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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Eloping and getting married is the act of courage or selfish trait ?

    We come across so many cases where in boy and girl who like each other but does not have the courage to obtain both parents consent stoop upon elope and get married and after some months they would come to parents to seek pardon and give the blessings. Loving and getting married is the most common thing happening, but getting the parent consent is most important and by eloping the children cause agony and anger in the minds of parents and that gives rise to much hatred towards them. Do you feel eloping and getting married is the act of courage or selfish trait ?
  • #731008
    In our texts there are provisions for different types of marriage. What we call 'Love marriage' comes under "Gandharvam" and the well known 'Swayamvaram' marriage in those days also is a form of Gandharva Vivaham. It is the marriage by mutual consent between the boy and girl.
    It can be seen that Gandharva Vivaha was accepted by society and law in those days. When that is objected by someone, then it may turn to 'Rakshasa Vivaha' when the groom defeats the opposing people and forcefully takes the girl with him. Except for very strong reasons of clan enemity or personal enemity,Gandharva marriage was well accepted in earlier days.

    Objections started coming more in the recent modern era when parents started considering economic and other parameters for marriage alliance. However our civil law permits marriage with consenting adults if it is not void or voidable by any provisions of law. Hence the loving couples intending to marry against objections from parents usually leave their homes as per situation and go for 'Registered Marriage".
    Being humans, gradually the egos subside and many families reconcile to the situation and accept the couple in their family. In the early and middle twentieth century it was considered elopement. But now such acts are easily tolerate and explained and justified as 'their own selection/choice'.
    Such an elopement needed some courage and grit in last century and in certain territory and among certain groups of people even now in our country. Many movies also highlight and sensationalise it. So some people still consider as grit. But the parents may se it as selfish act at least initially.

    tailpiece: I would request readers to refer 'Gretna Green runaway marriages' in this regard for some interesting information.

  • #731015
    Love marriage or eloping are all rights available to every adult person. Such love marriages, eloping etc are okay until it does not affect their parents and even themselves adversely and if they live happily ever after.
    One of my friends was having two daughters. Though the children were brought up with good manners, after finishing college, the elder daughter started roaming around and getting back home at her convenience. My friend and his wife pointed out this attitude and advised her but she did not care. After some days they arranged a marriage for her. She went to Bangalore with her husband. But after ten days their son-in-law returned to their house alone saying that my friend's daughter left the house leaving the mangalsutra back. Everyone was shocked and totally worried. Later they heard that she was living with another person who was already married. Though my friend and his wife went there and advised her to rejoin her husband, she did not relent. My friend and his family were heartbroken. After one year, due to some quarrel in their house, this girl committed suicide. In this case, whose life got spoiled?

    {Author to note- Edited}

  • #731027
    When the young people in the house don't have confidence that they can make their elders accept their proposal only will think of eloping. Here the problem lies with the parents as well as their children also.
    Some parents feel that their children should abide by their words. But children feel that marriage is a special issue in life and what type of turn it will take is not known. So they think elders should give acceptance to their proposal. When the children think that their parents will not accept their proposal, they will go for eloping.
    This is an advanced age and we should not go by old customs like religion and caste. We should give importance to the nature of the boy or the girl and if the elders feel OK in that respect, they should give their consent. If there is any doubt they should explain their doubts to the children. The final decision should be left to the children. In such a case I think there will not be any question of eloping. Marrying the loved one is not to be considered a selfish act or a courageous act. It is an act of compulsion when all other doors are closed.

    always confident

  • #731029
    It is not appropriate to spoil or break the old relationship to invite a new relationship. In my view, eloping and getting married is not the right decision, if the boy and the girl are truly devoted to each other, then they should make every effort to convince their family for their relationship and wait until the family members do not accept the relationship. And then a big celebration like marriage should be concluded with everyone's consent. But one thing family members should also keep in mind that due to fear and criticism of society or others relatives, they should not take away the happiness of their children's lives. If the families are happy with each other and they do not have any problem with the boy and girl, then they should be blessed with happiness and let them start a new life. Life can be happy when both a boy and a girl start a relationship with the approval of the family.

  • #731031
    Eloping is not a good thing instead convenience parents to accept the situation and celebrate the marriage with all near and dear ones. If a boy and girl like each other, it is better to convey a message to your parents about the liking and try to settle things through mutual consent of parents and get married. Eloping only creates a problem not only for the couple but parents also get offended. The offending parent is a cruel thing! Parents have brought us up and we should not leave them just for a boy or a girl. Try your best to convenience your parents and get blessings from them.

