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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Is the lavish engagement necessary before marriage ?

    Now a days even engagements are also held on lavish scale with destination locales and thus the spending on entertaining guests has become challenging for the hosts. As engagement is the first step towards the ultimate marriage that need to be memorable and extravagant. But there are families which wants to fix the marriage date soon after the engagements without giving breather for the bride family to make such urgent arrangements. In your idea, what would be the ideal time gap between the engagement and the marriage date with a sizable presence of guests?
  • #743708
    These days people are having money and they want to exhibit their richness to their friends and relatives. For that engagement is a good occasion. Here the advantage is the girl's relatives and boy's relatives will understand how rich the other party is? The other day I was invited by my friend to the engagement party of his daughter. The function was in a 5-star hotel. The return gifts offered by them are very costly and the lunch is also very luxurious. There is no necessity of having such a costly party for engagement. But it is their wish, we can't say anything.
    Coming to the question of a gap, there is no specification. It all depends on the convenience of both parties. They should have enough time to invite all their friends and relatives who are away from their place and the relations should be given sufficient time to get their travel plan made and make the travel arrangements.
    These days some parties can do all arrangements for marriage in a maximum of a week's time. The only requirement is money and if you have that, there is no problem in making the arrangements in no time. I think a minimum of one month gap may be necessary.

    always confident

  • #743718
    Those who have money and those who want to impress others by their wealth and money always find occasions and ways to do that. Such people may celebrate the birthday of their pets. Recently I read a news item about someone lavishly celebrating the marriage of their pets. After all marriage engagement is one among the accepted and established family-cum-social event.

    People can exhibit what they possess. If you possess simplicity, you show that. If you possess opulence more than anything, you exhibit that. It is as simple as that.

    The Covid pandemic situation has proved that many things which were held with luxury and gaudiness can be done in a very simple way. So we know what is really essential. It all depends on the will and ways.

    Even those who blame the rich and wealthy people about lavishness and waste also are to be blamed as they themselves do the same in their own way.

  • #743723
    There is no hard and fast rule for the gap between engagement and marriage date and it is fixed as per the convenience of the parties. Sometime the bride or the bridegroom has to complete some course or has to wait for some career change and after that only they will like to go for the marriage ceremony and in such cases there could be a longer gap between the two functions.
    As regards the money spent on the engagement function it depends on the financial condition of the person and nowadays it is being seen that people who can afford and have good financial condition are spending money like water and it is creating a big problem for the middle class who also try to do in better ways taking the lead from these show offs. In copying these show offs the middle class are getting ruined financially. In my opinion people even should not spend so much money in the marriage ceremony and what to talk about the engagement function.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #743768
    My grandmother used to say that their should not be a long gap between engagement and marriage, and even old days there was no system of engagement. But now the time has been changed and couple want to spend some time with each other to know each other, especially in arrange marriage. Still it depends on the family and also if marriage is arranged or love. The important thing is that the time between engagement and marriage should be fine for both. In general families already made many arrangements for marriage and rest prepration like booking, cards printing etc do not take a long time.

  • #743778
    In fact, there should not be lavish expenditure in any marriage. It is the reunion of two families as a result of this new bondage. The marriage will strengthen only due to the mutual trust between the two families but for some of the families, it offers them the opportunity to exhibit their status with the lavish spendings especially before their own relatives. They would exploit every opportunity to show how comfortably they are leading their lives.
    We might see a considerable gap between the engagement and marriage due to various reasons such as bridegroom is preparing for UPSC examination or bride is engaged for her medical examination. For others, they, too, are engaged for different careers. So the gap between the two functions cannot be denied. However, both the families to be united would like to celebrate with a different mode with demonstrating their affluence. Such a demonstration is not very surprising in the Indian families.

  • #743791
    Engagement should be in-house affair and the marriage date should be immediate.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #743812
    Even now many marriages are conducted with religious and traditional functions and formalities. Hence marriages were and are having more significance traditionally, religiously and socially. Sp the marriage are celebrated in a way where family and society are invited and involved .

    However the engagements is the pre-marriage decision about conduct of marriage and the mutual formal interactive decision making function for that. Hence it used to be a closed function involving the very close relatives in both side families of the bride and groom.

    By and by marriages used to be held at a place and venue not necessarily that of either bride or groom. Moreover marriage had to be fixed on a mutually convenient date and as per availability of marriage hall and other facilities, there happens a gap of even many months between engagement and marriage. This may lead to situations when all friends and relatives may not be able to attend marriage function. So as a social convenience, people used to celebrate engagement in a wider way. This has now come to be a norm. This has pros and cons. There are may instances when the marriage breaks off after engagement as difference occurs between the bride and groom or between the families due to various reasons, in the intervening time. So in some families the engagement is celebrated as a large event and marriage is held without much gap and conducted as a relatively smaller affair with focus to tradition and family involvement.

    The pandemic restriction situation has led to smaller way of celebrations.

  • #743841
    The author took up a point really need at this time. Though it is not good to talk negative in all matters, the present prevalent matters are making one to think or talk like this.
    A boy in our distant relative side got a wedlock. Both the parents planned a betrothal to celebrate in a grand manner as they both having one child each. Every thing went on well as they lavishly spent for the engagement function by calling everybody. The boy was working in Bangalore with a noted employer. The girl's father by talking with the bridegroom after the engagement, asked him to have a own house in Bangalore. The boy and his parents agreed for this and got a new house nearby his workplace. After a gap of 15 days, on the before day of the marriage every body assembled in the marriage hall, The boy came by flight and reached the Marriage hall on the previous day of the marriage. Formalities of the first day were over but the girl found missing from the marriage hall as she eloped with a boy who she loved earlier, without the knowledge of her parents. Both the parents were in the state of nearly almost mad.
    This was happened really and I pointed this here to just not to defame anybody but to have simple engagement function with really family members.

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