Introduction All eligible bachelors have to go through the hard grind of marriage. This memorable event should not become a nightmare, but one that will bring peace and happiness forever. Marriages can be made to work so successfully. The first twenty four months are so crucial. There are five important things that every single bachelor should do. They are: a) Save a lot of money b) Never compare wives with mothers-in-law c) devote a huge amount of time to your wife d) Go out of town and dine out as often as possible and e) Care for your child wholeheartedly.
Each of the above points have been based on a huge number of experiences. Part of these came up for counseling too. Based on a huge number of experiences (including those of this author), the aforesaid points are sought to be discussed in some detail, in this article.
Save a lot of money If you have sisters to take care of, fine. You would have already saved for them. The crucial twelve months prior to your marriage is important, even if it is a love marriage subsequently arranged formally through your parents. Saving a lot of money for the bare essentials is vital. For instance, no housewife would be happy without a good television, a good sofa set, dining table, at least one good bedroom with a huge double-bed, and at least one computer or a good laptop. These are days when even ordinary graduate unemployed housewives expect all these. If you get any of these from your in-laws, you are gone. She will have this grievance for ever. Do not bother. Take a loan if you must, but get all this in order. And keep at least one hundred thousand rupees for enjoying your first twenty four months.
Never compare wives with mothers-in-laws If you are the only son of your parents, so be it. Never compare your wife and her culinary skills with that of your mother. Never ever. If you do this mistake, take it for granted - you have planted a big grievance in her mind. Tell your mother to also know her limits, if she lives with you. This is absolutely essential. And very crucial.
First impressions are always best impressions. Heap praise for every single effort. More so, as these days wives refer to you tube to learn even the basics. Never utter a single word against her. If she is mature (chances are she is not), reason out with her how it could be better. If you know to cook, that is even more better. Go ahead and share your skills with her. This will simply take you places. On every other single matter, including housekeeping, never ever compare your wife with your mother. If you do this, your wife will hit back immediately. Enough reason for you to feel sorry.
Devote a huge amount of time to your wifeDevoting a huge amount of your time to your wife does not mean mere physical intimacy. That is important. But live is more than that. It means a lot of caring and sharing. It does mean telling her your family culture, getting her know your relatives. If they happen to be in the same city visit them and take your wife along. However, be doubly sure that such relatives will welcome your wife. If you are not sure of this, do not take your wife to their houses at all.
Never ever impose fashions or dress codes on your wife. If she likes to wear only jeans, so be it. Never impose saris, saying that this is your culture. You will be in deep trouble. Allow your wife to express herself. In 2018 we have already entered the era of independent wives. Please understand that the days of sacrifice of your mother are all but over. Today, the commercial interests have taken over. The influence of the media is tremendous. Managing today with yesterday's methods will work no more.
Devote a huge amount of time to your wifeCaring and sharing also means giving her enough scope to experiment. If she wants to do a further course, fine. Get her to do it. Even it is part-time or full time. These are days when every wife expects all this. Even if your marriage was a love marriage, chances are that you would not have even discussed these in minute detail. Allowing your wife to express herself is a crucial second step. And you need to devote a huge amount of your time for this. Never change your job and go to a different location. Never take up a project job. This will put off your wife and chances are that her grievances will simply grow.
Go out of town and dine out as often as possibleGo out of town and dine out as often as possible is a simple step. These are days when visiting at least two hill stations is a must in the first twenty four months. If you are very well employed, take off to Vietnam or Italy or even the USA. The cost is worth it. Almost one hundred percent of wives expect this.
Dining out is not only to save time and give your wife a big break, it is also a good time to care and share. To discuss what needs to be done tomorrow, but also the next week. For example, adjusting your time to allow the plumber to fix a problem. Or the AC mechanic to set right a fault in the air-conditioner. If your wife is also employed and yours is a nuclear family, you have enough on your table. These small things will go a long way in making your wife happy. Please do not impose every such task to her. This will simply put her off. Any task involving outsiders is also a security risk. So, be very careful.
Take her out to the best vegetarian or non-vegetarian restaurants. If your wife does not know how to cook non-vegetarian food, fine. Do not criticize her. Get details of the best restaurant in your friendly neighborhood. And dine out there.
Love and Care for your child wholeheartedlyIf you happen to become a father within twenty-four months, do not feel guilty. These are days of hyper inflation and you have actually done the right thing. You can save right away and your responsibility towards saving will become even better. However, the challenge does not stop here.
In the first twelve months, when the child grows so fast, you should be so patient. Chances are your child might cry the whole night. And a nasty boss who is always bothered only about production would not even care to listen to you. He would breath down your neck. Never ever blame your child. Be very patient and share all the ordeals with your wife. Remember, your mother would have nursed even six children with all her heart and her passion. Your father would have seen all this. Take all the advise of all your elders to keep your child healthy and fit. For example, no matter how urgent the problem is, it is not at all advisable to take your four month old child for a travel of even six hours by car. Be put in your place and take care.
Never ever demand that your wife should do all the caring. This is even more disastrous than any of your mistakes.
If you have done all the above or at least most of the above in some sort of approximation or the other, you would have succeeded to a large extent in getting on course to a good married life.
Always remember the first crucial 24 months are important. Do all the above very seriously. Any let up will create problems of a very tall order. You cannot regret later. All the best!
An excellent article advising the prospective bachelors about marriage and managing the situation after that.
In any marriage, the crucial part is that the girl leaves the house of her parents and joins the bridegroom's family. Now the most important thing is the treatment that she gets in the new place. She also may have some expectations regarding her new home.
The main problem comes when the members of the family start finding deficiencies and mistakes in her work and behaviour. They start an unending comparison with her in every small action and take the differences in the negative side. Finally, the bride gets disgusted, discouraged and totally fed up with this new scenario which unfortunately is at 180 degrees opposite to what she had in her parental house.
Very few families accept the girl as their daughter and understand that she is of tender age and requires the same treatment as their own daughter.
The husband has the great task of extinguishing these fires time to time which simply makes his life miserable between his family and his wife.
So the job of a husband is manifold. He has to make a balance of all these aspects in the house and see that the things are under control and people are really ready for a peaceful coexistence. Otherwise, a division in the family is the only solution and that is happening in most of the families after marriage. We blame the incoming girl for this but on the contrary, both the parties are equally responsible for this catastrophe.