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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Active GD- Do you support remarriages of the elderly? Why and why not?

    Men and women get married when they are young and live happily. The married couple may become single due to the death of one of the partners or in some cases due to divorce as problems arise in their married life. Until the single person is active in work or in good health, loneliness does not bother them much. Living single makes life difficult. The necessity of companionship is felt very much in such circumstances. In the olden days, there was a joint family system. There were grandparents, parents, brothers, sisters, and their children, and loneliness was not felt much. Now with the nuclear family system, there is no one to take care of the elderly people. No one to take care of their emotional needs. Health also becomes a problem and sometimes the finances also may not be sufficient.

    Remarriages in the elderly are slowly picking up even though many in the family are against it. With remarriage, some problems arise especially property issues and this is the main objection for many in the family. Living single is becoming so difficult that some are venturing for remarriage or live-in relationship in spite of objections in the family. Live-in relationships may solve some problems. Social acceptability is another problem, especially for children. Men getting remarried is somewhat easy when compared to single women.

    Considering all the above, do you support or object to the elderly getting remarried in view of their difficulty in single living? Let us discuss all the aspects related to the topic.

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  • #746458
    Though remarriage at the old age should not be a matter of taboo in our Hindu Society but we are guided with some norms of the societies and these are to adhered to. Now let us consider the psychological angle of the old people interested for such an alliance at their decaying ages. There are people having attained ages of over seventy but are physically and mentally active and remain interested to have a life partner after the demise of his beloved. If one is interested to have a companionship with a old widow where both could enjoy their lives with some enjoyment and thrills, our society should not mind. The complications in such cases are non acceptance of their children for going ahead with such relationships apart from social hindrance. The children would not like to part ways the money which the old persons have accumulated. They would have their eyes on such possessions. However, we need to think of their rehabilitations.

  • #746466
    Remarriages are acceptable these days. I know some men as well as women who married again after losing their partner. I support remarriage always.
    The wife of one of my close relatives eloped with somebody after having two kids. She left the kids also with their father. He never showed any interest to get married again. But I and his sister encouraged him to marry and finally, he married again. They are ok now and the children are grown up and everything is normal.
    But before going for a remarriage, one should think pros and cons very deeply and then only we should make a decision. When somebody is going for remarriage the age difference should also be taken into consideration. An old man or woman marrying a young woman or man is not good. The financial condition of the individual is also very important and that is also to be taken into consideration before taking a decision.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #746467
    I am of the view that old age is very challenging and taxing to which the younger generation does not have the patience to look after the elders and therefore considering the need for each other help, remarriage during the old age totally agreeable. At the old age the companionship makes wonder as both of them talk with each other and also discuss many issues. Normally the younger generation would not like to spend much time with the old people and hence a life partner at the fag end of the living is always necessary. Some old people does have property and money and for that reason the children may look after, but the freedom to go out and enjoy something for themselves are curtailed for the old people and thus they want to live in freedom and for that purpose going for remarriage would be the best resort.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #746486
    Companions are needed for people because they can discuss their personal matters only with them as much trust is expected from them. Old people also have an urge to have someone to rely upon. As the old people feel that,they need those people all the time, they prefer getting married to their partners.

    As regards marrying,I feel they should be very careful and make enquires about them. Some may be good while some might not be

    Coming to children,I have come across some new in social media that married sons an daughters themselves select partners for their parents and get them married. This is because some children stay far away from their parents and are constantly worried about their saftey. They feel if someone is there to attend to their parents all the time they can live without much tension.

    My view is,before taking decisions both the parents and children should discuss the plus and minuses and come to a conclusion

  • #746487
    There is no harm in getting married in ones old age after the demise of one of the spouse but there are certain things which are to be considered before going for such a step in once old age. In the old age the main reason for going for a marriage is the companionship and feeling of togetherness especially when other members of the family have no time for the old people or because of nuclear families the old people have to to live alone in their houses.
    The decision of marrying again has to be taken with due diligence and prudence because if an old man marries with a young girl then this will not be a good match and though one can get a girl from a poor family but it cannot be a justifiable thing if a young girl is married with an old person. Same is true with an old woman that she is not to be married with a young boy because of obvious reasons.
    Nowadays society is opening up and these things are not being considered as a taboo matter or the forbidden thing and definitely the deserving old people, whether males or females can go for a remarriage in their lives.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #746488
    At that time Raja Rammohun Roy introduced the practice of widow marriage by going against society for the shake of society. How much time has passed since then but our society has not yet given its full recognition. But it is also true that in today's busy life the new generation is totally incapable of taking care of the elderly. Therefore, in the journey of normal life from loneliness, remarriage of both men and women is very important. So I support it. Not just based on the image of today's society, it is equally important at all times. There may be some difficulties in the family for this, but in the interest of each other, we should bear it with a smile. If the marriage breaks down in the middle, it remains unfinished, so remarriage is the key to its happy ending. The lonely elders can find their way of living.
    Believe in the existence of God the superpower.
    Regards
    Dhruba

