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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Dowry in new forms in big cities

    The dowry of the modern age and big cities where there is no demand of cash and household items, but it is disguised in demand of making a wedding lavish by having it as a destination wedding, and as grand as possible.
    And phrases like we don't want anything but just that you took good care of guests. And how that good care will be taken by having lavish parties.
    Although this is the time of pandemic and it is somehow changed habits and perception of people about everything so is the marriage going on in a simple manner as well.
    But what do you think about this disguised demands and big fat Indian weddings have they become an indirect form of dowry and a way of showing power.
  • #733798
    Shame on the part of grooms and their families to seek for the grand weddings and destination concepts when the parents of the bride would in tense to get married of their daughter and burdening them with extra expenses in the guise of over demand is something not acceptable in the modern world of learned people. In fact I was thinking the other way. The thought process of the marriage should have been changed and the marriage be held at the home with limited guests and minimum expenses. Gone are the days when the bride side would be compelled to give everything to the girl as she would leave for the groom house. Now both sides have everything and they simply want the girl to get married with the boy and even no dowry because the modern girl is earning and that would compensate everything. I am totally against the waste expenses.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #733801
    The formula for dowry has shifted lately when the family of the grooms declare that they would not want any more by way of dowry but the guests are to be entertained without having any complaints from their sides. This is really a tricky affair especially in the pandemic phase. We may not oblige the guests many of the items including wines of their brands. They have the backdoor approach where we have to satisfy their lusts offering cash to the family of groom for entertainment of the guests. The expenditure of the bride side will be manifold because of demand of money in the name of entertainment of the guests which might be inflated ones. Such torture is to be tolerated if the marriage is accomplished.

  • #733805
    Dowry in any form is reprehensible practice. It should be banned. According to the law taking or giving dowry are prohibited but both sides continue this ill practice in our society. There should not be any special privilege for a boy. Boys and girls both are important. There should not be any discrimination based on gender. A boy does not have special wings that he can fly and a girl can't. Both are educated or employed.
    How to change this typical mentality?
    Somebody advised that love marriage and court marriage should be promoted. There should be a complete ban on Barat.

  • #733819
    Unless people change their minds such things will continue. In many cases, it will be found that the family of the bride is willing to fulfil every demand made by the family of the groom so that their daughter can stay happy after marriage. In many cases, you will find that girls are treated as a burden in their families and they are married off as soon as they attain the specific age of marriage. You will also find that many of the grooms' family think they are superior to the bride's family and the bride's family must obey the groom's family all the time. People having these types of mindset may behave in the ways mentioned in the thread but I am sure not everybody is of the same kind and there are a lot who think equally about boys and girls and there is no demand in any form from either side during such marriages.

    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"

  • #733824
    Dowry is not a thing got vanished or banned or minimum. But it is existing everywhere in many forms that is all. This is similar to the phrase in the hospital to doctor by relatives of patient,'Doctor, please my .....(patient)alright at any cost'. Here at any cost has no volume. By hearing this the doctor drain them well. Similar to this, in may cases the marriages are getting stopped or postponed in many houses for some reasons. When a fixation comes to existence the parents of both side emerges the marriages 'at any cost'. I have seen in one article that the parents of both side agreed amicably to solemnize the marriage in a simple manner and deposit the probable expenses of marriage in the names of couples. This is just to escape from the phrase of 'lavish marriage' but falls in to the phrase of dowri.

  • #733849

    That is true. Many people say that the function should be grand. What is the meaning of "grand"? I have seen people spending a lot of money on the function. So many varieties of dishes and many people don't even know how many items are available. A lot of money on decoration will be spent. Then videos, photographs, return gifts, costly clothes like this the list will go very long. Mother in law wants costly sarees and Gold. Groom'sisters should be given cash gifts and costly clothes. Like this, the total expenditure will become very high. I feel wasting such money is not good. Ok. Good dinner and some good return gift to the guests are OK. But why gold, cash gifts and costly clothes. As mentioned by the author it is a different type of dowry. But one more thing is the groom's side also they spend a lot of money and showcase their richness. Gold to the bride and costly clothes to the bride and others. Overall huge expenditure.

    always confident

  • #733968
    Forcing the other party, generally the girl's side, for making a lavish reception and facilities for the guests is in nature of dowry only. When the party is ready to do it and afford it till that time it is alright but those who cannot afford such huge expenditure will really be in problem. These things are actually a menace in society but when rich people make a benchmark many middle class also start following it by taking loans from friends or bank. They do not think that they should remain in their limit and should not waste money.
    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #733980
    I have attended one Muslim wedding that was so simple and never saw such a very normal marraige so far. The Dhula was in the Masjid having Namaz and after that there was tea party for the guests at the Masjid lawns and then all off them went to the bride's place and there the Nikah was held and the bride accompanied the groom without much fanfare and thus the marriage was held without spending anything and both of them are living good and better. In the name of destination wedding and extravagant expenses people are making the girls family to beg and borrow for the occasion at any cost.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

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