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  • Category: Creative Writing

    A tour that will be remembered forever (Part 2)

    Krishna is happy and very active. He started packing the clothes and other needs for him for the tour. His parents, Prasad and Lakshmi, also started preparing for the tour. But Krishna's sister, Anitha, is not very active and feels weak. So, she asked Krishna to help her by packing her clothes also.

    All the things are set and the taxi came to pick them up and drop them at the railway station. The tour started. They reached the railway station and Krishan is very happy as he is travelling by train for the first time. He is eagerly waiting for the train to come.

    The train came on time and they got on the train. On the train, in the same reserved coupe another couple, Mohan and Surya, are there and they are also going to Tirupathi. The two families started talking with each other. Mohan is very happy by seeing the enthusiasm of Krishna. Meanwhile, Anitha started feeling inconvenient and she had a fever again. Lakshmi is very worried. Prasad gave his daughter medicine brought with him as per the suggestion of his doctor

    All this is observed by Mohan and Surya. Mohan asked prasad what is the issue. Prasad told the whole story and showed the medicine he has given. Mohan said that he is a doctor. He opened his box and took out the stethoscope and examined Anitha and gave her medicines. He said that nothing to worry about and assured them that by the time they land in Tirupathi, she will be alright. Prasad is now very much relieved as a doctor will be with them during the train journey.

    Surya is a very religious lady and has a belief in God. She looked at the girl and told Lakshmi that the hair of the girl is very nice and asked her to pray to God to see that her temperature will come down and also asked her to get the girl tonsured in Tirumala. Accordingly, Lakshmi prayed and offered to tonsure her daughter if the fever comes down by the time, they reach Tirupathi. Slowly the girl went to sleep and by early morning she has become normal. Prasad thanked Mohan for his help. Lakshmi thanked Surya for her advice and thanked God also for the timely help. Their pilgrimage went off very well.

    This is the sequel to my story
    A tour that will be remembered forever
    and entry to the sequel writing chance
    Flash Fiction creative writing - re-opening the sequels
  • #760781
    I like this story of old-fashioned pilgrimage. In earlier days, people became friendly with fellow-passengers during long train-journey. In case of illness of anyone, other passengers used to help. In this story, such help came from a fellow-passenger who is a doctor. The story has a feel-good factor.
    (a) Those who have forgotten Noakhali, how can they protest Sandeshkhali?
    (b) Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it. ---------- Salvador Dali

  • #760797
    After reading the first part of the story from the author, I was expecting a different ending. However, this is how writers play with our minds. Sometimes the story does not end as we expect. A nice story that connects well with 1st part. The story reminds our experience in traveling when we use to have good fellow people traveling with us and we used to have a good conversations throughout our journey. In this case, Krishna's family was lucky that their co-passenger was a doctor. Thanks to doctor Mohan, and because of his care and medicines, Krishna's sister could become well on time, and the tour was successful.
    Would like to remind the author that in the first part of the story, Krishna's sister's name was Anita but in the second part it changed to Subha. He can correct it if he feels.

  • #760802
    Thank you Jeets. I thank you for your observation and accordingly I corrected the name of Krishna's sister in this story. I regret the inconvenience caused.
    drrao
    always confident


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