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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    We are teaching our daughters to be strong, but are we teaching our son to live with strong woman?

    Anything which wants to move towards progress towards development has to change itself in order to be better. Be it a person or be it a society. And in the process, we moved towards woman empowerment. From the banning of Sati, widow remarriage, age of consent and today when women are moving ahead in every field. Women empowerment has become a word familiar to all.
    Today parents don't differentiate between son and daughter and in many cases continuously nudge their daughters to pursue higher studies and their dreams. In such a society of powerful strong women, women are raised equal to sons.
    Are we teaching our sons as well how to live with such women?
    Are we teaching our son how to respect daughters of the other man?
    Sons grew up in brown households under their mother's protection, mothers treated by their fathers as second class citizens. Sons expecting their wives to be like their mothers as well. Sons who wish to be pampered by their wives in a similar manner as their mother and not as equal partners.
    Shouldn't we make these sons aware of their responsibilities as well? Shouldn't these sons learn how to live with an assertive strong woman?
  • #750187
    Good thread from the author and this need to be discussed. Surely there is no tutorial taught for the sons on how to live with strong women. Because a mother does not like dominating wife for her son. The daughters of other home need to be respected, and no mother ever thought of it. Sons are basically a pampered lot under the direct supervision of mother, as she always felt a stronger women would hijack the thoughts of her son. Wife cannot adjust with the thoughts of husband and his mother and for that formidable time need to be given for adjustments. Husband need to understand that it was he who got married and he has to ensure peace and love for the wife and that should be always. If the sons deviate to the wife side relations, the mother would feel uncomfortable and thus balancing act need to be done.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #750205
    No necessity of teaching the sons how to live with strong women. After marriage definitely his wife will teach him how to live with her and what he has to do if he wants her to be good to him. These days we see many young boys whose behaviour will change completely. They dance to the tunes of their wives.
    These days mothers are teaching their daughters how to manage their husbands and how to bring down the importance of in-laws.
    It is good that society is changing and they start respecting women also. Today women are excelling in all the fields. Parents are giving equal opportunities to their daughters also to do well in education and study whatever they want and encouraging them to do jobs also.
    The important thing one should teach these days either to their daughter or son is how to adjust and accommodate others in their lives. Once we teach them these two qualities all couples will be good and they will have smooth married life.

    always confident

  • #750208
    India has been dominated by men for decades after decades and I feel it is still there in some families wherein wives are treated as inferior human beings by their bossy husbands. Admittedly,as mentioned by the author the mothers of such sons are the culprits. Just because they are sons,some mothers raise them up by continuously telling them that they are inferior and should not do any household chores as it is the domain of the women. Therefore,a man who is brought up in such a manner,will never help his wife at home even though the wife also is employed. Giving respect to women can not be taught but the parents should set up an example by showing compassion and respect to women before their little sons so that he will learn the values right from a young age.

  • #750211
    Children raised in a family where women are treated badly will find it hard to respect women. Women pursuing higher studies and having high aspirations are no different than housewives. They all are human beings only and should be equally respected. We concentrate more on studies but children do not learn how to behave properly in different situations. This is something they learn by watching their parents. In some places, women are considered inferior to men and there both women and men have a role. In such places, if women continue to live in a pitiable state as if they are the slaves of men then either they need to raise their voices together or need external help. Everyone is different and one must accept this. Many times one learns through realization and in any relationship there will be some differences. Everything should not be taught by the parents, some things must be realized by the individuals and acted upon accordingly. The more interfering is the parents the more trouble for the relationship.

    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"

  • #750213
    Dr N.V.Srinivasa Rao why not sons need to be taught, as girls are taught from very childhood how they should eat, live, do work and behave. As one day they have to live in their in-law's house. What will her in-laws say, she is told this since the day she begins to understand words and language. It is so common that you definitely have noticed that. But how many times have you seen a man being taught anything about how he will have to accommodate or change his life once a girl comes in her life? How many times have you seen a mother or father teaching a son regarding his future in laws and how he should behave with them. Why do you wait for his wife to come and teach him? She is his life partner, not a parent. Why do you expect her to perform motherly duty?
    This is the problem with our society we don't really see. We expect the daughter in laws to do some magic and transform a man who has been raised in a certain environment, and if she did transform her then we have a problem that he only listens to her wife.
    Why don't we instil those values in sons beforehand the way we do with our daughters?

    No matter how much education or opportunity a girl is given she will still be reminded throughout that ultimately she is a "paraya than- someone else's property which she is not, no one is her owner.
    Don't you see these contradiction in your line of thinking?

