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  • Category: Miscellaneous
    Points:5

    How to deal with such friends?

    We all have some friends. Having friends is not only good for company but we can get help also from our friends from time to time. Good friends are like a treasure and their company is joy for ever.
    But all the friends are not like that. There are some who expect too much from others and always ask for favours. On the other hand when we ask their help they would make some excuse. It is not a healthy thing as it is one sided relationship.
    Have you got any experience with the friends who always ask for some help but do not reciprocate? How to deal with such friends? Please share your views.
  • #779419

    Points:5
    Friendship should not expect any help from the other side. If both the persons involved have no expectations the relation will continue. Otherwise, the relationship will not continue. Even in the case of siblings and other close relations also when there are no expectations, the relationship will be good. But the moment we expect something and our expectations are not fulfilled the relationships will get strained.
    As far as I am concerned, I have no such friends who ditched me after getting benefitted from me. At the same time, I have also not ditched any friend who helped me without my asking when I was in need. So I have no such experience. Some friends will be selfish and may forget you when they are in a good position. But again they may remember you when they are in need. So one should be choosy about their friends. A friend in need is a friend indeed. We all know this proverb and one should stand by it and we should be helpful to our friends when they are struggling and looking for help.
    drrao
    always confident

  • #779421

    Points:4
    Friendship is a permanent union between two partners and is sustainable if both partners are aware of limitations. The partners must have the open -minded souls and they should discuss the issues with an open mind. They must take care of their partners at every stage. There should not be any scope of mistrust and even if the same develops, they will not go to someone else for redressal but they would resolve the same within themselves.
    In case, they notice some shortcomings of their friends, they need to tell their friends in a cordial way to resolve the same. The manner in how it is being projected is important. Politeness at all stages is essential to strengthen the relationship.

  • #779434

    Points:4
    Friends who are always asking for favours and not reciprocating are not the real friends. They are simply the selfish people and exploiting the relationship. It is obvious that we should be cautious with these people because they have got ulterior motives behind the screen of apparent friendship.
    It is said that we should choose genuine and reliable friends and should not become friendly with others just like that.
    During student life, generally friends are good because children have not learned clever things of deceiving or cheating others but when they grow up some of them become clever enough to take advantage of others and this is the category that one has to be careful with.
    Choosing good friends is a crucial matter and one should be particular about it.
    Knowledge is power.

  • #779436

    Points:5
    Yes, I have such experiences, and even now experiencing.
    Way back in 1980 when I had to go to Chennai for attending the induction training for my job, I met a family as directed by relatives in case any help is needed. As I was going to Chennai for the firs time they took this precaution. But I did not need their help as my employer had arranged for my stay and other needs. But still for courtesy, I met the family and visited them once or twice on holidays.
    The younger son in the family appeared to be different. One day he met me near my training place and in the guise of forgetting his purse and some need he took some money from me in private. I did not make it an issue even when he did not return it. Another in front of his parents he said that he told me about his birthday and I promised a gift to him. Needless to say, I had to buy him a birthday Gift- gift card then.

    I usually keep low profile and do not announce or publicize my birthday, wedding day etc. As I am not active in social media like FB ,that way also people do not come to know my details. But I have a friend who always tom-toms his DOB, wedding day, grand child's birthday, and anything where he can get gift, compliments , greetings and wishes, and even the common 'likes'. Some days before or just the previous day he will say directly or indirectly so as to remind me those days. Naturally for the sake of courtesy and keeping with my habit, I will convey greetings and best wishes or as per the event and context give gifts.
    But till this day, this friend has never ever asked me about my DOB, ,wedding day etc.

    The same friend will ask without hesitation for any help he needs from asking for clearing his doubts on some matters to hospital visit and attending when he or his family member is not well, The irony is that he may not tell others the help given to him but chest beat how he managed things.

  • #779445

    Points:5
    As pointed out by the author there are persons in the guise of friend among us. They simply creates chaos or misunderstanding between the real friends to turn as foes. It is very difficult to find out the similar persons and once we find out such persons we should avoid their attachment immediately.
    A lawyer was appointed in my office as an associate to me for attending court cases. He became a good friend to me also as we both travelled together to the places for guiding him to attend the cases in my absence. This made otherwise in the minds of my another assistant for whom I did many help officially as well personally also. He took advantage of my presence in the office and twisted him otherwise. On my return an employee from MP came to our office. As I am the only Hindi knowing person, I asked the lawyer friend to take up his personal file. Both of us went to the seat of our Director-Personnel. The MP employee who actually sent a lawyer notice against the company. When he came to the cabin he, the MP employee told his apology on his wrong action and came there to offer his resignation letter only. We talked with him and did the needed. But after his departure this lawyer friend shouted at me that I misguided him. We, me and my director puzzled on his shouting and calming down him my director asked why he was doing like that. (Here my director was also a registered lawyer). Then he the associate person told the director that I am behaving parity by caste. Immediately my director replied him that it was wrong concept as he know me for more than a decade. Later only he told that it was told by my another assistant. We called him and advised not to behave like that as we are working for a company's good cause and our private issues should not affect us on anyway.

  • #779461

      

    Points:4
    As mentioned in the thread, the main problem is too many expectations, so it is always better to minimize expectations. The best way to deal with persons having a lot of expectations is to remain aware of their nature and never seek their help as you know they will avoid it. I will not suggest avoiding them completely unless they are harming you in some way but maintaining a distance is better. In such cases, I don't know whether we can call them friends as we always remain in good touch with our friends. When you know that the person is really in need of some help, help her/him according to your capabilities but if seeking help becomes a habit then you need to be cautious.
    Sankalan

    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"


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