IntroductionA very happy married life depends on a huge number of factors. But the most important variable is the understanding between husband and wife. This can take many forms and it is very essential that we understand all the basic ideas of how this works in practice, in the real world called our life. This article is an attempt in this direction.
Thrash out everything through open talkThrashing out everything through open talk, including any possible love affair of the girl or the boy, before the marriage, either directly with the life partner or through parents on either side, so that any bitterness can be avoided later. These days a lot of transparency exists on either side, particularly when both the boy and the girl are highly educated.
Once the above sensitive part is done with, the next most important things remain. Once married, more so in an arranged marriage, the most common questions will arise about savings, time to have the first ( and possibly only) child, living conditions, dreams about careers on either side,the choices available in difficult situations and so on. This open talk has also to focus on any temporary dip in salary, as these days, nothing can be taken for granted.
In practice, I notice a greater amount of clarity now, than ever before, even when the girl is not employed. In fact, even the mother-in-law is not the TV serial mother-in-law and is prepared to be more understanding and more willing to listen. Of course, listening is a very important skill
Reserve the first year to really enjoyReserving the first year to go to tourist spots, short picnics, and to just "let go" is important. "Let go" days are days when one gets to do whatever he or she likes, there is no cooking at home, and there is only total relaxation. Physical intimacy may be an important part here, but that is not the only thing. Such "let go"days actually help the life partners to understand live even better, from totally new perspectives, in the light of responsibilities, new challenges and so on
Systematically Plan the Savings Systematic planning of all savings should start from day one. Consulting Income tax experts is another superb step in the right direction. It is wise to buy an independent house in a fast developing suburb, than a costly flat in the heart of city as the land will appreciate anyway. Flats depreciate over time. Since the major metros now have the metro trains, the suburb will also develop very fast and commuting will become that much easier. Even if the house is rented, that's fine. You can still gain in the long run. Likewise, it is wise to liquidate all the loans within the first ten years.
Simultaneously, savings through Public Provident Fund is so essential, as such savings can take care of the educational expenses of children
Give and TakeLook around. Our own parents, now in their late fifties or more, can offer us huge lessons. They have learned to give and take. To forgive and forget. To discuss everything and also to save a lot, even if that meant sacrificing many comforts. If this spirit of giving and taking is there, every single marriage will work.
It is very important when the children arrive. With too many distractions and the fast paced urban live, we should still consider alternatives. Wives taking a sabbatical for two years or working from homes is so common indeed. This is another vital aspect of a very happy married life. In some cases, I have seen men doing the baby sitting so happily, after taking leave for as much as two months or even taking a flexible entrepreneurship. Money is money, and so respecting the woman professional is as important as bringing up the child
Caring and SharingThe modern woman, educated or just a matriculate, rural or urban, employed or not, has a mind of her own. She needs to be cared for and to be listened to. And also to be told that she is talented. The old methods will just not work. Only the latest will work.
The old methods of caring and sharing can come from elders, but these need to be combined with the new demands. For instance, many women want to become entrepreneurs. If husbands take an active part in such endeavors and encourage them, such caring will be a strong foundation of a successful married life
Always Ask: What NextTo always ask what next is the most important thing in a married life. There are far too many challenges. For instance, some sort of home care with external help will definitely help old parents to be more happy than spending endless days in hospitals. If they are terminally sick, this is all what we should do. The kind words of encouragement, the caring, will help them navigate all mental troubles. So, this vital question of what next, is extremely important
Be Optimistic and observeBeing optimistic is a huge challenge. Picking up new skills and competencies is vital to this change. For example, IT professionals need additional qualifications in emerging areas like artificial intelligence, or robotics or cloud computing. There is no choice here.
When we remain optimistic, we see new possibilities and new opportunities, when, seemingly none exist. The urge to excel will always help us be ahead in the rat race. We will also do well to observe successful couples. If they are very good friends, we can easily get them to share their experiences, so that the learning can be implemented in our own lives as well. This is another vital aspect of a successful and happy married life
A happy married life is very much required for both husband and wife as they are the two bullocks of the cart called family. If two of them are having a good understanding and if their wavelengths match, they will have a very good married life. But the main criteria is to know each other well. Sometimes the wife may be a little upset, those times the husband should maintain a low profile and see that the wife will be normal. Same way when the husband is a little disturbed, the better half should wait silently to see that her husband will be normal. If these two go in the mentioned way they will never have any unpleasant moments and will have a very good time. A sound will come only when two hands join.
Another point is making the second person also a part in all the matters of the family. Even though the husband may be the wage earner, including the wife in all financial matters and discussing with her about all expenditures and plans for saving will encourage her to cooperate with you. Similarly, even though wife will be attending all household works, if the husband takes part in small activities, the wife will be very happy. If the wife also discusses with the husband about the household activities, he will feel happy that he is also given importance. This will make their married life a happy life.
Good article initiated by the author as I have seen that most of marriages are performed in huff by not ascertaining the real likes between the couple and thus the relations end sour. For the better understanding between two, there must be confidence building measure from the two side. Husband should not make advancement without the consent of wife and she should not be adamant even on small matters. Nothing is possible to settle if the talks are held and the misconception if any is removed altogether. Never ever reveal the past love stories which have failed in your life and that will have lasting effect on the present life partner.
A simple yet relevant article for couples. The present-day world needs logic and explanation for many things in life. Not all marriages are rosy like a chocolate romance movie or a Mills and Boon novel. I had once come across the stages of marriage from readers digest as a forward message.
1. Passion- The phase wherein the couple get to know each other physically.
2. Realisation- Here the couple move from the happy, sweet phase to the phase of reality, the work, the responsibilities of a new home, all start to dawn upon the new husband and wife.
3. Rebellion- This is the tough phase wherein two people are thrown together lose their personal space, independence and freedom and react in the most expected way which is to become angry and fight back.
4. Cooperation- After the initial fights, both sort of compromise for the actual needs of a family, the immediate relatives and friends. Usually, the arrival of the first child makes things easier.
5. Reunion- As a figure of speech, both husband and wife get back together in the real sense and would have understood each other better.
6. Explosion- A seemingly stable marriage is thrown on the rocks by personal or family trauma, a financial commitment, added work etc.
7. Completion- Once the crisis passes off, the couple mends the cracks and strengthen each other's love and need. Here the past experiences come handy when they face new joys and sorrows of the married life. Loss of a loved one, children going off for education, children married off, old age etc.
Here the stages are not rigid, depending on the circumstances, the age and previous experiences, the stages can be prolonged or shortened or even overlapped.
Once you read this and remember how our parents, our elders, our uncles have led and are still staying intact, we realize the importance of maturity, give and take attitude and prioritizing people, relationships and money accordingly. Once the couple understands the complex dynamics and needs in a joint family and their roles and start paying importance to each other, they treat each other as friends and this helps in a long way for the marriage to mature on, like aged wine.