Assertiveness and aggressiveness is not one and the sameSometime ago, in a posh locality of Coimbatore City, in a particular gated community, I was introduced to a very young couple and my friend wanted to help both the husband and wife, "see reason". He did not specify anything except saying that I would rather come to know everything.
He works for a good IT organization and she works for a very reputed bank as an officer. Both are bright individuals. It was an arranged marriage. Either of them complained that the other life partner was " too aggressive".Deeper probing revealed that this aggressiveness was sought to sort of establish supremacy in conversation. They were just thirty months into marriage.
After several rounds of counseling spread over the three days I spent in the city and further through voice and vedio calls, both of them realized their folly. Both were taught the nuances of being assertive, and giving his or her life partner the personal space for inviduality. Some wise advise also flowed from a famous Management Consultant, who would fly into Coimbatore every week on business. This person is related to the wife.
As it often happens, while being assertive is eminently possible without hurting the other person, being aggressive does not lead to positive outcomes.