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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Never ever talk personal matters in the offices

    Any situation can turn tricky for anyone at any point in time. Here is one real-life experience of a person not known to me but known to one of my close friends. One really does not know how far this is true but it does sound alarming when one hears what pans out.

    Ramesh(name changed) was married seven years ago. However, Ramesh was from a very ordinary family. Since he works in a quasi-Govt organization in a regular job his parents arranged his marriage with a girl who was not only rich but also employed in an IT organization. Everything was fine for three years. However, some relatives seemed to have influenced the girl who turned hostile. She constantly started nagging her husband and in-laws that he was "useless" and did not deserve to be her husband. No other detail of the husband's employment is mentioned here, to protect confidentiality.

    Ramesh grew frustrated and sought a change in employment. His boss, who was a nice person, transferred him temporarily to another office, two hundred kilometers, thinking that the situation will be better since his wife will feel his absence and co-operate with him.

    Some time ago, Ramesh had trusted a distant cousin of his and told him the entire story. However, this guy who was quite a crook established a personal relationship with Ramesh's wife, which was unknown to anyone for a full four months. Since this person was also employed in the same organization, Ramesh came to know about it.

    Before any further damage could be done, elders on both sides intervened and had a big counseling session and the services of a professionally trained counselor also helped. The local police were made to warn Ramesh's cousin, who then withdrew after apologizing. Ramesh is slowly coming back to normal. His job is secure and his boss is fully supporting him.

    Somehow or the other, Ramesh's family life was saved. His wife is now slowly beginning to understand her foolishness. All this has happened during the Covid period, but the organization has been able to maintain over seventy percent production and us now back to almost the normal production.

    Ramesh's experience would teach anyone one big lesson: never ever talk personal matters to anyone in any office, even if he or she is your relative. I may add that I do not know the concerned person personally. The experience was narrated to me to warn anyone at any point in time.
  • #715326
    Mr. ABS,
    You have not posted anything special that is abnormal to warn the people about sharing personal matters. Many of us do discuss and share our family problems. I am sure, out of 100 people, 10 people must be sharing their home problems in their offices with their colleagues. All are not like the person you have referred here. But one should know the character of the guy with whom he/she is sharing the problems.

    No life without Sun

  • #715327
    It's not confined to the office only I think personal matters should not be divulged to any other person. In the long run, even your friends may spread your matters to others if your friendship goes off the track. In this story of a couple the author has mentioned, it seems to me that man's cousin would visit their home frequently because of being a relative and his wife being cuckold began to cheat on her husband. When this cousin came to know about their internal issues he took the advantage by consoling her and showing his sympathy with her and she easily got carried away and got tempted to have an extramarital relationship with this cousin. It also shows that nobody noticed what game was being played between these two. If the couple lives with parents then it was a big mistake of his parents also that they severed their contact with their daughter-in-law. Despite living in the same home they were unaware of who was coming in daughter in law's room and how many hours he stayed with her alone. And the blunder of that man is that he had left his wife back home and he went to another place. I think this man is a weak person who could not solve the issues he had with his wife. Instead of solving his issues, he shared them with his cousin, boss, a friend of the author and probably with other people as well. Why did he bring his issues in the notice of other people?

    Now they have reconciled all their issues but this question is obvious- Will that man ever forget that his wife cheated on him? I think he will forget because he is not as strong as a Man.

  • #715341
    Dear Sirs, Not much is known as to how things happened. The person who shared the real incidents did not want to talk much now, as somehow the peace in the family is back. Fortunately, not much damage was done. The good intention of the boss cannot be questioned.

    The wife seems to have learned all lessons. The main point that we should never talk personal matters to anyone is the most important message. The police has also played it's part quite well. I do not know finer details as I do not know the person concerned. Men are always men. If there is any gap, they try to get in. Married women sometimes fall for some nice talk or some concern. However, I also know of so many women who never ever let down their husbands, even if their married life is not so good.

    In any case, counseling by an expert seems to have played a role. It is a semi-urban location and hence possibly cultural restrictions have also enabled a good patch-up quite easily. In metro cities, women can be greatly more assertive.

  • #715361
    I am unable to relate the title and the content of the thread. In the beginning, it is said to be a real-life experience and in the next line, the author casts his doubt about the truthfulness of the experience shared. A real-life experience is always true but the thread is contradicting it. When you are not sure about anything do not give an example mentioning that incident There is an unnecessary description of personal affairs in the thread which could have been avoided altogether.

    When things are too personal, why to share them with anybody? Whether it's office colleagues or friends, it hardly matters.

    Excepting the first line of your response, it is only speculation about what might have happened or who made blunders. This must be avoided. You are not reviewing a movie here and describing too much of personal details is not at all required to prove your point.


    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"

  • #715362
    Mr. Sankalan, It is s one hundred percent true incident. The only thing is that I do not directly know the person concerned. The intent is to just highlight the dangers of discussing something very personal with others, particularly someone who can be totally trusted.

    For example, the same person had opened up with the counsellor. She is a professionally trained counsellor. The girl had done this as well. The police had done the right thing by warning the other guy since the elders used their influence. Without any complaint.

    I do not write what I do not hear or see. Even the last one was one hundred per cent true, word afterword. I stand by whatever I have written. If you find something wrong, that is your problem.

