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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Let the butterfly come out of the cocoon itself

    In many families, parents pamper and care the children too much and they become very obstinate and demanding and worst thing is that they become dependent on parents for so many things and always look up to them. We have seen it happening in many families that the children even after obtaining a good age ask for everything to their parents and feel themselves lost if they are not there to help them. When the children grow and time for education and career making comes then again they look towards the parents for every small matter. At that time it starts pinching to the parents that why they have not brought up the children in other ways where they could have become more independent in matters related to their lives. But by that time it is too late and damage is already done. What do you feel about this situation in many families? Should not the butterfly come out of the cocoon itself?
  • #734110
    Nice thread from the author and sure to win the next thread of the week contest. What is insisted here that the children must be capable of mending their own ways instead of depending too much on the parents. The other day I was watching a television serial in Tamil in which the boy who is married and also in good sense always calls his mother to help him out to search for some thing and even for small problems to attend. Though the wife is there, he wont disturb her and therefore this kind of over dependence on mother even after the marriage is very irksome and some times the mother used to scold as to why she got him married so that dependence on her should be nil and nothing and he should mend his own way or wife should help out. It is good that parents should leave the children to their botheration after certain age.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #734117
    That is correct. After a certain age, children should not depend on their parents and they should be on their own. In the olden days, parents used to have more children and they are giving individual attention all the time. But these days parents are going for only one or a maximum of two children. All the time they pamper their children and making them parasites. This is making them lazy.
    I heard that in some countries the parents will leave their children and the children have to manage themselves. In India also I have seen some families where the elder son of the family has taken care of their brothers and sisters when the father is not able to maintain the whole family on his own.
    The young boys and girls should learn to come up on their own based on their interest and circumstances and they should tell their parents that they can manage on their own and if necessary they can take care of their parents also.

    always confident

  • #734137
    I agree with the author, because over dependence is destructive always in any context. Generally in India actions of people are governed by their emotions and parents even se their grown up child as small one. It's good to show love towards children but it's usually said that excess is very bad and this also suits in the case. Children found themselves helpless without their guardians. I here also want to note that even children also misinterpret this freedom, when we talk about freedom they also take destructive decisions as they are unknown what is right and whats wrong, whereas parents are experienced and hence they always see themselves as the best decision takers. So here the fault is with both sides, as parents thinking that their decisions are always good can make child helpless and child misinterpretation of freedom of decision taking can harm him.

  • #734169
    Yes, but one has to allow the butterfly to come out of its cocoon. If parents build self-made cocoons over the natural ones then it may not be possible for the children to break that. Parents must guide their children in the right direction but this guidance doesn't mean holding their hands every time while going in a direction. After some time parents have to let them move alone and observe whether they are moving according to the guidance. Evaluation is an important part of any training process and as long as the parents are not giving the responsibility to the children to carry out various tasks they will never know whether the children are doing it correctly. In many cases, the pampering of the parents does not allow the children to take up the responsibility and they remain dependent on their parents every time. Children should be allowed to take up the responsibility from the beginning and then only they can learn. For example, show them how to wash the garments and tell the children to wash the garments themselves the very next time. This will develop a sense of responsibility and children will never hesitate to take up new responsibilities.

    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"

  • #734171
    A very nice thread has been presented by the author. With normal people, this situation mostly comes to the fore, in the initial stage, giving more weight to the children and making them so much dependent on themselves, most parents feel right, but with time, increasing dependence also causes problems. This dependence not only troubles the parents but at the same time, also affects the lives of the children. Children have the freedom to make some decisions according to the starting level, and if the decisions are proving to be wrong, then learn from their mistakes. If all the parents keep raising the children only according to their own, then the confidence of the children grows relatively less. The author is absolutely correct that a butterfly should come out of the cocoon itself.

  • #734184
    Generally, parents love their children beyond the proper limit and it happens almost in every family. However, those parents who are busy in their personal lives, hire a maid to look after their children and these children are deprived of this excessive love of their parents.
    Observation of the author is correct that plethora of love in a family makes children lazy. They depend on their parents for all their work. The author wants to say that these children should not depend on their parents, rather they should perform their responsibilities on their own.
    Now, a question arises if these children who are pampered remain lagging behind others when they grew up.?

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