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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    To what extent can parents bear a child marrying a person from different state or community.

    In India, we talk about diversity and love to talk about it in national and international forums. But when it comes to bringing diversity in one's household, no one will be ready to accept that easily. Caste, community, religious and cultural prejudices will always be there. Even the north-south divide is such a big thing when it comes to marriage. North Indian parents will always have reservations about the south and vice versa as they think about society first and then the kind of adjustment their child has to do in a different culture. And these fears get manifold when they have to marry a daughter into another community.

    To what extent will people be ready to the thought of marrying their child to a family from a different region, to other communities or to another caste even if the person selected is well educated, settled and have a decent life.

    Recently one of my friends who works in Banglore selected a boy from the South and he is well educated but their parents have some reservations about this marriage. Even though we often tease her that she is repeating Chetan Bhagat's "Two states" in reverse order, it is becoming a serious issue in her life.

    Are the diversity sermons only for paper and speeches and not for implementation when it comes to one's own family?

    {Note to the author- Edited}
  • #746368
    The parents of a child will always be interested in the well being of their kids. So they always strive for their betterment. When a lady from our house is going to another house, we should see that the daughter will be safe and happy there. That is why they try to select a boy from a known family. When the girl or boy comes and says that he/ she wanted to marry so and so, the parents will try to get the details and sometimes they may not accept due to some reasons. This may not be liked by the boy or girl.
    Parents should also come out of certain issues like caste, region and religion etc. But they should see the history of the family and the conduct and character of the boy/girl. These days I am observing a change in the mentality of the parents. They do also not object to intercaste and inter-religion marriages.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #746372
    It is universal that it is not that easy to accept a sudden change. In science we know it is termed inertia- the inability of a body to change by itself its state of uniform motion or state of rest.

    In our personal and social life also we suffer from inertia in various situations of change. But as per our need, necessity and compulsion we learn to overcome that in due course and adjust and align with the new changed situation.

    Marriage especially of our children is also one such situation where parents and well-wishers have some pre-conceived expectations. We feel that things will move or happen to us in the way it is familiar to us or in the way w expected it to happen. When the actuality happens is much different and and at much variance from the pre-conceived or expected and wished parameters, we feel disappointed and experience a sudden shock or jerk from the state of comfortable uniform motion or rest.

    Each one of us is comfortable in our own comfort zone. This comfort zone is there in every sphere of our life including our social life, career life, etc.

    We are all comfortable with people who have more common factors with us- whether language, food habits, dress habits, nativity, faith etc. The more common factors, the more comfortable and feeling of uniformity and ease of merging and feeling of belonging.

    Marriage is also one such bonding where we look for more such bonding common factors. Unlike in most western countries there is much diversity in India. This diversity can be seen in language, dress, food habits, rituals, faith and mannerisms. As marriage in our country is taken to be a life long partnership and bonding of not only two individuals, but of two extended families, we give more importance to marriage alliances. It starts from the selection of a partner to the immediate and extended relativity. The more common factors, the more ease for understanding and bonding.

    Migration for education and job becoming much more common, and as religion, caste or even sub-divisions thereon have many factors that affect and influence the daily life we search for common factors at that level more. Hence still in the case of marriage alliances we seek and feel comfortable with those parameters of religion, caste, language and nativity.

    When there is much variance in these common grounds in a marriage alliance, the parents and elders feel the shock and jerk of the inertia-break. So it will be their natural reaction to overcome it.

    However when it is the matter concerning own children, parents always suffer the pangs of affection, sentiments and umbilical relationship and just give in to the wishes of the children. That is, they simply adjust and try and learn to accept reality.

    The irony of the matter is that there is no one who is really broad-minded n this world. Every one is a hypocrite in one way or other. It is always one rule for me and one rule for others.
    Some years ago we had read the research and discussion on how much royal or native blood the fiancée of a member of Royal family of a western nation had. So, though no one is beyond all these, it is a stereotype for us to chew the cud again and again discussing such matters in our country, though we are far more open, broad and modern than many now.

  • #746385
    What I have observed in recent past that parents have been forced to say yes with the selection and agreeing of bride or groom. thanks to the online matrimony alliance portals which are scrutinizing every details and that would make take easy decisions. Here the proposed couples nod has become important and the parents have become immaterial. As both are earning members, they have the capacity to arrange the marriage in decent way even if the parents discard the alliance. In such case the parents are forced to accept as they want their child to live happily ever after. But what I say that when the marriage was decided by children themselves, the consequences if any should also be their botheration and the parents should not be disturbed at all. And how the parents would be allocated with money for their safe living is also a matter here.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease


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