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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Assertiveness and aggressiveness is not one and the same

    Sometime ago, in a posh locality of Coimbatore City, in a particular gated community, I was introduced to a very young couple and my friend wanted to help both the husband and wife, "see reason". He did not specify anything except saying that I would rather come to know everything.

    He works for a good IT organization and she works for a very reputed bank as an officer. Both are bright individuals. It was an arranged marriage. Either of them complained that the other life partner was " too aggressive".Deeper probing revealed that this aggressiveness was sought to sort of establish supremacy in conversation. They were just thirty months into marriage.

    After several rounds of counseling spread over the three days I spent in the city and further through voice and vedio calls, both of them realized their folly. Both were taught the nuances of being assertive, and giving his or her life partner the personal space for inviduality. Some wise advise also flowed from a famous Management Consultant, who would fly into Coimbatore every week on business. This person is related to the wife.

    As it often happens, while being assertive is eminently possible without hurting the other person, being aggressive does not lead to positive outcomes.
  • #723356
    Asserting or aggressiveness is the in born traits in some individuals that cannot be changed over night either through our voice or advice. They are stubborn to the fact that they do not listen to others and feel that they rule their life and none can take their rights. Such people are more egoistic and they would not adjust with others. And what the author has been telling about the family who were at logger heads and then came down to settle in life is not through the counseling but realized the necessity of life in future as nothing is going to come along and all these assertiveness and aggressiveness has to be left over and lead the normal life at times when the very existence of the live becomes question mark with none reaching other in terms of emergencies. One thing is sure those who change with the times are are the great thinkers.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #723363
    Sivakumar, is this topic different from what we had discussed in your thread Can marriages between two highly assertive individuals be successful that you brought up on the 16th of January '21? Please clarify.
    'Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power'. -Lao Tzu

  • #723366
    Such family disputes are quite a common incident which, sometimes, entails incidence in family bond. Educated couples, especially, when a wife is also contributing her family, germs of this disease which is called as ego would be cured first in order to keep a family in correct order.

  • #723385
    Saji Sir. I think the two threads are different. In this thread, I have tried to share my experience in a particular case referred to me. The basic difference between the two was the focus in this article. In the first thread we talked about marriage in general but with reference to assertive individuals.

  • #723393
    AB Sivakumar,

    Saji is right. There was no need to raise a separate thread just to bring out a specific case when the topic is the same since the overall discussion will also be on the same theme and not on the specific couple. Avoid parallel threads; they will get deleted. We also sometimes find that you are submitting similar types of articles. You need to check back and see if you have covered the same topic or the same points. Do not be hasty in trying to achieve a goal in terms of quantity only.

    When you make a commitment, you create hope. When you keep a commitment you create trust! ~ John C. Maxwell

  • #723411
    The wife and the husband are the important members of the family. In my opinion, they should have a better understanding of them. If they have that their family will run smoothly and happily. I don't think aggressiveness and assertiveness make no difference for them if they have proper understanding. One should understand the other properly and respect each other. Then everything will be in the right directions. I appreciate you the good work done by you and another management consultant in keeping a family together.
    always confident

  • #723427
    Personnel egos of the partners can ruin the peace of the married life. If both of the partners have the patience to hear each other without any interruption and could appreciate the feelings of each other, they would enjoy their married lives happily. Confrontation starts only when we don't pay due respect of the reciprocal feelings. Sometimes, their ideas may match but the start of topic should have the friendly tone and proceeding in that way, you could think that half of the battle is won towards the normalisation of the relationship. If the intention is fair, end result, too, would be fine.

  • #723463
    Madam, I talked about the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness in this thread. I thought of sharing something where I was actively involved. There might be some overlap. Well, am sorry. Regarding articles, everything is based on real-world experiences. The subtle differences can be seen. Yet, i will be careful. Am not in a hurry at all. Since am yet to come back to normal, am not even writing an article now. Perhaps later today or tomorrow, I may write one.

  • #723466
    Sivakumar, it is not mere overlapping. In the other thread you dealt with the topic and in this, you gave an example and said the same thing. We are not saying that it is intentional but we do sincerely want you (and others) to be careful so that such instances are avoided. I am not discarding the possibility of forgetting but I am sure that anyone will experience confusion when you are writing about the same thing again, and that too when the gap is less, and that is why we suggest going back to a few pages of the index to ward off any possibility of repetition.
    'Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power'. -Lao Tzu

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