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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Why in-laws relationship are always viewed suspiciously

    I am not making a general statement, but often, people always blame in-laws for any fault. After marriage, most of the girls and their families never have faith in their in-laws. More or less, the case is similar with the grooms too. This relationship generally comes under suspicion. The daughter-in-law never wants to share her feelings with her in-laws and mostly prefer to lay back on her parents in case of any problems. The boy might not reveal the problems to his parents even. Why do you think this gap is there and how does it affect relationships? I don't think it is a positive sign. Please share your serious views on the topic.

    {Note to the author- Edited}
  • #749767
    This is a very old topic but it is so interesting that it can be discussed umpteen number of times and every time it is as interesting as it was on some earlier instance.
    A girl comes from some background and some family to entirely new family and new background prevailing in the house of the husband. She is a big threat apparently to the mother-in-law who always feels that this outsider girl has snatched her son and instead of obeying the mother he is now obeying rather worshipping his wife. How can the mother-in-law tolerate it? That young girl so much less experienced wants to become the cynosure of this family. It will never be allowed.
    On the other hand the girl feels that she was so comfortable with her mother in that house and her mother never expected any work from her and praised her if she did even a small thing in the kitchen but here so much is being expected from her that it is not possible to continue here and would tell her husband to arrange a separate house.
    Both of them are right in their own perspective but both are wrong if we see it from a 'living amicably and coexisting' angle. The basic problem is that mother-in-law cannot treat the daughter-in-law like her daughter and at the same time the daughter-in-law cannot treat her mother-in-law like her own mother and this is where all the hell breaks loose.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #749768
    The girl who was brought up in a different atmosphere has to come overnight into a new atmosphere. She will be very much worried and she will be very cautious. In the olden days, once the girl comes to the boy's house, the contact with her parents is very less and she has to use her own brain or discuss with her husband unknown issues and new issues. But these days there are mobiles and this girl can contact her mother and ask her doubts. Her mother may not know the correct situation at the other end and gives suggestions based on her experience and sometimes that may create a rift between the wife and husband also. I feel this is the main reason for the problem. Nobody is 100% perfect. There may be problems on both sides. So understanding and adjustment are very important. Here the mother in law should be more generous and kind towards the daughter and see that the girl will get confidence in her mother in law. The girl also should start believing the mother in law and slowly should reduce depending more on her mother.
    drrao
    always confident

  • #749775
    It is quite difficult and challenging for a girl to leave the family in which she has spent almost half her life, and immediately adopt it completely by becoming a part of another family. At the same time same situation was faced by the in-laws also. However, girls often adopt in-laws soon and once they have children like their own family, it becomes their responsibility and first priority. But in front of whom a person has been able to open thoughts, it becomes a different matter of concern because for this it is necessary that how is your bond with it, not what is the relationship. Many times parents, in-laws, even life partners are not able to talk openly and do the same thing to their friends or maybe their children. So the sharing of thoughts or not is made by mutual understanding, not by relationships.

  • #749782
    In one of the marriage, there was a get together on the eve of marriage where in both sides were introduced and had wonderful exchange of pleasantries, and as a result the next day marriage was so friendly without any problems or complaint. There after the relations between the new bride, bridegroom and the entire in-laws family were like friends, and everything is going on well even today. So what I mean to say that when we understand the opposite people well. there cannot be any doubts and there cannot be selective behavior as seen with other in -laws. In this family the get together happens often and both sides would mingle and clarify their doubts and even complaints taken care-of and thus a good way of living in in-laws house has been created, thanks to the efforts of elders belonging to both sides and they are happy.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #749787
    Many people have got duality in their nature. They have different standards for different situations. For example some people don't want to give dowry to their daughters and say that it is a bad thing in the society but when they get their sons married they ask all sort of dowry. These are the people who create problem for the daughter-in-law after the marriage. Treating ones daughter and daughter-in-law in different ways is itself a sign of duality.
    Imagine what would have happened if instead of the girl going to the boy's house boys start going to the girls house and stay there for rest of their lives. Then what would had been the behaviour of mother-in-law with the son-in-law? Would she treat him like his own son or make him a servant?
    Sometimes many human beings cannot tolerate the other person and that attitude is also causing a lot of problems when a new person comes in the house.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #749801
    I agree with Swathi Sharma. A proper understanding and adjustment will make the couple make for each other. An in-law should see his/ her married son as the husband of their daughter in law or see his/ her daughter as the wife of their son in law. That will beings a complete change in the mindset. When people start developing the above thinking, there will not be any difference between the mother's place and mother in law's place. The role of mother in law and father in law will have a significant impact. The parents should understand that they only brought a new person into the life of their son/ daughter. So they should give more liberty to them and see they both will understand each other. Instead of that if the parents of the boy start complaining about their daughter in law to the son and the wife starts complaining to the husband, this boy will become a sandwich between the two. His life will become horrible.
    drrao
    always confident

  • #749826
    There is no denying that very often we blame in laws for something or the other spoiling the relationship of cordiality. This would impact the family environment where the bride would take note of the development of the relationship of the two families. If her mother, father or any close relationship is criticised, she would definitely not be in good health mentally and in such a situation, this will affect the peace of the entire family. We get nothing out of criticism but we invite strain spoiling the smooth relationship. The best way is to show maturity and should understand the inconvenience of daughter in law and should come to resolve her issues. If issues are resolved in that way, may be daughter in law will regain her confidence and she can even flash a positive massage to her parents. Such attempts will flourish the way of sustainable relationships.

  • #749852
    Parents can only feel the pleasure or pain of their children so be it a married man or woman depends more on them rather than the in laws. However,many of the mother-in-laws keep a distance from their daughter in laws and do not help her to adjust with other family members and this creates a drift futher. Although it might sound a little rude,I fell that the mother-in-laws of many families are bossy and do not try to understand the plight of the girl who had willingly left her family and shifted with her bag and baggage to a new environment.


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