  • #746493
    In general, there is nothing wrong with going for a remarriage. The same is true for both men and women. But the individual has to decide this based on his position. need and eligibility.
    An old man who lost his wife or an older woman who lost her husband may require some companion to be with them during old age. Then they can think of remarrying but they should not think of marrying a young boy or girl. The other party should have an interest in marrying them. That is more important. The wishes and the hopes of the other party also should be taken into consideration. Taking the financial position as an advantage one should not force the family of the other person to accept the marriage. If somebody is forcing that will become exploitation. They should search for a suitable person and then go for marriage.
    A companion is required in old age. That is true. So search for a similar case where somebody is also looking for such a companion. Then both can discuss and decide on the marriage.
    To lose a partner at an elderly age is very pathetic. These days children also are not with their parents. Definitely, the elderly person will think about remarrying and that is correct also.
    Marry to have a companion who will be happy to accept you as your companion. But never force anybody. This is my feeling on this issue.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #746511
    Remarriage among the elderly looks good on the paper considering the difficulties faced by the single living elderly people. Remarriages may solve some problems but they may create a lot of problems in reality. The first and foremost is the division of the assets that both of them have.

    The remarried couple may in all likelihood be having children of their own. They may have assets also. The division assets become a problem once one of the remarried couples dies. By virtue of the marriage, the children from the first marriage may get a share in both of their assets. A lot of legal problems may have to be faced by the legal heirs of one or both families. I do not know the legal points about such a situation but there are plenty of chances for court cases that stretch for a long time.

    In a remarriage, it may be the second time for both of them. The adjustment will not be that easy as in the first marriage. Some adjustment problems arise making it difficult for both of them. They may have to repent for venturing into marriage for the second time. The first marriage remembrances are likely to make them compare with the present.

    Social acceptability may also become a problem as our society is not much used to such marriages. It may not be a problem in higher class society but not so in a middle-class society.
    The children of both the partners will be uncomfortable living together. Even if they are living separately, there may be an uneasy feeling to visit and mingle with them for festivals and other functions.

    The financial arrangements for household expenditure also may cause some friction. One of my friends got remarried and they were always having problems with the household expenditure. My friend is a very calculated person and his wife always wanted to spend more than what he liked.

    There are some other problems which will be discussed as the discussion goes on.

    " Be Good and Do Good "

  • #746516
    In actual this depends on an individual willing to get re-engaged. Human personality is so complex that we would not be able to figure out the exact reasons behind such decisions because there can be multiple reasons and occasions leading to this, but I have no evidence of any single incidence wherein society feel negative about it and that one may get cornered. This may be because the elders do not get much attention with regard to the actions being taken and advocated by the younger generations. I also do not feel disregard or contempt for remarriages by the elderly so far this suits their life and even if some misadventure, they should not get much interference from some third party.

    Considering a different facet of this could lead to not-so-fortunate circumstances. This may include property disputes or hijacking of social status.

    Although I am not opposed to these decisions, the experienced would know that these are very delicate to maintain and at the same time very much fragile if things do not move as agreed or presumed or of what had been felt of or figured out earlier.

  • #746519
    I believe marriage is not everything in life. The GD topic initiated by Mr KVRR has mentioned in the description that at elderly age finance too become a concern for some. Now the point is, when financially someone is not sound, then getting into marriage will become more burdensome due to lack of adequate funds. In our country, maximum women are financially insecure but, should it be the right reason to get married at a very ripe age? Even men who are not economically sound and getting married despite it means shouldering more responsibilities after marriage with limited means will create further trouble.

    Life needs to be trouble-free, but entering into wedlock and inviting monetary hassles further should be uncalled for, in my opinion. Life is not about simply having a companion because it is natural to be left alone one day. People must learn to cope up with loneliness and fruitfully spend time. I am not against the remarriage of the young ones, but certainly not in favour of those getting married after good ripe age.

    shampasaid

  • #746525
    In old age a person maybe financially in a good position but he is craving for a company. Who can give him company accept his own wife. Similarly for an old women who can give her the best company accept her husband. So at that fag end of life when there is no activity and no role in the decision making of the household which is being run by the children or by the servants whatever the case may be, one definitely yearns for a company.
    In order to pass the remaining life with a company of almost equal age becomes a necessity and is not a general need.
    I have a strong feeling that the people who become widower or widow should ponder over their financial position as well as age and then decide for a remarriage as early as possible.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #746527
    Psychological needs of the old people can be best compensated with the availability of matching partners and if that element is absent due to tragic end of either of the partners, life becomes monotonous for the living partner. Though at this stage, one might have accumulated enough wealth but this factor becomes meaningless unless someone is close to him to share their mutual feelings. I don't think children would take them otherwise because of their analytical abilities to judge how best their fathers/ mothers can lead their lives meaningfully with a proper alliance of a matching company. Of course, it would be a matter of serious thinking for the entire family to consider the pros and cons of such a development. This should proceed with the open mind for the consideration of the benefits of living two souls jointly so that this would turn out to be the perfect companion for the old couples joining their hands for their remarriage.