  • #715363
    Sun Sir, it is pretty common to discuss small things. We often do chide our colleagues for either being too submissive or even pull someone's legs on his or her skills at cooking. Such light-hearted discussion or sharing is fine. In this case, a guy employed in the same company had taken advantage of the situation. Since we hear so many stories ( our Sun-News reports dangerous trends every day and almost every incident of even murder can be traced to extra-marital affairs), I merely thought I should highlight something that was shared with me. This has happened only in my native State. I have not even mentioned the name of the place, though I know such details. Well, I stand by whatever I have written. You may have some different views. That is fine.

  • #715364
    The author has shared a lengthy content to this post but the gist of the matter is that we should not discuss the personal matter in the office. In fact we should not discuss the personal matters with anyone except the close friend who known more about us and even would bail out from the problems. What I feel that by discussing personal matter in the office, we are giving right of intervention to the office staff who are no were concerned with our personal life and yet start giving advise which may not be to our liking. And for some we become the laughing figure because it proves our weakness for not handling the personal matters deftly and thus feeling to share. Nevertheless people would have more enjoyment on our challenging personal matters and they even add fuel to already existing bad situation.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #715390
    We should be friendly with our colleagues but we should not get familiarised with them. This is what I see as the best way of moving with our office people. Why should we bother other office people with our personal problems and matters. Sometimes, colleagues may take us in a different way if we tell our personal matters with them.
    As a matter of fact, we should not share personal matters even with relatives and friends also. If we want any help we can request them but we should not bother them with our problems. Don't become enemy to anybody. Be friendly with all. Don't be near to some so that you may become enemy to other groups. This will make us be away from office politics.
    When we discuss our personal matters with others when we are not there other people may discuss among themselves and may make fun of us also. Some people will be like this also. So I always believe that let us not discuss our personal matters with other office staff and at the same time let us not show interest in the personal matters of other staff also.

    always confident

  • #715443
    This is an interesting post. Most of us routinely discuss our personal problems with the colleagues in office and they also ask our opinions and advices for their problems. It is so common but yes, sometimes it might lead to ugly situations and we should definitely avoid sharing our things with everyone there. We do not know who is who and what is in his or her mind about our personal problems.
    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #715532
    I agree with Sun's point that there is no harm in sharing personal matters with our friends, colleagues or relatives but we should be aware of the character of the person with whom we are sharing the matter, meaning that we must be sure that he is reliable. Most of us place our acquaintances at different levels and what we share with one may not be shared with others for obvious reasons. So, I don't think there can be a blanket ban on sharing our personal matters with our colleagues or friends. It is just that we should be prudent enough and must not let our emotions override our wisdom.

    I think Sankalan has got a point when he says that the author should have shared only such information about which he is sure. Otherwise, it would always be better to just narrate the same as an example or fiction instead of trying to be very authentic. That apart, most of us have must read such stories and also have seen in movies incidents of this type.

    Whatever it is, we get to see people who try to exploit such family issues and we need to be careful about them.

    **Members are requested to avoid personal raps.
    **The author is also advised to be more open to criticism and to respond to points in a controlled manner.

    'Knowledge is knowing what to say. Wisdom is knowing when to say it.' -Anonymous

  • #715567
    By our age, knowledge and experience we should develop a threshold as o whom to confide, what to confide and how much to share and confide. If we can guess and gauge the other person and always keep some outer limits for each person and each matter, we can avoid many such pitfalls.
    I agree that such things happen, and are more common nowadays. I get to read similar and even worse kind of reports. Prudence and precautions is always better. After the popularity and prevalence of social media many people give away many personal and private information- either by ignorance or by negligence. Many times we are not aware that we are sharing sensitive or important personal information. Things may look innocuous and common. But f these things get into the hands of criminals and crooks they can be misused.
    Human behaviour is influenced and impacted by circumstances and situations. Even a trustworthy person may be forced to misuse the confidential matters under certain circumstances. So the best to avoid risk is to take needed precaution and prudence especially in sharing very sensitive, personal private and confidential matters

  • #715613
    After home, office is the place where we spend most of our time positvely and to cope up the pressure and work schedules some freshness is thoughts is expected. I hope all of you agree with this point. In the event of discussions we get our family members behaviours into our minds first rather than any body else as we know them better. We have to be careful that we speak to like-minded people who cam shoulder us and give us comfort through their experiences rather than creating a problem for ourselves. So it is common that we discuss but we have to be careful that it does not affect us negatively.
    Lead the leader

  • #715659
    Personal matters not only in offices but especially in public places should not discussed or even talk. Last year my friend who was on the way to his office forget to take his purse with him. As he hold a concession ticket he traveled in the city bus. He told his wife over mobile in the bus as he forget to bring the purse. Through his talking little loudly he told her the place he kept the purse and cooling glass. By over hearing a man simply gone to his house who noted him while boarding casually, explained his wife that he have been sent by her husband to collect the purse and cooling glass. When she gone nearby her mobile, this person told the place where he kept them. By correlated the phone message and his saying she just handed over the purse and cooling glass. Later she realized that she got cheated on talking to her husband.

  • #715747
    Generally people confide their problems in life with friends, relatives, and colleagues and by doing that they feel a sort of relief that they have shared it with someone. It is a very common thing and actually it is inherent human nature to do so. In this process sometimes some good solutions come from the listeners also. It may also happen that some mischievous element could misuse the information and modify it in some way to become popular with the others but such occasions would be rare. I have not seen such a thing happening so often in our circle.
    Knowledge is power.

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