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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    To what extent is control over children appropriate?

    Who does not like to keep children in front of their eyes. But with increasing age, it is also very important to let children do what they want, it is okay to keep an eye on the children, but it is not good to just keep clapping all the time, they can make them a victim of depression. Every time, keep asking them where they will come from, with whom they were friends, when will you study, how much preparation will be done, how long will you study, etc. One of the consequences of this may be that your child may be away from you. He may even start telling lie. Suppose you do this because of being emotionally connected, but grown-up children do not like to interfere more in their lives. because they do not understand your feelings in that way,and they feel that their freedom is being curbed.
    It is very important to keep an eye on the growing children, but forcing them to follow the rules given by them, force starts to depress them, along with keeping watch on the children of teen age, you should also give them exemption. Do not make a child who holds your finger all the time. give him the freedom to think freely.
  • #709784
    Keeping the children in control is a tough task because when a child is growing he has certain understandings and starts asking for his space and freedom. At that time if we control and pressurise him to follow our ways then it is very much possible that the child gets under the depressive state and then it would require a long term therapy to bring him back from that deep well. At the same time if we give him much liberty he would go out of control and do all those things that we dislike. So for parents it is a difficult task and the children understand it well and many of them who are clever enough exploit their parents in one way or other.
    Knowledge is power.

  • #709798
    In Tamil there is a saying that if a child touches the shoulder height of mother or father, we should not control them too much and that could be the age of 16 or 17 when they likely to step in the higher education. Once the child enters the teen age, ie from 13 years, he or she wants to feel freedom and does not want to listen to anyone and they have the compulsion to listen to parents because they have to stay and eat. And once they enter the college studies their behavior tries to change rapidly because they no more in the clutches of school controlling mode and college studies are some what freedom type and fashion hype. In that situation controlling the child too much for each and every issue would amount to torture and they may even turn hostile. So parents need to be friendly with children from teen age onward.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #709802
    Control over children should depend on the age of the child. When the children are in their early ages we should teach them what is good and what is bad. We should teach them the importance of being good and we should tell them some stories which will give morals to them. The elders should also behave properly and see that their children will learn from them. Then children will get good habits and then themselves understand how to behave. Then you need not control them and they themselves will be in the correct path.
    As they grow our control over them should come down. If we don't pay attention to them during their early years and trying to control them afterwards will be a real problem. Keep a watch on them and if you have a doubt that they are going off the rails, try to put them back on the rails. Then only the children will have a better future. Give independence where we can give them, advise them where advice is sufficient and control them where without control the things will not work.

    always confident

  • #709806
    I have seen a video related to parenting a few days ago. And I agree with the points highlighted in the same. Children are not our property and we are just a way to bring them to the earth. It is acceptable to teach them what is right and what is wrong but it is not right to force them something just because that is the correct option as per your views. We do not have any right to push them in any particular direction just because we came on earth before them. We should provide them literacy, education, and confidence to handle the odd things in life.
    If we try to control them beyond a certain limit, they will definitely not follow your instructions. It is better to be a friend of your kids and not the teacher. Let the school teachers do their duty.


    Living & Learning- simultaneous processes!

  • #709827
    It is all about the game of intention. If parents intention is to know the whereabouts of their children as they are worried about them, their kids will sense the fear. If it is too much, fear will be categorized into an unnecessary category. If parents intention is to discipline the kids, so they grow up as good humans, children will welcome that. If the intention is to know about everything as they distrust their kids, the energy that will reach to the kids is of distrust.

    It is important to first have a clear cut idea about ourselves. Whether we want to discipline kids or else we want to let them know that we are scared. Parents must guide their kids in the right direction. Teach them where they are going wrong and lead them in the right direction. However, do not burden them with heavy energy.

  • #709875
    Think of yourself ( parents ) as a mature gaming character you've played the game they call life. Now think of kids as new members of the game. You've got to teach em the rules, but the game they have to play themselves. You cannot play the game for them, so ultimately your job as a parent is to see that they understand the rules well and play the game properly. That's all a parent has to do be a mentor not tormentor to your kids

  • #709878
    It is easy to see the sun directly without any difficulty in the early hours of morning but if it is after 8.00 am.
    Further there is a saying in Tamil as, 'ainthile valaiyaathathu aimbathil valaiyuma?" which means we cannot correct a person at his 50 years of age if we cannot correct in his fifth year of age. Similar to that we cannot control a child once grown. We, parents, should apply more care in handling children with good habits, manners, make them to concentrate in studies etc., rather than diverting them into many activities other than study and manners. Many parents do not have time to care their children and as they isolate themselves from parents and brothers in the guise of privacy, the care in children become a question mark. Since the care from parents become rare the question mark develops big.
    Nowadays the children are left by the parents with their mobiles and laptops in a private room by following the principle of privacy as followed in western countries, the parents do not aware what the children do in their room with the computer or mobile phones. Moreover as they are frequently meddling with the mobiles there is a great possibility of getting eye problem etc.,
    So, the care from parents on the children is more important than anything. They earn only for them with hard effort but if the children got spoiled what is the use of their hard earned money?

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