  • #746535
    I am completely in agreement with the marriages of elderly people, especially if they are willing and find a life partner.
    Often children don't want their parents to marry because of the fear of other children from second marriage and division of property.
    Such things should not be made reasons to stop two people from marrying. This is often the case when the widow or widowers are of age range 50-60. Neither the children themselves live with their nor do they want their parent's ti to marry. If the reason is property such selfish behaviour shouldn't be tolerated by parents as well, and live as per their happiness.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #746536
    Going through the opinions of the members, it is clear that some property issues will develop between the children of the man and the woman who tied the knot. One of the partners might be childless or unmarried; still, the property might cause pain because people are usually not broad-minded to accept even a fraction of less wealth by sharing it with a third person. An elderly wife or husband would claim a part of the spouse's property after death, while their children from a previous marriage would not be happy to part with that amount of money. Life can be different only if the man and woman marry for the first time in their old age, or widower and widow and are childless.

    We should not forget that the basis of a strong relationship depends upon understanding. Having an arranged marriage poses a threat to understanding each other. Even if it's a love marriage, the fear persists because knowing someone to an extent is not equal to staying together. Living with each other after marriage needs some compromises, and if the couple is not ready to adjust, then their marriage becomes a burden, be it at young age or old age.

    shampasaid

  • #746538
    I have a question for all those members who think that for having a companion one should get married and not lead their life alone. Is anyone sure about how long one will remain alive? The uncertainty remains for every person of any age that how long one would be alive, but still, this type of uncertainty creates fear in the mind of older people more. At times misfortune strikes hard at a young age too, which becomes difficult to accept, but after a certain lifespan, death becomes acceptable because it's the rule of nature. What will one do if, after getting married in old age, one loses one's spouse within no time? Will the widow or the widower get married again? With age comes insecurity of life, and if getting married serves the purpose of finding a companion, then the process of finding a partner can never come to an end because of the looming uncertainty of life. Everything comes to an end, so the search for a life partner must also stop after a certain period.

    There are lot many things to do to spend one's life in a fulfilling way. Spending time by getting into gardening, serving the needy, helping a bit in household chores, sharing life experiences and anecdotes with the family members, self-entertainment through watching television and listening to music, or many other options are available to keep oneself positively engaged. Marriage is not a solution to loneliness. It might enhance further if the marriage brings in disparities unlimited.

    shampasaid

  • #746541
    A man and woman after getting married live for themselves only. They enjoy life. Once a child is on the way, their thoughts and lifestyle start changing. They fully concentrate on the child they are going to have. They toil to bring them up and settle them in life. All this with many sacrifices. When one of the partners dies, the surviving partner has to take care of the children. If the surviving partner decides to remarry, it will cause many problems to the children psychologically. There may be a few who encourage them to get remarried but most of them do not accept as adjustment with a new person will be difficult. It is not right for the surviving person to go against the wishes of the children, after having taken care of them from childhood to adulthood.

    Death is inevitable. One day or the other, one of the couples will die. This is a known fact. They have to be prepared for such an eventuality and plan their life accordingly. They have to change their lifestyle and adjust to new circumstances. Remarriage may cause more problems for them and their children also.

    " Be Good and Do Good "

  • #746542
    #746538 anything that is enforced is not a solution. And in India Men often get exemption from norms of piety and all those things while women are subjected to enforced norms of piety and a certain way of life.
    The way you are saying suggesting things for widows and widowers to do are also some of the things expected from them as if all the purposes in their lives have ended. Such expectations of society are completely wrong, people even want these people to grieve in a certain way. And if they are not living according to that standard they are often get judged and harsh things are being sad.
    Why does the idea of elderly people marrying and living happy, jolly and young couple creates such ripples in society.
    I don't think there is any kind of activities that should be set aside for the life after one partner dies.
    There is a wonderful depiction of how people expect a young widow to live once her husband dies and when she does not they just can't understand what is wrong with her and begins to call her "paglet" meaning mad. Even the cinema has an important role in creating an image of widow and widower in the people's mind where they are just thinking about the happiness of family and nothing else, no personal life.

    Why be so interrupting about one's parents or elders lives, let them live happily in whatever manner they find suitable and live your life peacefully as well.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #746544
    If we think of other possibilities after the union of the old people after their marriage, it may not go as smooth as expected but there might be cropping of differences of the opinions at a later stage. Such happenings are not uncommon and may take place which is of course beyond our hands, but the same cannot be generalised in most of the cases. Again due to uncertainty of lives, either of the two can die within a few months and in that way, they might not enjoy their perfect relationships. There are always possibilities of betterment of lives and we must think of other ways which could bring happiness to the grieved in the event of loss of life of the opposite partner. The decision in such a case would vary depending upon the outlook of the living partner. We cannot deny the possibilities of some partners of reunion with their preferred partners if the situations are conducive. These are the remote possibilities and these are not our guiding factors. Rather, we should go in such relationships where there is the mutual faith and love between the two interested to have knots due to tragic end of either of the partners.

  • #746552
    Real-life is different from a movie scene having a far-reaching impact on one physical being. This would be essential to take note of one's preparedness and able to bear the consequences.

    In a nuclear family, this would not be a success unless willing to continue separately.

