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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Old age and need of people around

    I have a relative who is very old and frail she keeps saying every day that she will die today and calls everyone around and the next day everything gets normal.
    And it has been almost five years and this process is going on. She is too weak to do anything on her own. Even if she could do things she needs people around. And no one really is ready to sit with her all day long, her grandchildren are busy in schools, her sons are doing jobs and her daughters-in-law have to do a lot of household work. They do care for her and sit with her but it is not humanly possible to stay with her along. Two years ago she was still in good shape till her husband was alive but now she has turned into this person that people don't believe. It is not in her hands to die by her own neither she can stay silent the whole day long. Once she has everything in her hands now she sits alone in her big room with a Queen size bad and a few religious books. Old age plays such tricks on the person it can make a respectable person as such in need of attention. She has this immense amount of knowledge about scriptures and old times but no one to share with. What should one do with such elderly people? Every time I see her innocent face I feel bad for her and whenever I visit her I try to sit with her for some moment. Do you also know any such elderly person? What should one do at such a stage of life? At the age of 80 and above when you don't need a partner in life but just anyone to sit with you, to talk to you, to listen to you. Her loneliness is keeping her more and more disturbed.
  • #749927
    I feel sorry for that old lady who feels she has been discarded and wants the presence of those who are near and dear to her. Old aged people wants to have inclusive family presence, they feel like spending more time with the grand children, they want to nurture some beautiful traits to them and even tell stories. But bed ridden old people are no more approached these days, and they are being attended by the hired nurse to whom the old people cannot share the personal bonds. Just be with her, for few hours when ever time permits, and they would feel very happy that someone is there to care her. At 80. the life is very taxing with none to speak, none to exchange the pleasantries,and remember these are those people who were in joint family system and having gala time with many people and children at home.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #749936
    That is true. Many old people who lost their partner in their life will feel lonely in their oldage and want always people to be around them. They feel lonely and feel that people around them are neglecting them. Their sons and daughters will be taking care of them properly. But they will have to manage their lives and they have to work. So for them sitting all the time is not possible. Here only the importance of a life partner will be known. In old age, definitely wife and husband will be supporting each other and will have good cooperation.
    Earlier days parents used to have more children and at least one of them used to stay with them. But now the couples are having only one or two children and a majority of the time they will be away and only wife and husband has to stay together. It will become very difficult in the coming days I feel.

    always confident

  • #749946
    This is the plight of many people when they reach their old age. It is pathetic and miserable but is the true fact of our lives that when old age engulfs us we become helpless and alone. No one will have time to spare for us. Even if somone gives company It would be for a few minutes. The main problem is the bad health in the old age and when health is bad nothing can be done except taking medicines and lying on a bed. Those who are well to do and can afford servant generally keep a full time maid or nurse for such people who can take care of the old person to some good extent. Everyone cannot afford such an expenditure having nurses round the clock. There are a large number of old people who are not having good health at their terminal stage and suffering day and night just lying down and counting their days.
    There is no solution to such problems because even in old age home good and caring services are not available. Children are not free and even if they are free they would not be doing that type of care and nursing. It is only the suffering that we have to go through at that last phase of our lives.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #749955
    Old age is very painful indeed. And pain is extreme when one partner passes away. It is true that family members face a tough time tackling those people as ther body and mind are fragile and must be handled with care. Just imagine a person who was once brisk,revered by the kith and kin suddenly gets confined to bed due to old age. The more the person is alone,the more he or she needs someone to interact with. But the face paced life of today does not permit it.
    My aunt who is 88 years old has had a stroke and has been in bed and is taken out on wheel chair to watch Tv and have meals. She refuses to have a nurse and turns paranoid if anyone other than her son or daughter in law even touches her. She was entirely a different person before the tragedy struck her. One must be patience personified while handling them as they become a little child who throws a tantrum when stopped from playing in the rain.

  • #749960
    Old age is really painful especially there is no one to listen to one's feelings. This becomes more pronounced when either of the partner is missing due to the sudden death. With the advancement of age, younger people remain least interested for the old people suffering from health issues other than the close relatives. Even the closed ones have their own engagements and as such for the elderly citizens life becomes more stressful if they cannot engage themselves with some hobbies keeping them occupied. If they are taken care of their own, they are really lucky enough to have got such caring relatives around him.

  • #749963
    I read most of the responses do sympathise with the condition of old people in such situations as we all do. But often some people blame younger people even though younger people do find out time for elderly people but at this stage, these elder people don't get satisfied with few hours. In the case, I mentioned the old lady has a very big joint family and everyone is very dedicated to her. They keep visiting her the whole day long someone is there but not all day and this is the problem. Even the caregiver lady comes for a few hours. And whenever the old lady finds herself alone she began to sob and cry it is a difficult situation for both her and her family. Her whole family loves her but now both the lady and her family are suffering and this thing has been going on for 5 years.
    At such a juncture of life, what can the family do as well? As the caregivers also often get irritated by the constant nagging, sobbing, crying and blaming. It is not some disease that anyone can cure but the old age and pain associated with it. Seeing her condition we all think how much difficult it is to live a longer life if one is not healthy enough.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #749979
    My point of reference is very simple. When the old lady is in the last stage of her life, one should not deny anything pending wishes she expresses now and then. And coming to the point of younger ones helping the elders, it is must and should. Though the time is the constraint the same can be explained to her in a more convincing manner. Elders know the reality and understand the situation and what they need is the interaction now and then and that need to be taken care of. Loneliness kills the people from inside and those who are habituated with big family gatherings in the past cannot digest the fact that they have to live alone. If the old lady has any sister or cousin sister, she could be called and asked to stay as the companion so that they would exchange the pleasantries all through the day. Try this.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

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