    I agree with you Niharika parents can lead by example man grown in an environment where they see their mothers respecting their mothers and helping they are generally good to their wife as well, but when they see a dominating father figure and a docile mother this is what they expect in their own marriage as well.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #750226
    Generally parents will be telling many things to their sons as well as daughters that after the marriage those will be the problems and changes coming in their lives and they should be prepared to tackle with them. While doing so parents will sometimes tell them certain things to take care and the children generally note down those things carefully. The boys are remaining in their own houses and the girls have to leave their houses and start living in other house that is the house of the husband so it is imperative that girls are to be taught and explained many things before joining that new house. From this angle boys are having much advantages as they are living in the same place with same comforts.
    Generally the mother of the boy will tell him many things to take care after the marriage but in practice what happens is that when the wife comes the sun is pressurized from both the sides and it is not possible for him to follow the preachings of the mother always and he starts taking his own decisions in consultation with his wife which is not a very abnormal thing.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #750229
    A very unique thread has been brought by the author for which she should be appreciated. This is true that time is changing day by day and now families teach their girl child to live strongly and a brave life as in some point of their mind it has a believed that girl should be more strong to be safe in this world. But fewer parents think about giving learning to their son, especially related to the behavior with girls. Both girls and boys should learn how to live their life in a brave manner at the same time how to respect others too.

  • #750251
    A wife can never perform the duty of a mother. Expecting that is also not correct. We have to teach our children morals and ethics and how to live without leaving the path of ethics and morals. The remaining will automatically come. There is no necessity for spoon-feeding. Sometimes this spoon-feeding is only causing problems. The daughter after marriage also depends on her mother and asks for her suggestions even when she is with her husband and that may lead to unnecessary complications.
    Either a boy or a girl we should teach them the same. Once they understand that, we need not worry about their lives and they can manage on their way. These days many children after marriage are living separately and not living with their parents.
    I and my two married sons all live together and we are a happy family. No problem between myself, my wife. my sons and my daughters in law.

    always confident

  • #750266
    The author seemed to have misread the idea of asking the daughters to be strong. Years together, ours is a male dominated society and there are boundaries limited to girls in the family to some extant due to various factors. No parent would be silent if the daughter comes late in the night while the late coming of the son is excused to some extant. Here also, it is not because doubting the daughter but the society around is watching us and the atmosphere outside is not that much congenial. Still there are incidents occurring in many parts of the country even strict laws like 'Disha' are enforced.

    I do agree with your view that some change is needed in the parents too while bringing up their sons. They should train them to handle the things while living independently, helping the spouse after marriage so that there would be better understanding between the two and to learn to bridge the gap wherever needed.


  • #750269
    Present day holds men and women well educated, working in many fields and having full rights with or without the intervention of parents. But the smooth movement between them requires a good understanding. Mere teaching or training cannot yield a good result rather than the proper understanding between them. As both of them educated well and employed well they should understand the other side well, realize the need of hour and if they act accordingly the family life will go very smoothly. The chaos in many families arises due to the misunderstanding of lack of understanding themselves. In many houses there are male as well female chauvinism and in some houses in spite of proper understanding of the motto of married life some houses overcome the chaos but the improper understanding or adjusting type in either side leads to divorce/separation etc., In many houses I have seen male persons are cooking, doing house hold works when the wife is busy or have no time to do. In some houses I have seen they adjust themselves by buying food from outside. The way of telling other to do the work is the major reason for this difference.
    Though my wife was not working in any office after our marriage (well educated, working in a company before marriage), she was very busy herself with her tailoring work, sloga classes etc., she used to ask me to do some work in the house including cooking, even my father was doing house hold work and went to buy tailoring materials for her. I or my father used to wait in outside for her whenever she came late from her sloga classes. On no event she annoyed herself for any problem.
    Everything is in our hand only but not on training.

  • #750273
    Here we need to define how strong the parents should make their daughters. If it means aggressiveness , adamant in nature, not hearing the other party, putting explanations for the lapses then all the parameters ultimately reflect the weakest point of the girl and even adopting all these traits, she would not be defined as a smart lady. Might be she is putting severe stress to all her relatives including her husbands and their in laws. If being strong means humbleness, politeness, an ability to analyse the situation and sorting out family issues mutually taking the confidence of the husband and securing the blessings of in-laws, home would be the ideal place to live in . Reverse of this trend might spoil the family growth and would definitely impede peace and prosperity. Here the independence of the married girls need to be defined in a separate dimension. It will vary from ladies to ladies. A gynaecologist coming late night from the hospital is not questionable from the society angle but certainly she would be explanatory for coming late at night with the drunken state.

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