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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Do you think the elder sibling should take responsibility of the family?

    We see in many movies that the elder brother or sister takes the responsibility of a big family when an untoward incident happens to the head of the family. As a routine story, the younger ones will be in good position and the elder one will be in bad position. The elder one or his spouse will say a dialogue that if we had chosen our own way, we could have been in a better position. This situation happens in real life also. In my opinion, the elder sibling might have spent maximum years when their father was alive, so the onus of responsibility lies on him to take care of the younger ones. Members, what do you think? Should the elder sibling take responsibility of the family or should he choose his own way?
  • #697393
    The scene and situation was so at least about a few decades ago. Now mostly this situation will not be there one the following reasons:
    1. In most homes only one child is there. That child is pampered to the maximum and not given any responsibility even when the child grows to marriageable age.
    2. Even if there are more than one child, the new generation children need not take responsibiity because the parents would be earning even after the children start earning. So there is no financial burden on them towards the total family unlike it was inearly days. Now the son or daughter earns and can spend it the way they want.
    3. Earlier days most elder children, (oungers too sometimes) had to start earning themselves or help parents in their family occupation at a very young age. That was to supplement the income earned by a single member of the family which was not sufficient to sustain the whole family. This realisation gave them a sense of responsibilty.
    4. Most families had greand parents and uncles/aunts. They inculcated good sense and good habits on the children. Itwas the eldest one who got this more and that made the eldest to b more mature andresonsible knowing the difficulties and realities of the family.
    5. A n elder brother or sister was held in high esteem by the younger sisters and brothers and the eldest child has to live upto the status and expectation. So that made the eldest child the responsibility to support and help the younger siblings.
    5. The eldest was always drilled in with the advice that 'Next to father/mother you are the person to look afte the family"

    All these made the eldest to take up maximum burden and responsibility.

    Ironically or unfortunately in many families the youger ones did not understand the value of this and even turned against the eldr on certain occasions.

  • #697811
    As the caring of parents is duty of all sons and daughters, no one can transfer the responsibility on others. Everybody has responsibility of their own in shouldering the household responsibility. In many houses the sole responsibility lies on the eldest one. In a house of my relative, the eldest son, third son left separately by leaving the parents with second and fourth. Fourth was unemployed, second got married with a good girl. Entire responsibility fell on the second son and his wife. They took care of them till the death of parents. Lastly they arranged marriage to the fourth son amidst opposition from the other brothers. Finally the second son and his wife abandoned by the fourth son and his wife from the house. As they have no children they are suffering without any huge savings as they spent everything for the family.

  • #697814
    All depends on the individual. I know some families where the elder son left the family without giving any support and his siblings took the responsibility. At the same time, I know some families where the elder son only struggling a lot to take care of the family.
    The brothers will be Ok but the problem comes with their wives. Sons are from the same house. But daughters in law from different houses and they will start comparing with each other and problems crop up.
    If the father is having enough property and he takes care of all his children, there is no problem. If he required help from his sons, then the problem of comparison starts.
    I am of the feeling that responsibility should be equally shared when the properties are shared equally. The father's property is not going to the elder son only. It is being distributed equally to all the children. Same should be the case with responsibilities also. All the children should share the responsibilities.

    always confident

  • #697844
    Traditionally speaking, yes. In our society and culture the elder brother was supposed to take the place of the parents when the parents died and all the younger ones looked upon him for guidance. Today the situation is totally changed and people are not living in a joint family so the concept of the elder taking charge has been diluted and no such thing is being observed by most of the people. Even if the elder wants to dictate no one is going to listen to him. So, in the modern times this has not much significance. Those who are living still in the joint families they might consider a good option for keeping the discipline and order in the house.
    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #697852
    For that matter every children of the family has the responsibility towards the family when they grow to the respectable position. Though the children are nurtured by the parents and given them the best education, often the elder person among the child made responsible to look after the parents and young ones. But what I say that the parents have nurtured everyone equally and why the elder son alone take the lead to shoulder the family. However there are many parents who are self sufficient with their pensions and other saving during their senior status and thus may not find the requirement to look after them. But elders always wants to enjoy the companion and initiate play with the grand children and for that reason they may insist to stay with the elder son. So according to me every sibling is responsible towards the family.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #697868
    Being the elder one in my family I appreciate and try to answer this query in my own way. In earlier times it was mandatory for the elder to take control of the house after the demise of the parents or sometimes after the death of the father only as the mothers always thought it prudent to give that big responsibility to the elder. There was no choice and no option at that time to not accept it and in fact the elders liked the position and respect in the family that came to them with the added responsibilities. In a joint family this was the norm and still in many Marwaris and business communities it is being religiously followed. Today we are largely living in nuclear family set ups and have got a small household to manage and depending upon the choice of the parents or the surviving parent, they would be living with one of the children not necessarily the elder in their old age. My younger brother who is financially very well off took the mother with him telling that he had servants and facilities there and she would be happy with them. We did not object to it and my mother lived there very happily and contentedly till her death. So, it is not the elder who matters it is the prosperous and wealthy who can keep the parents or other family members in a respectful manner.
    Knowledge is power.

  • #697913
    While we go to the traditions of Indian families being followed in pre partition days, the elder son had to participate his greater role in supporting the entire family and this was followed religiously after the death of the father. The children were given inputs how the elder brother can take up the role of guardian in absence of parents. Such feed backs influenced the entire family setup and once such a situation surfaced in the family, the elders took up the entire responsibility of the family even forgetting his ambition and aspirations.
    Even the youngers were happy to follow the advice as passed by his elders. But later we could see the dilution in such a setup when the younger brothers did not like to have any advice of his elder siblings because of their different orientations.
    The old family setup became weak with the progress of time and there was the the disintegration of larger families into mini families being headed by the different brothers. Accordingly, the fate of the families differed, some disintegrated families enjoyed in terms of earnings since the head of the family was comfortably placed in multinationals but the other families were not in comfortable position due to the weak setup.

  • #697944
    In the traditional family setup in our country, the eldest son is supposed to take the responsibility of the family but it is absolutely up to him whether to take up the responsibility or choose his own life. Nowadays, it's hard to find a family with a couple of children in the cities though things are little different in villages where there are siblings in various families. The mindset of people has changed with time though few things should not change and one such thing is the sense of responsibility. Everyone must have a sense of responsibility and then only we can think of a happy family. If someone in the family begins to think that something is not her/his responsibility then the problem arises. Generally, a person with more maturity should take up more responsibilities and help others realize that everyone has some responsibilities in the family.

    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"

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