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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Why maternal grandmothers are more caring than paternal grandmothers?

    I have observed many children that they only love to spend time with their maternal grandmothers. Even the paternal grandmothers are not so affectionate to these children. However, the same paternal grandmother is affectionate to her daughter's children.

    I don't understand the reason behind this. However, I have observed many children having complaints that their paternal grandmothers are taking more care about their aunt's children. If this partiality is shown then how the children also have a good relation?

    They will create some kind of jealous and may not build a good relation. Please share your views.
  • #725130
    What I feel that the mother would be so close with her relatives and by virtue of it the children also get attached to mother side relatives more faster and bonding than the father side relatives. Even my children gets easy and homely with my wife side relatives but when I ask them to accomapany me to my sister or brothers house they try to escape or cite reasons. May be the mother side relatives usher in lots of love and affection and the children get into their fold immediately where as the father side relatives are not showing that interest in the children.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #725133
    I also observed this in many places. But in my case, my paternal grandmother also equally affectionate like maternal grandparents. My paternal grandmother did not have any daughters but had three sons. She used to see children of all three sons equally. She was very affectionate. My maternal grandparents had no sons. They had three daughters. Out of the three one daughter never got married. The children of the other two daughters used to spend more time with them and they are very affectionate.
    I have no daughters and have two sons. We like my grandchildren very much and spending a lot of time with them. In fact, my granddaughters are closer to us than their maternal grandparents. These days in families ladies are taking a lead role and they will be definitely close to their mothers than mothers in law in general. As they are more close to their parents, her children may be becoming closer to them.

    always confident

  • #725134
    Mohan sir, I have a question. You said, maybe the father side relatives are not showing interest in the children. The same family is also maternal grandmother's house for your sister's children. So are those children not interested in your relatives? If yes, then why not your children?

  • #725195
    I have also observed it in some families where maternal grandmother loves their grand children  more than paternal grandmother. I think it may be due to them being the children of other family as they are the children of their son in law, husband of their daughter and these children don't spend much of their time with maternal grandmother and occasionally they visit with their mother and stay for a few days as guest and guest should be treated nicely. If these children do some kind of indecent activities maternal grandmother can't scold them as it may irritate their son in laws. On the other side these children mostly stay with their paternal grandmother so If these children do any indecent activity their grandmother may scold them too besides loving them.

    How much these old ladies love to these children also depend on how their different son   and daughter in laws  have treatment with their parents. If a son and his wife have good relations with parents then they treat their grand children much fairly too and another son and his wife do not treat their parents well they will also not treat their children much fairly.

    Also it is seen that a mother of these children always speak good about her parents, brother, sister and fill their love and respect in the hearts of her children. We see some phrases originated by a  mother like Chanda Mama, Billi Mausi, Bandar Mama - all these relations are attributed to her parental relations.

  • #725196
    Both sides make love to children equally, which I think is that the mother's family gets a little more conscious about their daughter's child, some of its main reasons maybe -
    First, the mother goes with her children for just a few days, so the maternal family is trying to give more and more love and care to the children who come for a short time so that they can give more time to the daughter's child at that time.
    Secondly, the reason could be that some of the customs of the society are very strange even today and the people of the grandmother side show their rights to the children in such a way that there is an insecurity in the minds of the members of the grandmother side, and they always get there is a worry about the daughter's baby when on the grandmother's house, and try that they should be safe and healthy in every way.
    Both situations depend on the thinking of the people of the family and society.

  • #725218
    This is a very interesting observation by the author and in many cases it is a fact of matter that maternal sides appear more affectionate. To understand it let us go in the root of our social fabric as applied to the marriage and happenings after marriage in a family. When a girl is married she has to leave her house and go to the husband's house and live there. When we live together then many conflicts and confrontations arise which make our lives a bit of sourly though many of us adjust and accommodate and live happily. So, this thing that we call as 'sourly' is not present in the relations between a girl and her parents and naturally the relationship would be sweeter. Remember that in general a mother can do anything for her daughter and give her all comforts but a mother-in-law by nature of relationship might not be able to do so. At the same time it holds good for the daughter in law also that she can do anything for her mother and provide her all the comfort but not to her mother-in-law.
    Knowledge is power.

  • #725219
    This may not be a general thing and would depend and vary from one case to another. There are many factors for this distinction in the behaviour of elderly people and the individual behaviour matters much. Most of the people like the children and care for them much.
    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #725257
    I will not accept it as a generalisation. Affection by grandparents to their grandchildren is a universal one.
    If someone says that only maternal grandparents give more love and affection to grandchildren, then I can take it only as a biased one from the side of the mother herself. I will then doubt that the mother herself is to blame as she would have ensured that her child is more seen and insisting her parents and not allowing proximity and more visits to or by her parents-in-law.

    However as an unbiased observation what I can say is that usually it is a tradition to have the deliveries(at least the first one) at the maternal place of the pregnant woman. Thus the maternal grandparents get an earlier chance and more earlier time to spend during infancy of the newborn child.

    As mother spends more time with the child than he father(usually) she gets more time to feed and reinforce about her parents and this gets embedded in the child's mind. Added to this more visitants to her mother's place rather than her-parents-in-law's place makes it appear that maternal grand parents shower more affection on grandchildren.
    It is again an extension of the 'bahu-saas' biased story.

    If one can keenly observe, the language words( especially the mother fed infant language) we can se are more biased towards maternal side. The words denoting relationship of maternal side are coined in so easy way than those words denoting relationship n paternal side. Most words of maternal side relationship can be said easily, but those of paternal side need some more effort and can talk clearly only after the infant grows teeth.The bias starts from there.

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