if anything goes wrong. Its high time when men should treat them equally. Yes, men have become greedy as well as lazy because they dont want to touch the household work as well as they want someone to support them financially.

    " It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not" ... Andre Gide

  • #657270
    A very nice thread by the author which shows how habituated people are to compare one with the other without thinking about the situation. The situation has completely changed from yesteryears, so this comparison of present-day women with the yesteryear women is absolutely illogical. Nowadays, many women are going out to work and they efficiently manage their homes too. We cannot expect a lady to do everything and the household chores must be equally shared by men too.

    Earlier, men used to manage the economic affairs by working and the household chores were managed by the womenfolk. This was the tradition and many males are habituated to this thought process. They always think that the work in the kitchen is for women and from this logic they try to compare their wives with their own mothers. Actually, the comparison is a habit of a few people and they try to compare everything without thinking of the changed scenario. There is no point in comparing or blaming women. In a family, men and women should cooperate with one another so that the family can run smoothly.


    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"

  • #657334
    In Logic there is a fallacy named unsound analogy which is indicating wrong comparison. Similar to that the both should never be compared as both activities are situation based. But in those days ladies acted as ashtavadhaanis and dasaavadhanis. But now present ladies many are not like that.
    One mother nurtured four sons in those days but no son nurtures the one mother.
    My mother administered whole family (joint family)consists of eight members in those days without the help of others but my wife (for the simple reason of going for job)ask me to assist in home activities consists total three persons-husband,wife and one small child.
    Everything based on necessity only. If the husband earns well the wife need not opt job going and administer the home well. Because of this lacuna many children got polluted in character as all children are good by birth but become good and bad later only on mother's care.
    My co-brother's son (engineering Graduate) comments his engineer father how he missed to learn Computer engineering. He do not aware that in those days the computer was not in vogue. Like this the comparison of present ladies and old period ladies.
    I do not accept that the present ladies are wise than old age ladies as present ladies are slaves of situation.

  • #657356
    It is not said that the ladies of the present era are wiser than their mothers and grandmothers. It is only said that education of the present day mothers has helped in many ways such as financial support, independence and I would like to add another point that is children cannot easily fool their mothers. Earlier ladies did not have any control over the monthly budget, but now the ladies can manage it well, keep track of it and decide accordingly.

    In olden days, mothers used to involve their daughters for household chores but not their sons. Naturally, the males considered it as a rule and hardly ever thought to extend their help to complete the domestic duties. Presently, mothers try to involve their sons also which makes them learn that domestic job is no mean job and they learn to co-operate.

    I come from a very big joint family where we never expected our brothers or the males of the upper generation to help us in doing the regular chores when domestic help took leave. The mindset changed a bit when my eldest brother went abroad and stayed there for a few years. Whenever he came to India, he wanted to help the ladies of the house. It helped my youngest brother to learn to do some domestic work. Now, I teach my son to clean the table, wash his plate and so on.

    It helps to respect every work irrespective of its nature. The boys become independent and realise that they should not consider themselves to be the privileged class. One must not consider that a woman has to do every household chore even if she is a working lady. I am not in a profession but still, I teach my son to become independent in domestic level too.

    I request all the males to have some empathy towards the women of the present era. That's how one would understand what duties she performs regularly.


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