  • #746553
    After reading various posts on this topic, I am a little bit confused. In the title of the active GD, it was mentioned as" remarriage of the elderly".Here elderly refers to whom? It is not mentioned as remarriage. Parting of a partner in the two can happen at any time. Based on the age of the individual only a decision can be taken. So to whom the author is referring as elderly. I think clarification on that point is required.
    We can't say remarriage is good or bad. We have to study case to case and decide based on the merits. The two main issues are age and financial status. There may be many other issues like adjustment with each other etc. These are common for marriage or remarriage. When we marry a person, he /she should get adjusted with the other partner and they should have a mutual understanding. So before finalising a candidate to marry/ remarry there should be a discussion between the two parties and once they feel they can go together, then only one can go ahead.
    Property disputes and other issues may come within siblings themselves. We are seeing many issues and court cases in these property distributions and sharing processes. There are ways and means to settle them.
    The main point is only whether the age is suitable for remarriage or not is to be decided and then only one should proceed.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #746563
    There had been tremendous changes in our society and joint families are fast changing into nuclear families. Another thing is that in old times many people in their young age were going for multiple marriages and it was being seen as a normal thing but remarriages by the elderly single people were not considered a normal thing and in fact in some societies it was seen something like a forbidden act. In many families, children didn't approve that and elders also didn't venture for that type of activity.
    Today there are drastic changes taking place in the society and we are observing a lot of changes in the thinking of people and remarrying in old age is becoming common. The financial conditions and property disputes are always an issue in such cases but in a cordial relationship such problems would not arise.
    Elders also have a right to live in their own ways and from that point of of view we should encourage the remarriage of old single people.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #746565
    #746542,

    About which type of purpose are you talking? Life is full of opportunities, and marriage should not be the only objective in life. There are numerous ways through which people can get immense mental peace and satisfaction. Spending time with a husband or wife cannot be life's purpose after one attains a ripe age. In my post #746538, I have pointed out that life is uncertain. Suppose after marriage one of the partners dies, what will the other partner do? Should the other partner get married again just because to have a companion? Such a thought is ridiculous. One must learn to accept life as it comes after a certain period and must find solace in it. Remarriage is acceptable definitely for a young or middle-aged person but not for a widow or widower in their sixties or above.

    The point you made that people must not be restricted from enjoying their life according to their wishes, should then we support an aged man getting married to a very young girl to make the point that the girl didn't remain unmarried? Every decision needs to be taken at a proper time, or else it faces many consequences.

    shampasaid

  • #746566
    Marriage and remarriages are entirely dependent on personal choices and nobody cannot be forced and in fact, should not be forced into it. We see several examples wherein when after the demise of one of the partner, the other partner loses his/her confidence and do not want to set a new relationship. Sometimes he/she find himself or herself unable to forget the previous relationship or commit the new relationship.

    However, I am also in favour of remarriages of elderly people. Because I think remarriage may help to regain self-confidence. It may also develop a sense of comfort because living loneliness may create some mental problems. It is not easy for everyone to live alone and also not safe especially for elderly people. There are some factors that should be considered when elderly people plan to remarry such as they must be mentally and emotionally ready to start a new relationship.

    I also agree with the viewpoint (#746458) that elderly people who are in their fifties or sixties or seventies but are physically and mentally active and are interested to have a life partner after the demise of their beloved. He/she may choose a life companion. But age should be considered as the main factor because if there will be a huge age difference between the couple their might be some issues related to their understanding.
    Further, I don't feel anything wrong, if an elderly woman suffering from financial distress and seeking a good relationship to deal with and want to remarry.

    Because marriage is a mutual relationship where mutual understanding matters and people can fight any situation together. I think it is not wrong in any way if a wealthy widower or divorced elder man marries an elderly woman who is in poor financial condition.

    Because of the poor financial situation, it cannot prove that he or she will not be able to maintain a healthy relationship or we cannot say the remarriage of them will not be a success just because of financial issues.
    Marrying at an older age is not much different that of marrying at a younger age. In fact, at an older age, the people get mature and they can understand right and wrong. Marriages need compromise and mutual understanding but it doesn't mean that people will stop marrying. Marriages at a young age are acceptable but at an older age is not. why? Do older people don't have feelings? Or do the feelings of older people fade away? Don't they live as humans? or do they become godlike?

  • #746567
    @746553: I thought the elderly will be easily understood as those who are old in age. The senior citizen could be used but that implies people of 60 years and above. Remarriage means not the first marriage for both partners. In a case-to-case study, circumstances vary but the discussion may be carried out in general.
    " Be Good and Do Good "

  • #746569
    #746565 possibility of the death of a partner can not be made a reason to stop people who want to marry because there is no guarantee of life even of a young man or woman. Even if the marriage lasts for some time if it makes an elderly couple why society needs to interfere?
    If they find happiness in companionship why ask them to find happiness in other things?
    Why do we expect elderly people to live the life of ascetics? If they are not ready to choose such a path why enforce things like social service, worship, meditation and other things like that.
    Secondly, I am not at all in support of that kind of mismatch where one partner is unwilling and too young.
    But if the younger partner enters such a marriage alliance willingly it is not an issue there are many examples of celebrity marriages with such age gaps.

