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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Children should be able to talk to parents- Fear and Respect

    There is a difference between fear and respect and often in the Indian context parents take fear as respect. Often this fear makes children lie a lot to parents, and parents don't even realise that.
    Currently, I am living in Delhi in a PG for my exams. So there is a girl in my PG, someone snatched her phone (which is a very common scenario) in Delhi.
    But the girl is so tense and as well as so afraid to tell her parents that she had to lie to her parents about it that, her phone is damaged and it will take a few days to repair it. Now since she has already lied she will have to tell more lies to hide the first lie.
    She has opted to get a new phone with monthly EMI rather than telling her parents.
    Why are children be made so much afraid of their parents so that they have to lie in such a tragic situation as well?
    When it is not even her fault, snatching is something she could not have been able to foresee, but the fear inculcated in her is stopping her from telling truth. To what extent such fear is justified.
    I know it is her parent's hard-earned money and even children respect that but to be so much afraid to tell them it feels so wrong.
  • #746746
    Children should not have fear for their parents but they should have respect. If they have fear, many problems will crop up like the one the author narrated in her thread. Once a lie is told, many lies will follow to see that their lie will be covered up.
    I have seen many children who will have fear for their father but they will be very normal with their mother. They will never show any sign of fear with their mother and discuss all their problems with them. When I was a kid I was having fear towards my father. But I have no fear of my mother. I used to tell her everything openly. My requirements also were being told to her only and she was seeing that we were comfortable.
    One should not have fear for both the parents and telling lies to the parents is not a good trait. We should not hide any issue with them. Intentionally, we should not do any mistakes but if any mistake happens we should tell the same to the parents and we should keep them informed all the issues without hiding.

    always confident

  • #746747
    This is the catch 22 situation for every child as they fear to tell the truth and the parents are not that rude or having enmity on the child and therefore the self deciding something and lie is not acceptable. In this case the girl should have told the parents that the phone was snatched and she has to make arrangement for new one. In that case the parents would themselves arrange a new one and the girl need not opt for monthly EMI. Even I too have two children and we have trained them not to hide anything and they too behave like the friend and reveal everything to us and we make the damage control immediately. And with no fear the children has to reveal the happenings to the parents and that would be right attitude otherwise the situations would escalate to next level to which the lie cannot be told again and again.
    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #746768
    In many families due to the discipline and fear of the parents the children start hiding things from them and that is the beginning of an unfortunate relationship between them. On the one hand parents feel proud that their children are obeying them and never confronting or conflicting with them and on the other hand children would see that none of their mistakes or errors get exposed to the parents. This is in fact a very ambiguous situations where there is no transparency between the two parties. Children will go on hiding things even the serious ones and parents would be living in a world of false impression.
    The ideal situation would be to have a complete transparent system where the children take guidance of their parents in a friendly manner whenever they do some mistakes or errors. That would definitely be a correct way of living a happy life.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #746794
    In those days, that is to say, before 1960's the children were not talking to their parents especially with father with a fear that he was the head of the family. In some families only the father and mother jovially talking with their children. In our family our father and grand father was just a friend more than a father. He was till his last breath very jovial and freely talking to all of us more over we were in joint family system, he was very likable person to all of us.
    The movement to parents from the children side is not due to fear or respect but the lapse from the parents side. I have seen one family near to my house, the couple has only one son,eleven years old. His father never called him to speak or took him outside and left everything to his mother only. Mother also showed very busy all times and if the boy asks anything to the mother she showed her annoyance over him. Because of this reason he used to play in the streets only with or without any other boys. This is very pathetic to see.
    The main reason for this is the parents as they are not freely talking the children. If there is elderly people in the house the children would go to them and talk and even communicating their needs to the parents through them only. But to avoid this the parents should spend some time with their children of any age. Recent problems happening to the female children also hidden by them because of this parents-children gap.

  • #746803
    We all asked the girl to tell her parents at least her elder sister. With the insistence of all the girls, she told her parents, initially, they were very angry scolded her a lot for 2-3 hours, but after one day they called her, send her money to buy a new phone and to be careful next time.
    She was crying for a whole day after having a conversation with her parents but now is so relieved that she did not have to lie any further.
    I guess no one can help a child better than parents, even if they seem scary and strict. But there should always be an opening for having a conversation between parents and children.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

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