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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Harmonious marriages: does the old have nothing to offer, even now?

    Those who are now in their sixties and seventies are perhaps the last generation of parents who had gone through the very tough times. The nineties, applicable to those who are now in their fifties or even lesser in age, had technological advancements and quality of life that was far better.

    There is always a mounting criticism that the good old days were actually ones where the woman was made to totally surrender to the whims and fancies of husbands. The so-called harmony that existed in such marriages was based on compromise, and not on understanding. So goes the argument.

    Unfortunately, this argument does not hold water. A lady who is now in her early fifties and employed in banks or LIC or some formal organization, would still have the good deal of freedom and would be able to reason out with her husband and children. She would still have one parent or both, who would still be around to offer the best lessons on tolerance, mutual respect for each other, the caring and sharing, and patience, among such good values.

    So, it is the young, particularly in cases where the life partners are both employed, need to learn from their parents, now in their late fifties or early sixties. They would have to understand that life is far more than merely making money. It is based on values and respect for others and their thoughts and ideas.

    The increasing divorce rates only points to the fact that tolerance is now on the wane and a sort of assertiveness that leads to "me, my life and only my life on my terms" kind of thought patterns of both life partners that is the root cause of the problem. Listening to elders can positively help and a fabulous amount of patience is also needed.

    Who is to bell the cat?
  • #752999
    The marriage system is completely dependent on understanding and adjusting the nature of the partners. This adjustment should not be always from one gender only. Sometimes wife should adjust and sometimes the husband should adjust. That mutual understanding is the key to the success of married life.
    I always believe in this philosophy and we, I and my wife practice the same. But these days the understanding and adjustment qualities are coming down. A lady was telling that she likes her mother because she gave birth to her and she likes her son as she has given birth to him. But she never mentions her liking for her father or husband. In such situations, only problems will crop up.
    Another thing is that both can go for earnings but at the same time both should take an active part in domestic works and in taking care of children.

    always confident

  • #753000
    Our marriage was held with parents inquiring about the bride side and they doing the what abouts of me through the known sources and when they get convinced the elders would decide the date and time for seeing the bride by the groom. That is the process of getting into marriage and we are not even allowed to talk because everything has been taken care off and thus we believed the parents fully. But these days the boy and the girl behave for few days, they need to understand each other, if liked, they would give green signal or part ways. However these kind of arrangements are not allowed in many families and thus elopement is the only way and that ends up with love marriage and then parting ways as there is no parental approval for anything. The increasing divorce cases are the fall out of new generation and olden people never compromised their better half.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #753058
    In olden times the women had little choice and could never dare to think of divorce from their sides. Men had full control of the situation and if required they would desert the women. Today the things have drastically changed and especially the working women have understood their place and rights in the household and if someone tries to rule them in the old fashion they would retaliate and give a lesson to the husband. So we have entered in an era where we are heading for a total equality between the genders and it requires that man or woman both have to understand their limit in the relationship and instead of dominating or ruling the other partner come to a fully compromised and negotiated situation from both the sides. That of course would come from mutual respect, love, and sacrifice and not from whims and fancies. In western societies this has been achieved to quite a degree and we are also following suit but the irony of all this is that the number of divorce cases are increasing worldwide because the adjustment power has nosedived miserably everywhere.
    Knowledge is power.

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