    And it is not just the case of men, elderly women should also have the right to remarry without the fear of judgements of society. Many kids made such arrange marriages for their parent's happiness if the parents felt lonely. Since society is changing so should the norms as well in a positive manner.
    Initially, parents are the ones to think about children and their happiness in later years it is the responsibility of children too to look after their parent's happiness as well and be able to see them as humans with feelings, as an individual and as a friend like not just parents or the superheroes they are made to be.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #746571
    Further, some members wants to escape from the thought of remarrying due to the fear of the uncertainty of life. I want to tell here, that life is full of uncertainties and due to the uncertainty of life not remarrying should not be a good idea. It is true that mishappening can strike anytime and anywhere. But afraid of mishappening, a person does not stop living. Everybody is not assured whether he/she will awake live tomorrow morning but only because of this fear he does not give up sleeping. And I think if elderly people get into remarriage they will feel more security from the uncertainty of life and will avoid negative thinking.

    However, remarrying is not the only option to the loneliness but still, it is the most powerful option because marriage is an important relationship in the elderly life. Because a spouse can only give you that care and support that no one else can give. You can share everything with your spouse. Of course, one can spend time walking, gardening, playing with grandchildren and other work but the quality time he/she will spend with their spouse cannot be compared.

  • #746574
    @746567
    Thank you for the explanation given by you.
    If a person who is above sixty and has children stays with him/ her, I don't see any reason to marry again. There will be family members and they will be good companions to the elderly persons. But these days the nuclear family concept is more prevalent and the children may be staying somewhere else. In such a case the person can go for a remarriage. But the person should search for a suitable match and there should be clear discussion and understanding before deciding to go ahead. That will make their together life will be smooth. The chances of having children after 60 will be very remote so further complications arising will be less.
    What I want to convey here is all depends on the understanding the two partners will have and the adjustment mentality of both will make their lives smooth.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #746575
    Marrying at a younger age is totally different from remarrying at an elderly age. Marriage at a younger age which generally will be the first time for both of them, starts with enthusiasm. There will be physical attraction also to make adjustment easy for the couple. In a remarriage, both the partners start with little hesitancy, and developing intimacy will be not that much easy as in the case of first marriage. In a way, life in a remarriage becomes difficult as adjustment to each other takes time. Remarriage is nothing but inviting uncertainty in life.
    " Be Good and Do Good "

  • #746577
    #746569,

    Your thought process regarding the remarriage of aged people gives a dramatic touch. The real world is not a stage of performing arts but a day to day rigorous toiling of existence. Neither I nor any of the members who are against the remarriage of a senior person are supporting loneliness. You have not reacted to the point that if death occurs then, should another marriage take place? You are not ready to discuss death that which is inevitable.

    We come alone in this world and one day leave the world alone. One has to be alone for a certain period, and fearing loneliness if one wants to escape it by getting married several times is not a worthy thing to do. Your write-up sounds so accusing that not supporting remarriage for the elderly couple is too harsh. If you go through my previous arguments, you must understand that remarriage with existing complexities will increase it further. Happiness and peace will be at stake.

    In reality, how many married couples are compatible? Most marriages are based upon mere compromise, and you expect aged couples who lived their lives on their terms would suddenly forsake everything for their spouse. A real-life is always bitter than the imaginary one, and I think at an elderly age, one needs to lead a peaceful life. How many of the aged persons have stamina and health to look after each other's needs? If they fail to manage such requirements in life, then companionship loses its flavour. Attachment grows with time spent, and it cannot be a strong bond by spending a year or two together.

    shampasaid

  • #746578
    Of course, Remarriage might create some issues in some cases where adjustments are called for in different situations but this is not applicable for most of senior people interested for remarriage. They are not likely to tie their knots all of sudden. Rather, they might have spent enough time of togetherness exchanging different aspects in their deliberations. Such frequency of talk would manifest their outlook and their inner personalities. They would be more passionate to develop the relationships only when they are satisfied emotionally with their exchanges of ideas in the multiple issues and as such their companionship would not cause any major setbacks in relation to adjustments in their married lives. Some minor adjustments might take place between them but then these could be amicably sorted out.

  • #746579
    #746577
    Unlike the marriage of a young couple who in half of the cases went through marriage under social obligations, family pressure and love as well, elderly people go for such an option after much consideration and by choice. It is not the case that someone is forcing this decision on them so they should not be judged, stigmatised and ostracised for that this is how society should see such relations. Here, on the one hand, younger people are often compelled to marry, as soon as they cross the age of 25 everyone wants them to be settled down and start a family, on the other hand, elderly people who are willing to marry are ostracised and judged for why do they need marriage at all is the biggest question asked to them.
    And I think the experience with their first marriage will not be a hindrance.
    In fact, they will know what they did wrong in the previous marriage and previous life partner that they should not repeat and it will help them to readjust, co-operate, be considerate and understand each other.
    I guess it is the first marriage where people have high expectations from the life partner rather than the second. In second marriage they will have a chance to be a better partner and be more compassionate.
    My arguments at times do seem too idealistic but only with our acceptance that they can become reality because there are families which are living examples of such marriages and gets published as well.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #746584
    Most people spend their whole life in the upbringing of their children. Some of them even don't have spare time for themselves. And, sometimes one of the partners dies or they got divorced due to some reason and get separated from each other or remain single as widows or widowers. At that time most of the children get engaged in their studies or jobs and they don't have enough time to spend with their parents. However, I am not saying that they do not care for them but I think that there should be someone to accompany him at that time who can care for him. Now, if he/she finds someone with whom he/she wants to spend his/her life and share their desires, I don't think anything wrong.

