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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    What does one make of this person?

    Very recently, a prospective bridegroom from a very good family came calling. The vital "seeing the girl" happened. And then the inevitable private conversation between the boy and the girl happened too.

    What followed was a shocker. The boy, an engineer, works heads the recruitment team in a big multinational in Bangalore, was so keen to only describe the nature of his job and how he was helping so many youngsters to find their feet and so on. Even when the girl make frantic attempts to bring in a little bit of romantic atmosphere by taking about his hobbies and interests and so on, the girl was shocked to find that the response was so negative.

    40 out of 45 minutes was all about his job. The issue is the boy has lost his father. He is a well qualified mechanical engineer and has a good academic record.

    The girl firmly said no to the alliance within hours. Today, most girls are educated and are very much career oriented. They want to study further and this girl expressed her wish too. The boy simply said that was her own wish and went back to boasting about his job.

    How do we counsel such boys? What will happen if he continues such a horrible behaviour with other girls too? Why do we find such boys? Is it because he is too involved with his job that he forgets everything else? How can he ever enjoy his marriage at all?

    Members may please respond, based on their own personal observations in similar cases.
  • #659549
    It was sad that he was just talking about his job when he has come to see a girl to marry. I hate such people who don't know where and what to talk.

    I understand what that girl might be thinking about this boy. She took a good decision by saying NO because she might have felt that after the marriage this boy would be engaged more in his job and giving less time to the family.

    Personally, I also have a time demanding job but what i do is make a balance in professional and personal life. I never talk about my job with my wife because I know what she will do with it. Even when I am frustrated with the job I never let her know it and dont want to spoil the atmosphere of the home.

    But i feel this boy might have known now that he had done wrong and would have taken a lesson from this incident.


    " It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not" ... Andre Gide

  • #659551
    While in office forget your home, and while at home forget your office. This is the principle to be followed in life. We should never mix office and home. If mixed, we will see a disaster in our life. The boy here is more for his office and job than his wife and family. The girl's decision to say No to this boy should be appreciated.
    No life without Sun

  • #659559
    We can't be so mean to the people and ignore even when you are discussing your marriage.

    The job is a necessity to earn your livelihood but we should always take care of our society and social meeting. How can a person ignore a person who has come to discuss marriage?

    Marriage is such a great relationship that a person always stays connected but when we see it other way and not respect this relationship we become mean to ignore or boost of our status which is very unfortunate.

    We can't ignore a person who has come for a more wider and better status. This is where people become hypocrites and exhibit their ego which is only to fall and disintegrate.

    Never be so mean to ignore people who have come to share the bond of love.

    Always smile while meeting people and pay due attention and respect!

  • #659561
    Clearly, the man has nothing much happening in his life other than professionally. No friends, no hobbies and perhaps not a vice either.

    However, there could be many reasons for him speaking just about his job. He could have been nervous and hence remained focused on a topic within his comfort zone. He could be a workaholic. He possibly thought that he would make an impression speaking of his job and achievements…

    There can be other reasons too. We cannot comment without being privy to what really transpired. We have just one side of the story, which may not be all true either. (I know of a case where something similar happened, but the family went ahead with the engagement. It turned out that the woman had been in love with someone and had been citing incompatibility issues to avoid getting married to another man.)

    What does one make of this person?

    I think he is an honest man. He did not put up a charade of being someone that he isn't. What if the two had got married and it was later discovered that he had lied about his interests, and he wasn't the man that he had made himself out to be? The man showed no pretence, but sadly, many alliances are based on a foundation of deception and artificiality.

    He will find his partner, despite, what is seen as his shortcoming. We cannot foresee the changes that marriage will bring in him. It boils down to compatibility, and that's something that cannot be judged in one meeting. Sometimes a lifetime is not enough to get to know the real persona of a person. Sometimes being with the right person changes the way we view life.

    Leadership is having a compelling vision, a comprehensive plan, relentless implementation, and talented people working together - Alan Mulally

  • #659565
    I dont think anyone should marry just for the sake of it. There must be love. And if it is an arranged marriage atleast interests must be matched. Ofcourse all that the girl's family knew was that this guy is a well doing mechanical engineer. I could infer that from this thread. Neither sides bothered to investigate even a bit about the personal tastes of the duo. And as Juana recognises, the guy is very honest. Probably a bit narcissist and egoistic too as he could not picture her being bored with his business conversation. It is good that they came to know before marriage. I am sure that guy has his hobbies and interests. He must first understand how to read emotions of people. Then he will surely find his match. The girl too will find her match. I am sure she was rather laughing at him than was angry at him. This is a funny situation after all. But the parents of these people must take care to note down the personalities and characters too in their search for a match. There is no harm in referring to a person that is close to the guy or the girl and finding out their routine behavior. Talking to someone you just met and asking for marrying is funny in itself. I never understood how our ancestors made it work.
    The stronger a light shines the darker are the shadows around it.

