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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    The woman, mother and mother-in-law

    She is now 55 plus in age. She has seen the world and is a mother of a son and a daughter. She perhaps is in the last generation of mothers, who have more than one child.

    But more glaringly, with some rare exceptions, the same woman has one set of rules concerning her own married daughter and her married son. She would want her son-in-law to treat her daughter with kid gloves and also be so kind to her at all times. She would expect the man to literally obey whatever her daughter would tell him., All the more so, if the daughter is qualified and well employed.

    Now, as the mother-in-law, she does things that are just the opposite. She would give enough trouble to her daughter-in-law and also create any number of obstacles in terms of making her uncomfortable. She would not even allow her to talk freely to her son and would even demand that the son shares all his salary details with his parents. The mother would also try to have a big say on expenses.

    This double-game goes on in our Indian society. Though the times have changed, the attitudes of the old women have not changed much.
  • #749069
    Yes, it has been going in Indian society for so long because of the lack of awareness and that is what women have faced themselves too and inculcated as well. Here she is at the fault of not being able to break the chain of suffering and torment which she suffered instead to pass it on.
    This is why the saying goes women often act as an enemy of another woman. But nowadays scenarios are changing when a woman wants another woman to progress and does not see her the way her mother in law saw her as an object of slavery. The biggest perpetrators of the patriarchal value system are often woman who does things unknowingly and only the right kind of education can break this wrong set of values in them.
    To treat daughter and daughter in law the same this woman needs a rational sense which comes with education otherwise they keep repeating the same chain of events that their mothers in law put them through and expects their daughter in laws to be moulded into same moulds as they once were. But today any educated woman will not be ready to accept that kind of unquestioned obedience.
    This is the generational and educational problem and one of the solutions to this is if a daughter tries to make her mother understand that her daughter in law should be given the same amount of respect and value.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #749074
    The relation between a mother and her daughter are friendly and they are hand in glove in all their activities against anyone or against the common enemy. If the daughter wants to take rest mother will never mind to do some extra household work to get her daughter relieved from it. When the daughter is married the mother will extend same warmth to the son-in-law and treat him like his own son and give her so much comfort and calm that the innocent and gullible boy would forget his own parents and start respecting and even worshipping his mother in law. This is not the story generated by my conjuring mind but is a hard fact of our lives today.
    Same good mother will have different behaviour for the daughter in law. Daughter in law will be a threat to her. She has taken the boy from her. Now the boy is giving all love to that girl who is coming from another family and within a few days she has become more important than the mother. How can the mother tolerate it? Moreover the daughter in law is not performing as per the wishes of the mother. She is slow in work. Does not know how to make thousands dishes.
    So same mother is having two different attitudes. One for her own daughter and one for the girl coming from outside who has hypnotised her son and taken away him from her.
    I do not feel that any improvement is going to take place in those well established and long formed traits in human beings.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #749078
    For a woman, her daughter is different and daughter in law is different, this is what we have been seeing since ages and there is no change in the policy and perceptions of the same. When her daughter wants to come and live with the mother, it is the break of life and she would even invite the son in law to be sure. When the daughter in wants to visit her mother's place, that is not allowed citing reasons that the house would be full of relatives and her presence needed. We have gone through this hell lot of challenges and ultimately forced out of the house and everything got changed. I do not want my wife to be questioned for silly reasons and whatever it is I am here to address their wants and concerns and this way I pacified my parents and started living separately but never left them in the lurch when they wanted me.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #749082
    The old ladies are a very practical having two sets of rules - one for her daughter and other for her daughter in law. The fact is that there is a wide variance of the human characters and so the same might not be applicable to the entire ladies in Indian Society. Some have same set of rules showing their warmth and affection uniformly to all her relations. They would not like to make any discrimination in terms of their behaviours since they were brought up in a congenial environment where they were taught to have uniform behaviours in all the cases.
    However, there are some might be exceptions in their dealings, who could change their temperaments depending upon the situation. Their daughters are their own bloods and hence they would not look into their demerits but their daughter- in - laws are not reliable since they hail from some other families. Hence they have no right for the same set of warmth and affection. This set of old convention is not likely to change so early in our society.

  • #749092
    The author is right. But all the ladies are not like that. I know ladies who treat their daughter in law also like her daughter. But there are some who behave differently. At the same time, there are daughters in law who treat their mother in law differently. The husbands will always be behind their wives only. I have seen such daughters in law and their husbands also, The same daughter on the law will make a phone call asks her mother about her well being but never ask the mother in law about her health. I have seen some gents who will suffer a lot to convince both of them and make them understand each other.
    In my village, there was a lady who used to prepare food and send it to her daughter who was staying in the same village with her husband. But she never allowed her daughter in law even to taste that food. That is the beauty. Why they behave like that is very puzzling and who will be responsible for such behaviour of these ladies.

    always confident

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