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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    The contemporary touch to getting a matrimonial match

    Gone are the days of visiting families of a prospective groom or bride, exchanging horoscopes and boy meeting girl over tea and snacks. All that is now so archaic! We have very useful tools of quick communications, and horoscopes get exchanged via email/WhatsApp, video chats take place, then families will meet if they sense a good match. Even the boy and girl chat with each other directly, sometimes even across continents, and then schedule a direct meeting.

    Let's not forget matrimonial websites, where a brief profile and photo are uploaded and parents and the prospective groom/bride spend time, maybe months, browsing through potential matches.

    Just generally it would be interesting to know if any of you know of or have had such experiences of contemporary matches of relatives or friends. Did they get a spouse through a matrimonial website and had video chats before meeting in person and tying the knot? No need to mention the specific people or how they are related to you, and avoid any direct names.

    And are matching of horoscopes still in vogue?!
  • #686776
    Nowadays the majority of marriages are love cum arranged marriages. When we talk about an arranged marriage, there still exists the olde world style of contacting the marriage brokers, through relatives or friends or priests, etc. Many use the matrimonial sites to get an apt and good looking bride or groom.

    When we talk about marriage, it is not only the joining or union of two people but two families. We need to check the compatibility of the family as they are the supporting pillars that will help the couple stand firm under the ups and downs of the family lives.

    With the advancement in technology and the open-mindedness of people or families, many allow having a chat or direct talk with the boy or girl for a better understanding of their nature, concerns, etc. One of my friends has coupled through a matrimonial site. They had registered and the girl was a member. They got the details, exchanged words and then after the regular calling of 3-6 months, informed their family members and then the marriage was conducted following the normal procedure.

    Limit your "alway's" and your "never's." - Amy Poehler??

  • #686777
    There are many matches being finalised based on the matrimonial sites and newspaper. Though now a days the young people are generally searching and finalising their match themselves, still, there are many marriages being planned by the parents in our country. Very few people are matching the horoscope now a days. The reason is if many things are matching then they do not want to miss on the golden opportunity which might get lost by horoscope matching. Further many people are particular for caste consideration and that is still a major criterion especially marriage finalised by the parents.
    Knowledge is power.

  • #686783
    In olden times marriage matches are used to be spread through the mouth to mouth within the relatives or friends groups. After going through all the details after sensing the match suitable, the bride's father used to invite the bride groom's family for an informal meeting. If both the families feel ok of suitability criteria they used to fix for the marriage. The marriage fixing procedure has changed over some time. Later giving details of the bride or bridegroom in the newspaper started. After those marriage brokers talking between two families and fixing the matches started. But at present in this busy world, marriage bureau websites giving details of both bride and bridegrooms. Most of the people nowadays are following this method only. For giving the details on these websites, the customers have to pay Rs.3000 to 4000 for three months. I have come to know so many of these matches taking place through these websites are successful. But one must be very careful in verifying the details before fixing the matches. Whatever the way the matches are fixed nowadays the decisions of bride and bridegrooms are becoming final. Through What's App groups also the bride and bridegroom information are spread nowadays. Whatever way the matches are fixed one has to be very careful in verifying details.

  • #686786
    These days many websites dedicated to matrimonials. They display the details of brides and bridegrooms. Photos will also be published. Interested people can contact the concerned.

    My cousin's son got married through one such site only. He has seen the details of the girl on a website and contacted them. The website maintaining people contacted the girl's parents and passed on the details. Then the things happened quickly. The boy and the girl had a video call and then they liked each other. Finally, there was an informal meeting of the parents and dates were fixed. This marriage took place 5 years back and the pair is very happy and spending a good time.

    always confident

  • #686787
    In Iyengar families like us, the traditional way of arranging a marriage with a sequence of things is still followed and in vogue. First, the feelers would be sent to the prospective bride or groom to know the initial yes. Once the nod from both sides is known, the horoscope matching takes place and before that the Gothra should be different and not the same. And then the stars should match. There are 18 matching processes and the main being Mangalya bhagyam, that is, good health and sustained living period of the groom and the putra santanam bhagyam. If these two matchings are amicable, then others are taken lightly and even the forwarded for further arrangements. Then comes the informal meeting of two sides about the possible marriage and the expected give and take, then comes the engagement on which day the date of the marriage is fixed and then goes the actual preparation for wedding cards and so on.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #686797
    What I am finding in this context is that in the urban settings most of the young people are selecting their life partners themselves and only coming back to the parents for approval. That is the thing common in sight now. I am not sure of that in rural environment.
    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #686810
    Indeed, matrimonial sites (please do not mention the sites' names here as we do not wish to promote them) have been flourishing for a while now and, as Ramakrishna Kambhampati stated, one does need to be very careful about verifying the details of the boy/girl. It is very easy to put up fake details and hide certain information, such as being married earlier but separated from the spouse, without the earlier marriage being legally annulled.

    In addition to well-known matrimonial sites, there are sites devoted exclusively to particular communities as well. I think some of these are free and only require registration as members to be able to access the profiles of prospective grooms and brides. Such sites are useful for those people who are very particular about the boy/girl being only from their own community and not any other.

    I really think matching of horoscopes should not be insisted upon. Even getting into the deep details of which particular sub-category of a community or what are the religious beliefs of the families, often create hurdles in a matrimonial alliance. The decision should ultimately be entirely up to the ones who are getting married and are going to be life partners. They consider each other compatible and are comfortable with each other - that is what ultimately matters. It is their life together. Let them decide.

    When you make a commitment, you create hope. When you keep a commitment you create trust! ~ John C. Maxwell

  • #686877
    Matrimony? I don't think my generation is interested in marriages anymore. Moreover, we people are using Tinder. Tinder is definitely not a family friendly app. It is a dating app. But marriages are not being preferred among the youth. In many countries wedding and childbirth rates are dropping. The importance of institution of marriage is fading. Tinder attracts many youngsters and most end up getting involved in a strong relationship some years later. It is often said that in India, two families married each other and not two individuals. So is matrimony a better choice or worse? Hunting for suitors online has its risks. Be it matrimony or other methods, personal choice should be given the supreme value and not archaic things like horoscope.
    One can find love anytime, any place and any age. I never liked the concept of fixing weddings in the first place.

    The stronger a light shines the darker are the shadows around it.

  • #687098

    I don't think it applies to the entire generation of your age group that they are not interested in marriages as such. Perhaps what they are averse to is not the institution of marriage but the approach towards it - all those archaic things of horoscope-matching, of the insistence of boy and girl meeting only a few times and making a quick decision, not waiting for months and years to know whether or not they feel the compatibility, etc. Yes, they are quite happy just dating with different boys/girls as the case may be and not making any haste in deciding the marriage aspect because they just don't want to make a binding decision too fast. So, as you said, it is the "fixing" part that many young adults and not just teenagers resent. Let it be their personal choice is also what I endorse.

    I totally agree with what you said, that "One can find love anytime, any place and any age." It is an oft-repeated expression but is so very true, when you hear actual experiences of people finding love at a later age or meeting and finding one's life partner during a trip, etc.

    When you make a commitment, you create hope. When you keep a commitment you create trust! ~ John C. Maxwell

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