    Anyway, the parents sacrificed their whole life for their children. And it's not necessary at all that they should sacrifice their remaining life for their children too. I think it is better to be a little selfish at this time because being a little selfish is good for emotional, mental, and physical well-being which prevents them from being fatigued and stressed.

    As far as possible, parents should not take the responsibility of sacrificing their happiness and enjoyments for whole life for children. They have full rights to choose a life partner even at a later age if they wish to.

  • #746586
    #746579,

    Nobody is judging the senior people. It's hundred percent their choice whether they want to get married once again at an old age or not. Using heavy words like ostracise and stigmatise do not allow us to remain blindfolded towards the imminent problems. If the people getting married are compatible with each other only then it's acceptable, but it's possible only if the couple knew each other quite well before marriage. Still, none should forget that lifespan can play a spoilsport, and when one is left alone after a short stint of a second marriage, it simply ruins the rest of the life. Losing one's beloved is unbearable, but somehow one learns to bear it, but second-time loss makes life miserable especially when people become physically, mentally and emotionally weak with age.

    shampasaid

  • #746587
    Interestingly, members in support of the motion highlighted that the young parents spend their whole life nurturing their child, and later they are left alone while children get busy in their respective lives. Having a child is the parents' call, so quite naturally, it's the parents' responsibility to take care of their child. When parents are left alone, people tend to blame the child for one's parents' loneliness which is unfair. A child will grow up, and the struggle for life will begin. In due course, the parents might get a bit isolated in most cases. Yes, some selfish children do not spend time with elderly family members, but that cannot be a reason to set up a new family. It may widen the gap between the parents and their young ones, especially if the new member starts interfering in the private matters of the children. No adult child will accept such interference. Just getting married for having a companion is a simple issue in context to the problems it would invite for every concerned person of the respective families. It's easier said than done. Challenging life at a young age is convenient than throwing challenges at a ripe age. Having an open mind is always good, but a practical approach is better and much needed to maintain a family life sincerely.
    shampasaid

  • #746600
    Having a child is the parents' call. But I think people think that all responsibilities lie with the parents because they choose to have a child and now it's their responsibility to raise them and to accept their every demand. But, in this world almost all people have children and some of the parents really devote their lives to raising and upbringing of their children. If due to some mishappening a parent remains alone and children, as usual, gets busy in their studies or jobs then I don't think that there is anything wrong if the lonely parent is searching for a life partner. There are several case studies where due to the demise of a parent or due to divorce, one parent takes the responsibility of raising their children. They face emotional, mental and sometimes financial problems also. If after spending some years or a part of their life lonely as a single parent if he/she mustered up the courage to start his/her life afresh with a new partner then what is wrong with this? I think children should not be so selfish and must understand these things and support their elderly family members.

  • #746605
    In old age, the new relationship in the form of marriage gives happiness which makes the ageing journey of life more joyful and graceful. The main thing is the security they get that they had lost after they lost their first spouse. And it is quite possible that such remarriages will become a success as both the partners are now at their ripe age and they can think and understand things better now as compared to young age. So, successful marriage in old age is quite possible when both the partners are ready to take on new responsibilities. This will increase the chances of a better quality of life in old age when both partners know how to give and take in a relationship. They will understand each other and will try to establish their new relationship at their level best.

  • #746613
    So far no objection but some concerns in context to financial security and stability in social relationships. Few have escalated this to the younger generation for irresponsible behavior towards their parents. Everything is ok and this will continue to be there so one needs to be mature enough to live with those.

    If one is willing to go ahead and face the unexpected and unpredictable in the above terms, then take your pick and apply. Society will have its own say in either of your decisions.

  • #746614
    I once again reiterate that lone and elderly people should definitely go for remarriages. Only thing is that in old age when people remarry mainly for companionship then there are some issues which are to be sorted before such marriages. First is that the two people marrying with each other at this advanced age would have their own children, grandchildren and other relatives and some of them might not like this idea while others will be along its side only. So sometimes this relationship at that advanced age might affect the relations with other people and that the elderly would be remarrying couple should keep in the mind and isolate and ignore those things as they might have some consequences and implications in the property and other inheritance matters. Apart from that there is no problem on any account.
    Further there are some people who were deceived or cheated by their partners earlier and now are in a mental frame that they should not fall for a new relationship. But we cannot take precedence from the past cases like that as every new relationship is a beginning of a new story and why we should have apprehensions about it unnecessarily as it is going to provide us a happy and contented remaining life companionship.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #746618
    #746586
    Stigma and ostracisation might feel like just big and heavy words here but they do have relevance here since these are the biggest fear of children and people associated with elderly people marrying. And a hurdle in such marriages.
    About the life span thing, just because there is a fear of a short lifespan is not at all rational, in some cases, people have way too long a life span and that too can become a problem.

