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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Why we can't forget bad behaviour or non-cooperation easily?

    Often people misbehave with us. Even at times, you will find somebody not cooperating with you. They may be your relatives, friends or persons not known to you. Initially, you will feel bad and this feeling of hurt can linger for a long time. Actually, when people misbehave or do not cooperate we remember that particular behaviour forgetting any of her/his good deeds earlier. Long ago I read a story about a caretaker of a house where people used to stay during their business trips. One day the old caretaker was chatting with a middle-aged man who stayed there for a few days and describing him about his job and life as a caretaker. He told the middle-aged man how everybody pays tips and at times gifts while returning home after a stay in the house. The middle-aged man asked the caretaker whether he can remember any significant incident throughout his career and the caretaker promptly said that long ago a gentleman came to the house and stayed there for a while. The caretaker took good care of the man but while returning he didn't pay any tips. The middle-aged man calmly looked into the eyes of the caretaker and said he is the person who at his younger days once stayed in that house but didn't pay any tips to the caretaker. The caretaker was spellbound.

    That story may have a moral in it but I found something significant here. We like good behaviour and expect cooperation from others and think these are very natural. Any deviation from this pinches us deeply in our mind and we cannot forget that easily. That's why we cannot forget so easily any kind of bad behaviour or non-cooperation. Members, do you agree?
  • #667172
    Yes. We will forget easily who helped us but we will remember the people who refused to help us when we are in need.
    I got selected in the written test for a bank PO job. I attended the interview and I felt that I fared well. One of my close relations was in a senior position in that bank and those days that bank was a private bank and afterwise got nationalised. My father requested to see that I will get that post. He said that the senior in the bank is asking for money for selecting the candidates and he asked us to arrange that money. But due to my family problems, my father couldn't arrange that money. But later on, I came to know that the same gentleman helped somebody else to get that job. Even after 40 years, I remember the issue and that gentleman.
    So this is very correct to say we remember the people who never helped us but we may forget people we helped us very conveniently.

    always confident

  • #667177
    I don't think that not giving tips is bad behaviour or non-cooperation. There are people who believe that they should not tip because the person in paid for doing the job and the client has also paid for the service requested.

    If you ask me why we cannot forget bad behaviour is because it upsets us. Each of us have our own moral and ethical compass in which we draw a line above which things are acceptable, below which it is not acceptable. Couple with this is the average normal human being who does not trouble others and likewise does not like to be at the receiving end of the trouble.

    With this constantly running in our minds and heart, when we encounter people who are biased, bent, arrogant, malicious we remember them. A vendor who cheats us, a co-passenger who misbehaves, a person who dupes us, an arrogant staff member of any major office etc. These are all instances where in we would have not behaved in this manner if our place were to be reversed.

    Lastly, I've realised that as time goes by, these are too insignificant for us to be carrying this burden around.

  • #667179
    As a human being it is natural for us to feel bad about someone behaving improperly with us and it remains in our memory for a long time. But it is not in our hand as we have no control on the behaviour of others especially the shrewd and aggressive ones. However everyone is not like that and I have come in contact of many people who are very cultured, soft spoken and tell their point in a very polite way. So world is full of all types of people and we may have to come in their contact and these polite or impolite exchanges will take place.

    Anyway this is one part of story and the other part is how we behave with them. Is our behaviour within the boundaries of politeness and humbleness or we are also doing same mistake - this is a point to ponder.

    Knowledge is power.

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