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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Why a boy, after marriage, cannot go to live in girl's house for lifetime?

    In our society the general practice after marriage is that the girl goes to the house of the boy and stays there for the life time. This is a tradition and as most of the people follow it there is absolutely no problem in following it by us. My question is from the men community that if a boy is asked to stay in the house of the girl for his life time how would they feel about it. At the same time it is also understood that the sister of the boy would bring her husband to her father's house to compensate for the absence of her brother from the house. Would it be acceptable or there are some doubts and concerns to be resolved? Please share your thoughts.
  • #709476
    Nice question. This is because our society is a patriachy, that is usually the males are considered to be the main decision makers. But if you were to live in matriachy based society, well the boy would have to come and stay with the girl not the other way round like in our society. Matriach in our modern society is usually limited to certain remote locations and certain tribes like the amazonian women, they o'nt live in amazon forest though that's a myth. But certain such gypsy tribes and others still practice matriachy even today. If proven sucessful we could implemen that model in our society too.

  • #709483
    I know some cases like that. The boy went to his in-laws' house and settled there. Some rich people who have only one daughter will be opting for such practices. Before marriage itself, both the families discuss and come to an understanding that the boy will go and settle with in-laws. Generally, this will happen in the families where the family is having agricultural land and if the parents don't have sons, this arrangement will be made. In majority cases, these days no children whether boy or girl is no staying with their parents' lifelong. Boys are going away from their native place and settling in the city as they will have a job in the city.
    always confident

  • #709497
    In our society it is a costum to go girl boy'house after marriage for life time.we have seen the bidaae of Princess of janakpur lordess janki or sita also leave her father's home after marriage and go to lord Rama's home for life time. So it is our religion, costum and rules which is run in our society from very ancient time.In very rare case we saw the scene when a boy leave his house and go to girls house for life time. When the girl bride is only one child of his parents. Generally a boy get very respect in his in-laws house. But in the case of girl there isn't.A girl spent whole life in her in-laws house in every critical situations but a boy didn't. A boy didn't want to go his in-laws house even for one or two days. This is very strange that a girl is a house maid in her in-laws and a boy is lord in his in-laws.

  • #709501
    The Ghar Dhamad concept is not taken for granted at many house as it is considered sold out of groom to the hands of his in laws. The husband should be well educated more than the girl and if he earns good amount as salary, there is nothing stops him to look after both parents and mother in law house. I have been doing the balancing act for the past 28 years now and there is no complaint on either side. Mother would not like here son to stay at the Mother in law house permanently and she feels that the respect and regard would be lost if her son takes their help and stay their permanently and that situation arises if the father in law make arrangement for the secure future of the son in law and their particular demand would be to stay with them. Very rarely people accept Ghar Dhamad concept as the society does not like this also.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #709522
    Our society is a patriarchy society where the only male member is considered to be decision-maker. It has been a custom of our society that girls will go to a boy's house after marriage. In some cases, when a girl is a single child to their parents then boys go to a girl's house after marriage to settled there. In ancient society, matriarchy was in practice where boys used to go to the girl's house to settle there after marriage. Now, there is no problem with this kind of settlement as boys and girls both leave their native place and settle at a new place. Most of the people don't like that boys go to girl's house to live there after marriage.

  • #709566
    There is nothing wrong in doing that but sometimes our customs and traditions would rule even on the logical things. Once society sees a particular arrangement as culturally correct then it is very difficult to change that mind set as the majority of people would oppose that and the action would not have the blessings of the elders as well as not get their approval. So, there would be problems of execution in this shift.
    Knowledge is power.

  • #709609
    This tradition of girls leaving their maids has been going on for centuries. According to the Vedic scriptures, this is a process whereby the girl's father hands her over to the boy as a donation. The biggest debt in the world is believed to be that of a girl. Therefore, at the time of marriage, a father gets freedom from the shackles of the world by donating this important part of himself.
    But today's time is different, today both boys and girls do jobs and after marriage, they perform their duties towards both families, taking responsibility of both families and also teach new lessons to the coming generations.

    Swati Sharma

    Keep your Face to the SunShine

  • #709612
    To leave your own house and become a part of the in-laws family is a very old tradition for girls but in the current scenario, the situation has changed a lot. I have observed so many cases where the bride and groom leave their respective houses after marriage and settle as per the convenience of their jobs. The reason maybe is the working wives and jobs in different locations away from the in-law's house. They visit both the families (girl's family and boy's family) on festivals and other family get together.

    Living & Learning- simultaneous processes!

  • #709621
    Such an arrangement of leaving their own homes and accepting the girls home after marriage would not be a bad idea if there is consensus to go ahead with such a proposal. But as the time has progressed considerably and both the genders girls and boys are matured enough to take decisions, this should be left according to their wish.
    Some schedule casts and backward classes living in some area in our country preferred their son in laws to accept them in their homes after marriage and such a tradition, is still in vague.

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