    Another hurdle in such marriages is finances and fear of division of finances.
    There was an old uncle in my locality a retired colonel from the army who was living retired life but alone and sad since his two sons were settled abroad with their respective families and only came back for holidays of 15 to 20 days even though they did ask the old man to live with them, but the old man decided against this since he did not want to live his home and native place and when his wife died. He decided to marry a widow of around 55 age with a daughter when he was around 75 and took the whole responsibility of them.
    And now living a happy life, he is a well-known figure there since he donate so many things at so many places, initially, people laughed at him but now he is recognised everywhere. Although his sons were this as well and did not come back for a few years but later accepted his decision.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #746619
    The relationships of the old couple should start afresh without the consideration of their thinking how other people would react. This should be a journey of a new life where there should not be places of unnecessary negative thoughts and any new apprehension. They should be able to enjoy the companionship whole heartedly.This should provide them enough opportunities on the parts of the husbands to show their skills of different recipe making at least in a week to offer his partners with the tangy dishes if they are having this skills. His partner should be open hearted to praise them for such offerings. This being the time of perfect enjoyment and as such the newly married husband would not object the proposals of outings of different locations to enhance their pleasure. They are the only sole partners to decide what best would suit them and this can be achieved with their mutual consents. They should not resort to the third party for better handling of their timings.
    Even their children should try to encourage them to lead more purposeful lives with the newly formed alliance.

  • #746620
    If any person believes that marriage is the only key to happiness, satisfaction and solace, then that person can marry until one gets the right companion. Let's consider a man or a woman spent a long time with one's spouse, and after the death of the soulmate, one starts feeling lonely. Will marriage to another person be the only solace? In this world, no one feels contented totally. Even after marriage, there are piles of dissatisfaction, but unless experiences in marriage are not brutal and disrespectful, no one tries to end it. Those who spent a loving married life, among them if anyone decides to remarry after the death of spouse then one's expectation will be very high. One would always try to compare the present companionship with the previous one. If the second marriage lacks to any degree, the dissatisfaction will crop up, and marriage in old age will become a botheration. Expecting everything to be hunky-dory is like staying in a fool's paradise.
    shampasaid

  • #746621
    When somebody thinks about a remarriage at an advanced age, definitely they have to think about both positives and negatives. if one wants to break his/her loneliness and wants to have a companion, he/she has to compromise on certain issues. When the children are away and not caring for their parents, there is no point in thinking they may raise disputes. These days we are seeing people worried about time but not for money. So we have to compromise there.
    One can't have both egg and chicken. One has to decide one of the two and see that he will enjoy life the way he/ she wanted.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #746622
    Like each marriage at a young age does not guarantee happiness likewise in old age it is also not a guarantee. It is life and happenings and mishappenings are parts of it. It is quite obvious that sometimes some marriages come to an end in separation/divorce due to some reason.

    But just because only due to some brutal and disrespectful experiences in marriage, people do not stop remarrying. There are several cases where people remarried after an unhappy marriage and then live a successful happy married life. They found themselves happier and with new sense of purpose with the new partner.
    When one would try to compare the present companionship with the previous one, he/she also know about the past mistakes and then he/she would be extra careful so that the past mistakes would not be repeated. So that there will be no dissatisfaction.

  • #746623
    Some members have raised financial/property issues in remarriages of elderly people.
    So, I want to tell you here that these are the issues that may always be there even if the elderly person is not going to remarry or their spouse is still alive. But it becomes a crucial factor when a person remarries at an old age not only because the offspring will have to share their property but also it affects both partners too.

    When two elderly persons decide to remarry in that case several changes may occur in their life. Like both, the partners may have children from their previous marriage and they may have some assets/property, money, or even debt also. After marriage, if both partners are earning their collective income, if gets increase, it may increase tax liabilities also. So, financial advisors must be consulted before planning remarriages in such cases. These couples go for a prenuptial agreement. These agreements protect the assets of each partner from confusion or misallocation after one's death or divorce.

    However, financial matters can be handled sensibly. For this help of any financial advisor can be taken. So, everything has a solution. If anybody wants to make a decision with regards to remarriage financial issues can also be handled like other issues.

  • #746625
    I want to mention to those members who favour the remarriage of elderly persons that the other members and I, raising doubt about remarriage at a ripe age, aren't against the happiness or companionship of any aged couple. I feel going into any relationship brings forth lots of responsibilities. Senior citizens are prone to health issues, especially some nagging ones. Taking care of oneself becomes difficult after an age, then managing the health issues of both would be tiresome. The members favouring old age marriage will come up with a reasoning that partners will look after each other, which will smoothen their life. In my opinion, it's a sweet imagination because constant health factors puzzle people, and irritation engulfs the relationship.

