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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Have you ever felt that he/ she is not the right partner

    In India most of the marriages are held after due verification and probing done by the elders and parents from both side and most of the marriages are fixed on the strong recommendations of relatives and friends. But after the marriage the understanding between the new couple may not be at the right level and even on small issues the face off takes place and that leads to big quarrel and even parting the relations. In that case every new bride or the groom may feel that he or she was not the right person to his/ her partner. Any comment?
  • #710189
    This problem was there in the society in earlier times also but at that time the society had strict control on the movements and actions of the women folk and they accepted whatever type of bridegroom they got. So, there was absolutely no problem as women silently followed whatever was asked them to comply. With time these things changed drastically and today we are moving to an equality between the genders though we are still far from the expected targets in this matter. So, today it becomes important to match the habits and nature of the girl and boy rather than matching a horoscope so that they can have compatibility with each other and can live together in an amicable fashion. We must understand that as women are also doing jobs, they also have some career planning and dreams about their future in the professional lines and we cannot expect that they only will take care of the household. So there is a paradigm shift in the world in this matter and things are to be understood in this new perspective. Males have to leave their egos and females have to appreciate it.
    Knowledge is power.

  • #710209
    The difference of opinions will be coming when two minds are there. But the beauty is in understanding the point of view of the other person and trying to balance our wishes and their wishes so that we both will be in a win-win situation. But if we start forcing our decisions on the other person without giving any value to their thoughts will begin the misunderstanding. One should have the ability to adjust to the situation.
    These days everybody is independent. Both wife and husband can earn. Similarly, any one of them can manage the house also. So there is no question that one is the boss and the other is the subordinate. They should discuss the issues with each other and come out with a proper plan to be implemented. When both the partied are involve there may not be misunderstandings and everybody will have a peace of mind. Marriage is a bond which should go for lifetime and adjustment is the key which keeps this relation go on.

    always confident

  • #710249
    From day one I have felt and over the years reinforced the feeling that my spouse is the best one for me and feel God has really bestowed his kindness on me in choosing her as my spouse. Never ever have I felt differently.

    Frankly, it was only one woman that I met, and the first and only one proposal brought to me by my elders. I very clearly told my elders that I can accept any woman as my spouse. I even did not want to meet her but told my elders they can finalise. But my elders beat me asking what if she wants to meet you. So I relented. My only condition with my elders was that she should have normal human values and good attitude. I was sure that by this she (we) can have a good life together. It is still so and I owe all the God things in my life to my spouse. She also will tell same about me.
    Together we thank God for his kindness and seek the same for the rest of our life also.

  • #710257
    The question raised by the author can be applicable in arranged marriages where your parents choose your life partner and you are given a chance to talk to your would-be life partner and both of you have to decide if the person is right or not but in the matter of love marriage couple has lost this opportunity to raise this question against each other. The reason is that their decision of marriage was based on their own volition.

    But the reality is that nobody is perfect, neither you nor your spouse. So wise people adjust and settle their bilateral issues amicably. Sometimes, you think that you are right and your spouse is wrong but later when you think over the issues and reasons, you find that you were at fault instead.

    I think life is the name of adjustment. Disputing, quarrelling, miffing all are parts of married life. The best way is that one of both should keep restraint intact and should keep his/her tongue in control, eventually, all quarrels will die soon.

  • #710259
    It is not good to blame a person just by saying good or bad but it is how we understand his or her actions, thoughts and change it to the wellbeing of the family as a whole also as individuals. We cannot expect all the good things in a person nor all the bad things, we have to sail the boat when there are huge waves nearing us as we reach our shores.
    Lead the leader

  • #710270
    Any relationship will have it's own ups and downs. A good spouse is one that sails with their otherkin through thick and thin. Both the boy and the girl must work together through their lives supporting each other. Their will be differences. But appreciation and appraisal is the key. Be bold pateint and kind. It's life you're treading on mate no path can equate this path and no journey can equate this journey. So choose wisely and live wisely. All the best

  • #710281
    A marriage is a marriage, it doesn't matter if it's arranged marriage or love marriage. In the end you get a partner who will be your lifelong companion and its the same for other person.
    Although both types of marriage needs commitment and effort to work flawlessly, it's like a cycle with two wheels. Even at times when one wheel is punctured the other wheel can still carry it along and yes the efforts involved will be more.

    So it doesn't matter if my family chose my partner or I chose it myself, until and unless I am not fully committed, the relationship won't work. If I don't have the understanding I will find fault in other and the other may do the same.

    For the same reason I think same caste marriages were the only thing in past so that the compatibility issues are least and the efforts involved will be less to make the marriage work.

    My partner will not be right for me if I am not right for her/him.

    Live before you leave.

  • #710285
    Life will be as per destiny. What is written on your pate is your fate that cannot be erased or deleted or rewritten. Ultimately, life is only adjustment and sacrifice. "Manaivi Amaivathellam Iraivan Kodutha Varam', a Tamil saying. It is the gift of God that you get your partner.

    We did not face any serious problems in our life. Occasional scoldings, minor quarrels cannot be avoided in marital life. Without which life won't be interesting. Even Thiruvalluvar, the author of Thirukkural has indicated in his last 1330th Kural that "Dislike adds delight to love; and a hearty embrace (thereafter) will add delight to dislike."

    No life without Sun

  • #710293
    Marriage Couple is made in heaven. We only meet on earth. If God has arranged a couple then definitely it would be correct.
    If you have to maintain any relationship in society then you will have to be adjusting nature. Some people blame on life partner only as they live round the clock on the same roof. But, we require adjusting nature for maintaining every kind of relationship.
    As far as a human being is concerned, nobody is perfect on this earth. People should not forget human value for success life.
    Nowadays, very less chance to raise this kind of question as gender equality is being seen everywhere. Boys and girls both are earning. In the absence of one, another is managing household work. Finally, we have to sail the same boat and reach the shore.

  • #710321
    Thanks for many responses to this post and feel that we tend to adjust with what ever we got and who ever is our partner of life.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

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