IntroductionWhen there is trust in a relationship, it eliminates a large potential for worry. On the other hand, honesty builds an internal security which makes us feel good about relationship as well as about ourselves. Who in the world does not want to have a partner or a mate on whom we can rely on and completely trust, no matter what happens. This kind of relationship creates a buffer between us and all the troubles that exist in our life. Sometimes we love our partner so much that we try to color the truth. Sometimes we vomit it altogether. This kind of attitude of ours is actually weakening the core of our relationship. If we do not realize and stop now then we may ruin our relationship and invite more trouble than it's worth. Both Trust and honesty in a relationship give us comfort. If they are introduced in our lives then they will help relationship to blossom completely as there will be plenty exchange of positive vibrations which we usually require to navigate ups and downs in our life.
Tips for having honest and trustworthy relationship
Who can understand our life partner better than us? Words are solely not important to know how they are feeling. We cannot solely depend on words of our partner. We can even read our partners body language. Our partners might say that they are okay, but they may be feeling sad. If we know to read their body language, their emotions from their eyes, the feelings which they express from smile etc then it becomes easy for us to understand what they are going through. It is good for us as well as for the relationship. Read them by reading their body language, but do not go overboard and read their mind. It is not always a good option to get into someone's head. It is better to ask them how they are feeling rather than deciding for them. Role of mind leader played by us can be a little irritating to them because no one wants to give away their privacy so easily. It can even result in some misunderstandings because all we will do is start making assumptions which is not at all good for our relationship.
Patience is a good inner quality to develop overall and it is especially important if we want our relationships to be beautiful. Game of honesty is not very difficult but it is not that easy too, especially if we are new to it. Sometimes our mate may struggle with the words and may not be able to confront to us very openly or directly. At such points, we need to maintain calm, develop lots of patience and hear them out completely. Expressing is not easy for everyone. We need to keep our patience and support our partner completely when they are trying to do their best. Once we hear them by keeping our calm and patience with complete open minded attitude then it will give them so much of assurance that next time they will be able to confront or have discussions in a more expressive and open way. This is good for us as well as for our relationships.
How many of us know our real self? Before trying to be honest with our partner, we need to learn to become honest with ourselves. We need to know ourselves in a much better way and in a more detailed way than we know right now. We need to develop a relationship with ourselves first and if this relationship flourishes only then we can make a justice to any other relationships we make in the outside world. If we are true to ourselves, we will easily learn to be honest with our partner. We will then stop fabricating lies, practice dishonesty and stop amusing our partner by such dishonesty. We will rarely then try to cover up or conceal our flaws and all those things in a relationship which we are ashamed of or which bothers us a lot. We will learn to become honest and accept who we are as a person, where do we stand and very frankly we will be able to tell our partner what we want in a relationship.
Most of us are dishonest in a relationship as we are scared of hurting our partners. If our intentions are right then an open conversation can never go wrong. They will hear the whole thing out and if required they will make necessary changes for us. If our intentions are not right and we want them to change because their behavior or words bother us or simply irritate us then no matter how many open conversations or arguments we go through, they will never change themselves. Change has to be for good. We should not become selfish and demand the change. If a certain thing is not right for our partner or for our relationship only then it should be changed. Most of the times we try to change all those things which annoy us, but otherwise are perfectly fine in every case. Therefore intentions are very important. If intentions are right then a relationship will flourish in every possible way. If intentions are not right then it cannot last long, no matter how many romantic gestures are shown and efforts are made. Couples even go to counselors to save their relationship or marriage and yet it cannot be saved because their intentions were not to save marriage but change their partner so that their life becomes easy.
What we often do is try to win an argument but relationship is not a contest or battle which has to be won. Our partners are not our opponents. They are our life mates and such kind of competition should be completely discouraged. Winning an argument may seem tempting, but it is not good. First of all there should not be any room for argument. Issues should be discussed and resolved by open conversations. If it our mistake then we need to accept it. We should not let our ego come in between which will prevent us from accepting our mistakes. We cannot always be right and perfect. Sometimes we know that what we just did was wrong but in spite of knowing it in our heart; we still continue our struggle and do not let our foot down. If we want honesty in our relationship then we need to learn to admit our own mistakes so that it gives a scope for truthful conversation. If we start practicing it then our partners too will follow our footsteps and will let their ego down. This way we can save so much our time as well as essential energy from getting drained.
When problem arises turn to partners for help. Until now we were conditioned to take help of our friends and family. It is okay to confide in our partners for the same. They are our life mates and who can help us in a better way than them. They too will like solving our problems and this will build trust and intimacy in relationship. They too will get comfortable with us and start having an open conversation and trust us by sharing their problems with us.
It is okay to be madly in love with the person with whom we are in a relationship with, but still do not forget that he/she is totally a separate person. Both of us are two separate individuals with two sovereign brains. Both of us think differently and this is because our belief systems are different. Since we are saying two different things and it does not mean that one of us is lying. We are looking at same thing from two different perspectives and this kind of thing is okay in a relationship. We need to accept our partners for who they are and in this way we will be able to live honest relationship. In a relationship, if we accept them for who they are then this is honesty and if we want them to be as per our criteria then it is like living a lie. If we are trying to change them by any means then they have to pretend or become fake and it certainly means they will lose their originality and live a dishonest life. How can we dream of honest relationship when we have forced our partner to live a dishonest life?
ConclusionAbove mentioned tips will help couples to develop willingness to become truthful towards each other. It will establish trust factor in a relationship where couples will get more and more comfortable in sharing everything, irrespective of kind of circumstances they are facing or situations they are encountering. Honesty has to be tender as we are trying to have an open conversation with our loved ones. Speaking truth or trying to be honest should not only be adopted as behavior but rather should be made as a way of life. This will help our relationship with our partner to blossom well and we will be able to enjoy a healthy trustworthy relationship with them. To know more such tips go through Tips to build trust and honesty in a relationship: Part-1 which will help couples to build a trustworthy and honest relationship.
This article is the second part of this two-article series. I have come to read this part after reading “Tips to build trust and honesty in a relationship: Part 1". Hence my comments are in effect common to both parts articles.
The article stresses on ‘truth and honesty' as the main factors for a successful relationship. This can be seen from the introductory paragraph in both parts –part 1 and part 2.
However, in the first part introduction, the author says, "Honesty is nothing but disclosing everything that has already taken place or the events which are taking place in the present". Here I have a slight difference of opinion. The past can cast a shadow on the present in many cases. So it is better NOT to make a voluntary confession, in the name of honesty, about one's past if the past is not going to affect the present and the other partner is unaware of such past history. Instead, the partner should take extra care not to repeat the mistakes and errors of the past, but make the present better with mutual trust and honesty in the present relationship.
I feel the author is more practical when she concludes the second part with the lines about how the tips mentioned will help couples to develop a willingness to become truthful towards each other. I concur with her view on this aspect.
Partners have to be honest but they need not be brutally honest which may jeopardise the current relationship. Relationships are to be treated and maintained like glass. They should be clean but to clean it, the force should be gentle and proper and not excessive. Anything more can bruise or break it.