    #746618,


    Talking about stigma and all is not applicable in our discussion. We are putting forth our personal opinion after considering all the pros and cons of an elderly marriage. Neither I nor any other opposing member will make anyone feel low if one marries at a ripe age. That's entirely the decision of two mature cum senior persons. The real story that you narrated in your passage is undoubtedly a positive example. Well, one such happy marriage does not signify that all such marriages will be successful. Two people can be good friends without any expectation, but the moment friendship turns into wedlock, expectations from each other keeps on mounting up. That's where problems can arise. In young age or old age, life revolves around expectations from one another, and spouses fail to fulfill one's expectations, which might lead to disconnect and dissatisfaction in marital life. What's the use of such hurtful marriage in old age? It may further make the partners repent for their decision because, in old age, people want mental peace, and agony will make their life hell. Just staying together at ripe age is not necessary, but understanding is more important to have a good life. Why take a chance if the marriage decision falls flat then, nothing can give solace, which one requires at every age.

    shampasaid

  • #746626
    #746622,

    Kindly read post #746620 once more, and you will find, I have not meant those marriages in which divorce took place, so there is no question of recalling one's mistakes and avoiding repeating them. I mentioned in my post about the happy couples of whom one dies and another one gets married once again. Naturally, one would expect the same coordination and understanding as one had in the previous marriage. Sadly, if it does not happen, then dissatisfaction is bound to mount up.

    shampasaid

  • #746628
    People living in old age homes often get married, even when they already have some form of companionship. Love can blossom at a later age as well which is missing from all the points discussed above. Everyone here is seeing marriage as such a mechanical kind of process to be done for the sake of loneliness only.
    When we know that elderly people might also have some feeling of love and affection towards the other person.
    After all, age does not kill the feelings of humans they remain as potent as they are in the younger generation, it is the right platform and condition of society that decides how these feelings will take shape in future.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #746629
    #746626
    You might have not read my post thoroughly. I have enlightened another aspect. If I consider your post wherein you have mentioned that when the couple spent a loving married life, and after the death of a spouse, one will have very high expectations from the second marriage. It is quite possible but remarriages are not always done for a search of a companion, sometimes people also want refuge and security. However, when they are divorced or widows/widowers they cannot share their mind matters and feelings with others. But a companion can give that refuge and security and above all, he/she can move his/her shoulder forward with whom one can lean on. Other family members may help to create joy but love and care from the new spouse give another form of happiness.

  • #746635
    If the elderly people wish to remarry they can definitely opt for that. Old people need a companion to share their views. Though they have a big family no one would be ready to spend time with them. Many old people live alone and many solely depend on the maids. They have a fear of death and they are also afraid of being alone. Many old people spend most of their time in serials and whatspp. So I feel they need a companion of their age.
    Tips for Healthy Life

  • #746644
    I would like to add to the point made in #746635 to which I agree.
    It is not just about the caregiving that elderly people require often they don't have anyone to talk to since their children don't have time for them they are busy in earning for the family, and grandchildren don't understand things from their perspective because of the generation gap and try to avoid their grandparents, and only visit them when they need something. In such a situation if they wish, elderly people should marry, rather than getting tensed because of their loneliness and negligence from family causing them hurt which again brings negativity in the whole family. It is the best remedy only if one seeks it.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #746658
    Remarriage in old age is effective in dispelling loneliness because of the entry of a new partner in life which may also bring several positive changes in their lives. The feeling of being remarried can give ultimate satisfaction. But the main problem that is faced in such types of marriages is the discouragement of children, relatives and friends. In this case, people may also opt for cohabitation. In the main thread, the author has also mentioned live-in relationships in elderly people. It might be a solution for those who want to avoid remarriages because of children and property issues. Because when elderly people choose cohabitation in place of remarriages it can solve the problem of loneliness and also avoid issues that may arise due to inheritance of property. In this case, there will be no legal obligation and their children may continue to take their responsibilities. But again it will not be easily accepted in society especially in the case of elders. So, remarriages are again more practical than cohabitation.

    Further, in case of financial /property inheritance issues, (I already mentioned in one of the posts) may be solved by pre-nuptial contracts, which will include "unchanged property right, unchanged inheritance right and unchanged parent/offspring obligation." These will help in avoiding any misunderstandings and conflicts that may occur at a later stage.

    Overall, I want to say that remarriages can provide a better solution for staying happy and healthy and also help in maintaining a cheerful disposition and emotional stability in elderly people if they are desirous and seeking a new partner.

  • #746660
    #746629,

    I have read your post well. The way you highlighted the issue of a divorced couple was entirely ignoring the point I raised regarding the couples who had a beautiful relationship, and getting married a second time after the death of a spouse would be very critical.

    Before I add my concluding statement to the GD, I have a single question for the members who support the elderly marriage. I want to know how long one should keep on searching for a companion?

    Well, I firmly believe that searching for a companion must have some age limit. No one can be hassle-free. One or any other crisis hits every human being, and one such problem is the lack of a companion which occurs due to various causes. Searching for a companion does not mean that a person should not think of its pros and cons. Getting married is easy, but fulfilling emotional, financial and practical responsibilities become tough with age. Health becomes a concern, and when one suffers from health problems, then it becomes extremely tough to take care of others.

    Life is uncertain then taking a chance is not correct. Suppose something goes wrong, then what will be the future of the living spouse. I strongly oppose the marriage of the elderly couple.

    shampasaid

  • #746664
    In conclusion I would say that life is a long journey and those unfortunate people who lose their spouse early in their lives can definitely consider for going for remarriage even in their old age because when the children are busy with their own careers and lives who would give company in that difficult and last phases of ones life. It is the spouse only who can take care as well as give company to each other. Everyone is entitled for a fair chance to live ones life happily then why not the single elders.
    Knowledge is power.


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