  • #659566
    Probably the boy was too occupied in his thoughts about his job and career. He forgot that this was a time given to them to understand each other and to know the hobbies and attitude of each other towards life.

    As it was a monologue, the girl might have found that if that boy can not devote a few minutes to the consideration related to them for this marriage then the future will be laced with more professional talks and less concern for the family.

    This fear might have led to the refusal from the girl's side.

    There could be another reason that the boy may be having some affair elsewhere and under the compulsion of the parents, he just formally had come there.

    Human behaviors are guided by their individual aspirations and circumstances in life. It is difficult to decipher them from their outward gestures.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #659570
    Perceptions would never remain the same as we all bound to look at the same point from different angles. From the above submissions against the main thread few went in support of the bridegroom & few went in against to the attitude of him but I find the reply of #659561/Juana well balanced. In the first hand why the bridegroom liable to attract more criticism while the girl is being sympathized. From the above material, there seemed to have the get-together in order to introduce themselves as well as to let each of the parties know more about others & the reason being that the boy continued with his job profile along with the good prospectus in the coming times which should have been given the preference. But we got our own tastes & experiences along with the preferences in the life & therefore leave this up to them because who knows that the boy would have been doing that intentionally with already proposed girl friend who accepted her proposal. Best of luck for them.

  • #659575
    These days many girls are giving more importance to the financial stability of the boy and many of the girls are not ready to accept the boys who are having some responsibilities. So the boy might have thought that by explaining the girl about his job and career prospectus she may like him more.

    By simply accepting the proposal of the girl for her further studies and job, the boy has indicated that he will not come in way to her for her likings and dislikings. It is a positive accept. The girl might have been felt happy for that.

    Actually what is the talk between the two also don't know. Anyhow it is good the match is not fixed and the girl refused the proposal. Otherwise, if the attitudes of the partners differ, later on, many problems will come in their lives.

    always confident

  • #659588
    I do respect the views of the Members. However, we should try to understand the larger context. What the boy has indicated in no uncertain terms is his obsession with his job. He is a good achiever and a star performer. However, marriage does call for different attitudinal orientation. He should have at least explained the kind of life the girl can expect if she were to say yes.

    In this case, the case was more like "take it or leave it" and this is very dangerous. These are days when the girls want to feel empowered and do have a mind of their own. Since the girl is known to us personally, I can vouchsafe that she would love everyone but not be the kind of "bahu" that we had possibly seen some decades ago.

    It is not only this girl. Every single educated girl has dreams. Every girl wants to express herself. The boy's behavior fell flat on most common and very basic expectations. This is very sad.

  • #659624
    I am unable to understand why the author found the behaviour of the guy horrible. What horrible thing he did? It is not possible to understand a person properly just by interacting with her/him for 40-45 minutes. The problem is with all of us. We created our own rules about how a girl or guy should be to become the ideal match for the opposite sex. Everybody is unique and have her/his own ways. If there were really some rules to be followed to become the ideal life partner then there wouldn't be so many divorces.

    For any relationship, the problem starts after the marriage because as long as two persons are not staying together they cannot understand each other completely. Workaholics also find their life partners and raise a family. The chemistry behind any ideal match is very complex and there is no rule in it. We think of so many rules only when there is a mismatch. In this case, the girl's family didn't proceed with the talks and that's fine because it cannot be a one-sided affair. When one side doesn't find the other suitable there is no point in going forward. The guy and the girl both will be able to find their life partner and when both of them are career oriented hope both of them will be able to decide what suits them best.


    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"

  • #659628
    It is said that people should talk and behave as per the context and situation. This boy was somewhere else thinking about his career and expertise in his work.

    The girl in a courtesy might have tolerated his bad manners for some time but when he ate the full earmarked time in self praise and description, she might have felt very bad.

    She has no other option than to say no.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #659633
    In my opinion, this is much ado about nothing. It is a trivial matter related to someone's personality. I don't see it as a dangerous trait. The man presented himself as he was, why must his demeanour have to match someone else's standards? The woman didn't like his behaviour and turned him down. The matter ends there.

    We cannot tell whether his so-called obsession with his job will impact his married life adversely. He laid all his cards on the table, as it were – saying this is what I am all about - and that is a good thing. At least it helped the woman take a call and say no, rather than continue seeing him as a probable candidate for marriage. It made the decision easy, he got ticked right off the list, as unsuitable.

    What is dangerous is the character assassination of someone, based purely on hearsay. Today he is being discussed on a public forum, next the episode will be narrated to known people. Is it required?

    Leadership is having a compelling vision, a comprehensive plan, relentless implementation, and talented people working together - Alan Mulally

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