  • #731034
    Elopment of a young couple occurs when either of family or both families don't concur to marriage. But now a days young couples are aware of their right of freedom. They know that they can go to court to get married. I don't think elopment is good for couples or families. It is also seen that families create unnecessary problems before couple. They should understand that both are adult and they are free to choose their partner. But our society still.doesnot allow inter religion and inter caste marriages. When both persons belong to different religious communities then in most of the cases both families stand to oppose their relationship. They can't tolerate their union as a married couple. However, indian law allows them to choose how to live but society creates big problems before the couple. Often, we see such cases where parents of the girl lodged an FIR against the boy and his family also.

  • #731058
    Eloping and marrying is the last act that the loving couple commits as they fail to make their parents or family members understand their love for the other person. It is not a good act as parents get hurt but can we say that the loving couple just need to let go of their love and marry another person whom they don't love but for the happiness of their parents, family members, society, or religion live with a person whom they don't love. It takes courage to inform the parents and get their blessing and it's the wish of every parent to see their children married to a good person. Can we say that every marriage fixed by the parents is 100% successful. There are chances that the marriage failed due to many reasons. If we want our children to be happy or our parents to be happy, it is time that we sit together, come to terms, and marry with everyone's blessing. Now it means both the party have to let go of their ego and love for the best of others.
    “The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." — Morrie Schwartz

  • #731191
    Some opinions come that the eloping and getting married is ok if they live happily after marriage without separating themselves or divorcing due to misunderstanding. It is also not correct as we have to think from the side of parents on both sides, with how much expectations they brought up them.

  • #731192
    When the young people know that families will not be cooperating with their plan then they take the extreme action of eloping and getting married at some other place and then only come back to the house to take the blessings of the parents. Traditionally the parents are kind enough to grant forgiveness to them and then the life becomes normal. Problem comes when the parents do not allow them to come in then they have to make their own arrangement.
    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #731226
    Elopement, as Varghese has mentioned, is the last resort of a couple in love. It is an act that does require some courage but I don't think it would be proper to term it as a purely selfish act. It is an act that has to be judged from two angles- One from the couple's side and the other from the parent's and relative's side. So, while it may seem to be a selfish and defiant act from one angle it may turn out to be a practical action taken by the couple for their well-being when looked at from the other angle.

    Elopement was more common a few years, or say, decades back, when parents were very strict about the religion, caste, family background, economic conditions and so on and the girl or boy also did not have much freedom to express their choice. But, in most of the cases, the parents could also succeed, to some extent, in dissuading the boy or the girl using different tactics involving cajoling, influencing, forcing and even threatening. I think the love affair between a young man and a woman was more serious and pure then. They did consider the pros and cons before eloping and we might be knowing cases where even either the boy or the girl had stepped back from the relationship citing practical difficulties. They were aware and had clear ideas about their future.

    Things are different now. Though the parents today are not very strict about religious or caste differences, family status is something that is still given due importance. But the disturbing fact is that the youngsters today do not give much weightage to the opinion of their parents. Once they take a decision and tells you that it is their life, the parents have very little choice and worst is that no amount of cajoling or threat is likely to work out. So either you support the relationship and proceed to arrange the marriage or choose to stay away and let them have their way.

    What we need to be concerned about elopement today is the way relationships are being manipulated and exploited. I won't go into the details but I sincerely feel that our youngsters must be more serious about their relationships and should be very careful while becoming friends with others. We get to hear so many cases where girls, and even boys, are trapped in fake relationships through social media or by imposters and for many reasons, including weak family bondings, youngsters fall for such provocations very easily. Reading news about girls eloping with someone and returning after being cheated is almost a daily affair and the youngsters who are supposed to be more aware need to wake up instead of being in a dream world for their own good.

    'Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power'. -Lao Tzu

  • #731228
    Though elopement provides immediate solution to the couples but at the same time it causes frustration and disappointment to both the families. The couples should consider the darker aspect of such a harsh step. May be the couples would realise their mistakes at the later part of their lives and by the time, they realise the same say after five years, some tragedy might have occurred in either of the families. In the event of occurrence of such situations, their mental peace will be disturbed thinking that they are the culprits for such happenings. This would not speak well for their frustrated attempts. In no way, they can explain such events to their children as well.
    Hence solution lies in taking the parents in good confidence, although it is a time consuming process but it will guarantee you stability in your relationship.

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