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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Can marriages between two highly assertive individuals be successful?

    Some forty or fifty years ago, marriages were more formal and serious affairs. Expectations on either side were not much. In fact, they were never expressed. There was some compromise in the marriage that the life partners somehow found common ground to agree more and disagree far less.

    Cut to the present. Facebook. Smartphones. Whatsapp and the email. Communication is so complete. However, this same communication also seems to be creating more and more problems. Disagreements are so common. Verbal fights are common too. Increasing assertiveness is the name of the game. Either partner would not budge an inch from their own "assertive" positions. They always want "to be". The search for the "right wavelength" is a never-ending process, if the catharsis of som many anxious parents is any indication.

    "Assertiveness" only means aggressiveness and a tendency to somehow make the other life partner " adjust" to his or her point of view. Is this a natural process? How do we deal with this issue?
  • #720784
    There are some advantages because of this dialogues between the boy and the girl before marriage. At the same time there are some disadvantageous also.
    One of my distinct relative' s daughter's marriage was fixed. But due to pandemic the marriage postponed. The boy is not responding to the phone calls of the girl. Always he is telling some excuse. The girl told the same to her father. He got a doubt and went to the boy's place to see him. Somehow he is trying to avoid his would be father in law. The suspicion increased and enquired and found that the boy is not interested in that marriage. So hey cancelled the match. Now that girl's father finalised another match.
    I know many people who talk hours together on phone before marriage and I also people who spend a lot of time on chatting with their would be. In course of this discussion they understand or misunderstand each other and getting separated before marriage itself.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #720785
    Marriage is a sacred ceremony which is solemnised and approved by society. But in modern age it is losing its validity and importance. Mindset of modern young generation considers marriage as an extra and sometimes, unnecessary burden on individuals. Live-in-relationship is getting place as an essential system of knowing each other and our modern society, especially, elite class does not mind them living together without marriage. In western society this live in has become so commonn that marriage is losing its attraction for young generation. Marriage system should not be discarded.
    Some marriages don't prove successful as the author has written about. This situation comes when both spouses are well educated and ego-centric. A successful marriage needs sacrifice, tolerance, patience, understanding and cooperation to each other. Nobody is perfect. Both have to neglect shortcomings of each other. They should sort out their disputes in a healthy way. Separation or divorce occurs due to intolerance to each other and uphelding their self-respect. If there are no intense feelings for each other a couple can't stay for a long time under the same roof.

  • #720800
    There has been a paradigm shift in the relationship matters during the last decades and the whole gambit of wooing and courtships are changing with time. Marriage, which earlier was a one sided affair, is now like a contest and exam where both the participants have to pass through it and even if they both win no one has right to dictate terms. It is a new situation and is challenging the superiority of men over women through ages. The new age women will not like any non sense and nuisance on her in any way and she wants to have her space just like the men want to have most of the time. So I would not hesitate in telling that male ego is being hurt and the women also becoming aggressive in some matters especially when she finds people offending her without any fault of her.
    Knowledge is power.

  • #720826
    The author has brought in one of the major problems being faced in the present society that the marriages which are held between two assertive partners, the adjustments and the forgiving is not that easy as both wants to stick to their wave length of thoughts and ego takes the front seat. We have been seeing many serials on the television as to highly talented daughter in law cannot cope up with the un educated mother in law who wants her new bride to follow the tradition and culture of the new house and at the same time the new bride is unable adjust and bear the nagging mentality of doing all the things against her brought up. And one more such issues comes to the fore as the adjustments within the family goes for the six and the new bride wants to shift away from the in laws much to annoy and agony of the united families.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease


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