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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Hiding information during marriage negotiations

    During the match making process or marriage negotiations it is common for people to show that their son or daughter is the best in the world and in that mindset they start hiding crucial information and somehow push the marriage and get rid of their responsibilities.

    It has some devastating effects later in the married life when the couple and the families come to know these deficiencies or shortcomings. It leads to bitterness and people feel cheated by wrong information. This even becomes a matter of unending fights between the husband and wife.

    Why should we hide things? Negotiations under transparent ways are always successful for a long term relationship.

    What do the members think about this?
  • #657601
    Truth and Transparency won't help in setting up marriages. In Tamil there is a proverb - " Aayiram Poysolli Oru Thirumanathai Nadathu" means - Tell a thousand lies (if required) and conduct a marriage. If we are truthful and honest, all on earth will remain as bachelor forever. There are things to be hidden and not to be hidden.
    No life without Sun

  • #657602
    A very good thread indeed. In India, marriages develop new relationship between families. Hiding information during pre-marriage discussion is a sure-shot way of the souring of relationship and complications between two families and two partners.
    Come on, have a fight. Don't shoot and scoot.

  • #657607
    Should marriage be a negotiation?
    When you make a commitment, you create hope. When you keep a commitment you create trust! ~ John C. Maxwell

  • #657608
    I also didn't like the word 'negotiation'. But definitely pre-marriage introduction/discussion should be free, frank and truthful.
    Come on, have a fight. Don't shoot and scoot.

  • #657610
    For finalising a marriage between a couple, one should not hide any truth or one should not exaggerate the issues. Only facts should be told. Otherwise, after getting married, it will become a problem. Generally, the talks before finalisation of the match will happen. In that talks, one should give only correct information.
    I know a family, the boy's father told the other party the salary of his son higher than what he is actually getting. The marriage is over and the girl came to know about the correct salary of her husband. What respect she will have towards her father in law when she knows that her father in law bluffed.
    In some cases, the issue will become serious and may go up to divorce also, So no wrong information or manipulated information should be given during the match finalisation. This relation should be a life long relationship and not for a day or two. This fact should be kept in mind before talking anything in the marriage talks.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #657611
    Yes, this is very common among people. Usually, parents hide the negative thing about a boy or a girl as they fear if they reveal it then marriage may not be fixed.

    This is wrong as whatever we hide before marriage is going to open after the marriage which will create more problems afterwards which parents don't understand. I have seen people if their son/daughter is Manglik they even don't give the correct time of birth so that the other party may not come to know about it. I believe it's better not to marry if things are being hidden. Parents should understand that by doing so they spoil the married life of their kids.

    Sanjeev

    " It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not" ... Andre Gide

  • #657612
    Members have repeatedly been requested not to merely repeat the same words as uttered by others. Please, can we not have individual, independent views? Lengthy responses which are hollow, being empty of one's own opinions do not make for a good discussion in any thread.
    When you make a commitment, you create hope. When you keep a commitment you create trust! ~ John C. Maxwell

  • #657633
    In an arranged marriage, it is the parents and other family members hold talks among the two families. I personally feel that a relationship cannot grow on trust and respect for each other if there is no transparency.
    In a love marriage, usually there is a transparency between the would-be couples but in an arranged marriage, the talks between the families are very important. Hiding any fact might lead to divorce or constant quarrel which is not healthy.
    It is a matter of lifetime relationship so the truth must prevail. What is the use of getting married and inviting unwanted trouble for life by not disclosing the truth? I feel those who do so are cheat by nature so there will be a lack of honesty throughout the married life, naturally, the next generation too will be in dark and that is how a seed of dishonesty is planted which is ridiculous.

    shampasaid

  • #657637
    Before any marriage proposal is finalized, there will be various rounds of talks between the parties in the name of seeing the bride or getting acquainted with each other's family and that will definitely bring some transparency in the matter.

    The problem comes when the families do not meet with each other and rely on online channels for exchange of information.

    In these matters what is required is 'seeing is believing' and until unless families know each other the risks of hidden or undisclosed informations will always be there.

    The love marriages are better in that respect but they also have their own downsides due to the camouflage of shortcomings or deficiencies under the blind waves of love.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #657642
    Vandana :

    What I mean by negotiation is pre marriage talks and meetings between the parties to know each other.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #657648
    This wouldn't ever be possible to disclose everything during the process of initial screenings of any of the partners being the male or the female. To the very fact that no one in this world is perfect with the intentions of having the best possible in their life will lead to a lot more searching & questioning on both sides which is simply of the fact that the expectations on both the ends would remain high all the time. No side would be interested on negotiating with the shortcomings of another party & at the same time the other side would keep on trying with their best to show with their positive aspects in terms of anything & because of being involved with all such complications, the most experienced individuals of the either sides would come together in order to judge the overall perceptions in the most comprehensive ways & this too gets the involvement of the third parties so as to get the clarifications on the major issues.

    In today's society, there is a good practice of meeting of both the partners before being finally deciding on the marriage proposals. In these meetings, anyone can go ahead with any confusion if there is any & in case & if anyone find it compromising then the same can be declared as suitable or not done from either sides.

    Considering with the overall objective of the long term, it is advised to share the details & be transparent with the opponents in order to have a successful with a long term relationships. We can ignore of the non-serious issues but for sure it wouldn't be fair to hide any of serious issues & the same is left on the consciousness of the family & on the partners.

  • #657684
    As long as these pre-marriage talks and negotiations are there this hide & seek game will continue. As long as parents think that the most important responsibility for them is to find the 'best' bride/groom for their children this will continue.

    Let me be more specific. In India, whether one understands the meaning of the relationship or not, parents want the 'best' bride/groom for their children. When you are looking for the 'best' bride/groom, automatically you have to project your son/daughter as the 'best' in the so-called negotiation table. So, this hide & seek will continue to prove how best their daughters and sons are to the parents of the opposite sex.

    As long as daughters will remain a 'burden' of their parents it will continue. I am pained to say this, but this is the reality. In India, many families still believe their daughters are a burden to the family and therefore they must be married off to the 'suitable' guy. There are so many castes and creeds and everybody has a custom that has to be strictly followed during marriages.

    As long as people won't be able to think of marriage as a healthy relationship between a girl and a boy this will continue. Marriage is not about 'who gets how much' at the end. It is essentially a beautiful relationship to move forward together, hand in hand.

    Sankalan

    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"


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