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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    We can't change this society but we can change ourselves

    In Indian society marriages are highly expensive events where people stage ostentatious exhibition of their wealth. This is the only event where boys are sold and bought and this is the only event where girls have no value if her father doesn't have affordability to purchase a good boy. Perhaps this is the reason when a poor father pays money to a doctor for killing his innocent girl in her mother's womb.

    Last message from 4 sisters who committed suicide together shocked everyone in Kanpur: 'We see our parents are always worried for our marriage but no good proposal except of an old man or widower or divorcee with children is brought for us by any marriage broker/mediator because of our poverty. We often have seen our parents crying after midnight. We can't see our beloved parents crying or worried, therefore, we are taking this step'.

    Hearing such painful news we feel pity for some time but soon we forget what we've heard.

    We can't change this society but at least we can change ourselves by marrying our son without any dowry or money from girl's parents.

    A thread a day contest
  • #702427
    I totally agree with the title message.
    But at the same time I cannot agree with the generalisation of the example. This is one leftover of the British hangover and the pet subject of the western press even now. Just to harp on the old thing again and again. The system of dowry is on the wane. There is a law against dowry. A major percentage of the marriages are conducted without giving or taking any dowry. Even about more than two decades ago my marriage was without any dowry at all.
    Today's boys, girls and parents are not of that type. Even conducting marriages with pomp and show is resorted by those in power, politics, business, film industry etc. Others celebrate t because it is an importance occasion to be celebrated and remembered in one's life.
    But still the leftist bias and western biased writers exaggerate the random happenings and sensationalise just to tarnish the country's image. There is law and societal protection against dowry. Some traditional marriages where the boy's side and girl's side exchange gifts cannot be taken as dowry.

  • #702442
    This is the reality of life and many such incidents are happening in our country here and there. The author's contention that if we cannot change the society we should at least change ourselves has much merit. The fact of life is that if we change ourselves and then many people change themselves then that becomes an avalanche type of action and in that process the whole society automatically changes. A god thought put up by the author.
    Knowledge is power.

  • #702457
    Being preconceived about the topic and attributing it to 'British leftover' or 'harping on old strings' phrases isn't a fair deal.

    It entirely depends on how one defines the dowry, for some people it comprises of furniture, kitchenware, two or four wheeler etc, for some people it refers to plot of land or bungalow or hard cash only, for some people it's expensive jewellery and gifts, investment of large amount in boy's business/firm etc.

    My take is rather most conservative I like court marriage or similar ways of marriage where girl's parents won't spend huge money on pretentious paraphernalia in marriage but a decent feast only and now it's boy's parents turn to express their happiness by inviting whole of city in reception for newly couple and offering a 4 wheeler or expensive jewellery to all participants of the function-
    who stops...
    Celebrate a grand finale and let enjoy people gala feast.

  • #702461
    I completely agree with the title of this thread. Society consists of people like us only. It's a kind of invisible organization we have created. Here I would like to quote Oscar Wilde. He said, "Society exists only as a mental concept; in the real world there are only individuals". See, any society is composed of individuals only and if each one of us changes our attitude that change will be automatically reflected in society.

    The example cited by the author about the exhibition of wealth in marriages and the suicides of the girls for not finding a good proposal for marriage can be equated. I found in our society marriage is the only essential thing as if somebody will be punished severely if they do not marry. The parents remain worried about their children's marriage but why? Why this unnecessary worry? What is really going to happen if somebody doesn't marry? I am sure the police authorities or the judicial authorities will not visit the families of unmarried people and force them to marry. Marriage must be a personal choice and even after progressing a lot on many aspects, many people tend to think of it in such a way that it is the only thing that one must do in life. If every individual can think in that line, neither there will be dowry related issues nor there will be a worry among parents regarding their children's marriage.


    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"

  • #702505
    If everyone thinks like that then we would one day become the best society in the world. Changing society is not a child's play. It requires support and courage of a big group which can take up such difficult tasks.
    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #702545

    Your opinion isn't bad but if someone wants to have physical relationship with opposite gender then what the best solution is.

    I think all these problems come out from worn out traditions or a typical mindset which promote ill rituals, so Don't you think love marriage should be promoted instead of arranged marriage?

  • #702547
    Taking money as dowry is a sin. No one should encourage this. I have two sons. Both are married. We have not accepted even a single rupee from my daughters in law's fathers. I have spent the money on the marriage equally with the girl's family. It is a fact whether somebody believes or not. If everyone thinks in the same lines there will be a change in society also and we will see the change in society.

    These days I am seeing some change in both the Telugu States. There are more boys and girls are less. So getting a suitable girl is becoming very difficult and the dowry system is not there much. But not vanished completely. But many girls are not accepting the boys who want dowry. Some girls are having very strict specifications and if they are not matching with the boy, they are rejecting. That is why we see many boys searching for a suitable girl.

    These days because of this Coronavirus there are no marriages with a very lavish expenditure. Somehow they are performing. I think this is good. If we can continue this trend a lot of money will be saved. Many caterers, many function halls and many marriage functions conducting agencies vanished and many are on the road for jobs.

    always confident

  • #702781
    Dowry system cannot be overlooked as still in our country there exist but only the word is changed. When we talk about dowry, it is not always money but as mentioned the author (#702457), it comprises of furniture, kitchenware, two or four-wheeler etc, for some people it refers to a plot of land or bungalow or hard cash only, for some people, it's expensive jewellery and gifts, investment of large amount in the boy's a business/firm etc. Many just say, we don't want dowry but you can give whatever you want to give to your girl. Yo do know the status of the groom. This one sentence is enough for the girl's parent to look for dowry.

    Now, I would also like the point raised by Sankalan(#702461), Marriage must be a personal and no one can force any unmarried people to marry, then why parents remain worried about their children's marriage? Why this unnecessary worry? What is going to happen if somebody doesn't marry? Love marriages are good but even that has some problems like family issues, etc. As mentioned in your title, "We can't change this society but we can change ourselves." Everyone should act accordingly and bring in change that will help the society to change.

    “The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." — Morrie Schwartz

  • #702785
    Dowry indeed exist in our country and we are afraid to take actions against people who ask for dowry and there is a law for it, but we do not complain anything we will lose a good family or a good groom. Some of them marry the girl only by seeing the wealth of her family and after marriage, it leads to problems in life. The groom must decide that he will not ask dowry when marrying a girl. He must look after the girl either through his salary or business income. Some of them give dowry because they have a feeling that our girl will not have a peaceful life in the boy's house and that's why they are paying for it. The society needs to be changed and everyone must think correctly, then only we can avoid asking for dowry.
    "Earning knowledge is by sharing it with ISC and we will rectify our mistakes."

  • #702798
    Dowry system is hard to eliminate is the belief of common people. We tend to neglect the potentials of the girl child. They are endowed with the natural talents and the parents need to identify such traits which can be further reinforced without being unnecessarily sentimental of being a father of a girl child.
    There are a lot of examples of such parents having the petty jobs such as Rickshaw pulling, Vegetable vendors, Helpers in hotels and their own daughter have cracked IIT or UPSC Cilvil Services Examination. It has not happened in a couple of days. The parents had the visions to change the out of their girl child. Due encouragement was provided to them and never raised the topic how their parents would be able to tie knot of his girl child. They created environment for the success of their own girl and ultimately won success in the battle.

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