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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Do you completely mix with your children or keep a distance?

    In earlier times generally parents, especially the father kept some distance and remained a bit reserved with the children. The children also were a bit fearful of father's presence and did less mischiefs fearing the punishment. With time these things changed drastically in the society as parents mixed with their children very deeply and played games with them and had picnics with them and that distance which was there due to the reserved nature earlier narrowed significantly. Do you keep some little distance with the children still or you have adopted to the modern ways of complete mixing and enjoying time with them? Please share your views.
  • #728777
    My father always maintained a distance from us. We were having a fear for him. He was also never used to talk freely with us. Slowly that fear got converted to respect. Even today we talk to him with that fear only. I also used to maintain distance from my children. They never used to approach me for any thing. Their mother is the mediator. But now slowly we became close. Now they are grown up and settled in their lives. So they rake their own decisions. Generally they never consult me for their decisions.
    always confident

  • #728785
    When I was younger, I have talked very rarely to my father directly because my mother was always the medium of conversation between father and me. My father is a very serious person, he always talks very little in words, and even today we understand by his expression, I can barely talk to him. But I think now the time has changed, if I talk about my own family, then my grandfather and father are equally strict even today, but my brother is very friendly with his children. It is not that my nephews, nieces pay less respect to my brothers. Rather, I have found that the children are proving to be more confident and speaking the truth in this friendly behavior. While on the one hand, they share their parents' problems and other things, on the other hand, by a gesture of the guardian, and also obeyed them.

  • #728791
    This issue has been discussed in other threads also. In the past father would keep a distance from his children and the mother would be a mediator between him and his children and it was normal in every family. I still see some people are very strict about these manners and they never allow their children to be free with them. I like this social tradition but in this modern age mindset of people is changing and many of us talk to their children rather freely and create a friendly environment within families. Their children can share all type of problems with them instead of seeking the help of their friends who sometimes suggest them wrongly and these children go astray and go on the wrong path.
    But I think we as a father should keep a distance from our children. Also, we should avoid unnecessary teachings from them. These children don't like interference in their issues. A father should let them settle their disputes and let them solve their problems themselves but it does not mean that a father should not keep an eye on them and their activities or with whom they have a friendship. Letting them freedom does not mean that we should become their friends.

  • #728805
    As i am not a parent ,in fact i am an adult of 19 yrs but here i also want to put my views that what i even personally feel when it comes to the involvement of a parent with their kids .Now a days what we are observing in the society is that parents are so much involved and many a times panic related to their kids future even from a very early age when a kid is not even of 5 yrs .According to me it is the biggest mistake what parents do when their child is growing because they are restricting their kids from learning things like social interaction .playing outside with children of every kind of community ,managing things on their own which has literally disappeared from the environment ,adapting to heat , dirt while playing and there are many other aspects where a kid feel restricted .This thing makes a child very critical and fragile from inside which bounds him/her to grow . My own experience is that my parents did my grooming till my 7 th standard then i was send to hostel , i am not promoting to send your child to hostel but the kind of life changing experiences ,self dependency , not even thinking with whom i am sharing something makes a good person and that's what really matter to be a good human being and repellent to the difficulties which the kids to my same age are not able to manage . Regarding the academic part ,parents are so much worried now a days which just put the pressure and increase the anxiety level in their kids . Let them manage their own environment and their studies at a certain age which i think is 12 - 14 yrs when a kid start thinking and should learn how to be independent when someone is not there for him/her to help.

  • #728808
    My father was a strict person and his presence in the house made pin drop silence. He talked to us only when it was required and we talked to him rarely. We were keeping a full tab of his movements as when he left for the office and when came back and then when went to market and all our playing and making hue and cry activities were related to those movements and gaps between them. If we had any demand we used to tell our mother only who was responsible to take it to father for sanctioning. If our father told us to do something we simply jumped, ran, and start doing it but when our mother wanted us to do something then we always wanted some renumeration for it. I think most of the mothers are kind hearted. Today we cannot think to have that type of relationship with our children.
    Knowledge is power.

  • #728810
    By the way why should a parent keep away from the children, except for long transfer or not available due to official duty, every parent would love to have company of their children for sure. For me I play with them, crack jokes and they also feel ease with me. In fact both my children are close to me than their mother. After all if we are not understanding them then who else. Every parent is duty bound to be free with the children and ask for any doubts or demands no matter it may be small or big. That way the distance between the parent and children not created and all live with peace and love.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

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