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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    A successful courtship is one where people understand the compatibility with each other

    When two persons are in courtship they have some relationship with each other and finally that culminates in marriage and they start raising a family. After the marriage many times it happens that each of them starts seeing the deficiencies of other which they were not knowing before the marriage because they were not living together and not knowing those things in such meticulous details. The result is sometimes a strained relationship or even a divorce. After that the life becomes painful and sad. Why does it so happen that people are not able to understand about each other before marriage so that if compatibility is not there they should not take the relationship ahead. Can you share your experience or give opinion in this matter?

    Posted on 06.07.2020, this is my 6th entry for the thread a day contest.
  • #702306
    Understanding each other before marriage will happen only if they spend sufficient time. Once they like each us other they can go for marriage. But this practice is not allowed in our Hindu Dharma. Even we go against the Dharma and live together for some time and then go for marriage also there is no surety that they will be together forever. All depends upon the individuals and their attitude. For a successful marriage, people should develop a feeling of "ours" instead of "yours" and 'Mine". It requires a lot of adjustments. Then only married life will be successful.
    always confident

  • #702307
    Understanding the compatibility of each others is also culminates when there is intense liking and expectations on varied things between the two. That means in most of the cases the thinking line should be the same and that is called the comparability. In our religion and caste there are ways to find out the compatibility of both the persons whether they go along in as many as 18 matters of life and then only the elders would have the sight of relief to getting married the bride and groom which they decide with full satisfaction. I cannot explain the same here for varied reason owing to personal traits of persons, but it is always seen more on the side of the man rather than the woman. That is the reason being so our horoscope matching takes place before even the actual talks are initiated and then the ultimate marriage day fixed.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #702336
    Understanding a person before marriage is only possible when we have time before marriage. In most of the love marriage, the couple knows everything about the other person from his likes, his dislikes, his taste, his preferences, his attachment, etc but in arrange marriages where the marriage is consummated within a month or so, it is difficult to understand each other. We often refer marriage saying that "marriage is full of compromise and adjustments." You need to compromise and adjust to make a beautiful and easy life for both. It is not easy to follow but when you learn that your partner is short-tempered, you need to adjust and try to keep shut as it will help to calm down. When you realise that your partner doesn't love such things, it is always better to ask or confront him/her to conclude. Marriage should be forever and both the partners must try their best to adjust and understand each other to move forward in life. One should also try not to break the trust which can finish one's marriage. Even the family members play a big role in marriage as they need to be supportive and understanding and let them know that they need to be a better couple and make their family move forward under any circumstances but in love and affection.
    “The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." — Morrie Schwartz

  • #702345
    It is rather difficult to sustain the relationship unless we understand the need of each other. There are certain elements such as trust, sacrifice, emotional attachments etc and possessing such qualities make the relationship sustainable and a strain free companionship.
    Even for going in the living relationship for sometime prior to marriage does not offer us a guarantee of happy marriage- life.
    In the Hindu - mythology, there is a system of horoscope calculation prior to culmination of marriage where in the astrologers study the impact of various planets dominant in their charts, but the accuracy of such calculations may be deceptive because of variations of birth timing or otherwise.
    However, knowing each other for a long duration prior to marriage may help the couple to establish a happy relationship in the marriage.

  • #702355
    A perfect coutship occurs between two individuals if there is perfect understanding between them. If such understanding is not there, no peace exist between them. Such individuals have to understand in life there must be a adjustment give and take policy. Both the individuals should not be rigid with their own thoughts and should honour others thoughts also so that a peaceful existence is possible. The other ways what the author mentioned in his post have great failures when it comes to practical life.

  • #702357
    It is not with all. It happens only in the upper-middle and rich families. It is the ego between the two that disturbs their relationship. The education, wealth and health is the key cause for such disturbance. Even if the couple understands, the elders of the families don't support but misguide them.

    Though wealth and education are clearly visible before marriage, the real health of the couples is hidden. This hidden health creates a lot of problems for the couple. Incomplete sexual satisfaction, impotence, etc are the key issues that lead to divorce or separation.

    However, good understanding and adjustment is essential to lead a peaceful and happy life.

    No life without Sun

  • #702409
    A good and transparent understanding before the marriage is essential for a peaceful married life.
    Knowledge is power.

  • #702522
    Sometimes a long courtship can help as it gives much time to both the partners to learn more about each other. I have seen some cases where the students studying in university courses get involved in a relationship and after a long courtship get married. They all have a happy life. There could be exceptions also.
    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #702570
    I cannot say anything in this regard from my life experience. I and my wife are together since marriage only. So there was no period of courtship in its dictionary meaning. But we are romancing and loving ever since the day of marriage.

    With the risk of being misunderstood and mistaken I take courage to answer the question "Why does it so happen that people are not able to understand about each other before marriage." during courtship. During courtship i is like marketing each other, impressing each other. So only the positive and exaggerated qualities which may appeal to the other are shown. No product advertisement and marketing will specify its bad qualities. There is no independent verification.
    In traditional Indian marriages
    "Kanya varayate roopam,
    Maata vitham pita shrutam
    Kulamichchandhi baandhavah
    Here also the boy/girl mostly go for the looks and appearances and the other members of the family only verify other background and details. After all it is very difficult to fully understand humans. Only experience can tell us about others behaviour.

  • #702574
    According to me understanding does not require time, it is when we compromise on the others discussions to come to conclusions. It is the right decision taken at the right point of time. When ever there is misunderstanding one of them has to come down, so that the wins and is happy. If both want to win over discussions it leads to conflicts and strained relationships.
    Lead the leader

  • #703004
    You have brought out a very valid point that nowadays people show their good side only before marriage may be as a marketing strategy and then reality comes out only after marriage. What I think is if it is true love they should not resort to such tactics which make the life painful later.

    Knowledge is power.

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