Introduction Recognition and appreciation are two simple things that all of us can do and should to. This is so essential for win-win happiness of all. That is, happiness for us and for others too. This is absolutely no rocket science. Yet, they become complete only when we do the basics right. The three main steps in this direction are a) listening and appropriate body language b) helping the other person feel the emotion and c) reinforcing the positive emotions and feelings.
Listening and appropriate Body language Listening and appropriate body language go together. They are not mutually exclusive. Imagine this situation. You go to a friend's house. The guy has gone out for shopping and is expected in the next fifteen minutes. His mother asks you to sit down and she also offers a glass of water for you to drink. She offers coffee which you politely refuse. His recently retired father appears and sees you sitting cross legged.
What would be his immediate reaction? He would put up a stern face. Or, he would simply walk away and ventilate his grievance to his wife. Chances are that you would not be welcome to their house in future. Possibly they would tell your friend in no ambiguous terms that your body language is unacceptable.
What went wrong? Rich or poor, or whether he had retired from a senior or junior position does not matter. He is the father of your friend. Full stop. So, you ought to give him respect. This respect is one of recognition and appreciation for his knowledge and his age.
Another situation. Your six year old daughter comes so eagerly to you with her notebook and her drawing. Her teacher had written very good and signed just under the drawing. The child wants you to recognize her achievement. The child wants you to appreciate her. If you do neither, and are immersed in your mobile or simply talking over phone to someone and just grab the notebook by just smiling, the child will immediately take offense. The child would even cry and report your behavior to your wife. That would make matters worse.
It is these small instances that make our lives far better. However, it is these small instances that we neglect and fail as parents or as executives in offices. For instance, you merely shake your head when a worker reports an improvement. Or worse, you completely ignore the person. You return the next thirty minutes later and blast him for claiming credit for such a small improvement.
You can guarantee total demoralization of the worker. Also guaranteed is the spill over. More co-workers would share his agony and a win-lose situation is there for the asking. This does not mean that you should not give a peace of your mind when there is shoddy work. This is perfectly fine. You will be seen as a issues-based leader, only if you inspire people for superior performance. If you always seen as a person who barks at people, there will be a guaranteed work atmosphere full of tension and ego plays.
Hence, every small input in recognition and appreciation is a must for building a good culture at home or at work.
Helping the other person feel the emotion In each of the above instances, you can notice that if you stay for a while, nod your head and appreciate the person, the individual will happily reciprocate. A happy "good morning uncle" by immediately getting up will be the best way to manage situation one. Immediate closure of the cell phone conversation and attending to your daughter by physically hugging her or even kissing her and wishing her all the best, will enable the child to feel so happy. The child will be simply motivated to work much harder and produce even much better drawings. Ditto for the office situation. If you do your homework well, and are emotionally stable, you will automatically have happy workers all over. This is a crucial task that requires planning and application.
The happiness stays in the same person and tends to repeat itself when we sort of give the person what we call "positive stroking" in the language of transnational analysis, an advanced applied behavioral science technique, so effectively used in Corporate settings and in counseling sessions.
Reinforcing the positive emotions and feelings Reinforcing the positive emotions and feelings is no rocket science either. It is very simple. It requires consistency in your behavior. It requires leadership. After a couple of days if you ask your daughter about her drawing, she is very likely to show you at least two more drawings. That is real motivation. Likewise if you ask the worker about any suggestion for further improvement, he will feel empowered and give a superb suggestion.
Once implemented, this suggestion will even bring about better results. The cycle goes on.
Please do note that each of the three basic steps are so easy to talk. We often falter at every step as human beings. Our egos play a dirty role too. We should become aware of this problem too.
It often requires a big set back for each of us to understand the value of others. Be it our wives, our
co-workers or our children. Life is all about developing a huge amount of emotional intelligence. This requires patience, practice and empathy. Not in the same order, though. For, each of these may be necessary in any given situation.
If we follow the basics, we can easily get the chemistry right. We have no choice. The outcomes of win-win happiness is a big reality, if only we attempt it all the time and continuously. In this complex world, we do not have any choice.
A very motivating article for invoking respectful and polite behaviour to create happiness in and around us.
It is true that mutual respect and basic etiquettes are the building block of a good rapport but very few people know this art of gaining confidence and love of others in the society.
Generally, people will not be listening to others and will rather like that others should listen to them. This is the most dangerous and devastating trend and will create conflict and unnecessary fights due to the clash of egos and personalities.
It is easy to say that we should behave properly with others and win them without an attitude and behavioural pattern but in reality, this does not happen. There are people who are adamant and will never be ready to compromise on any account. These black sheep spoil the game and discourage even the patient and prudent people to behave properly.
Then the question comes as to how to deal with such stubborn people, and the only way is to give them replies in their own language and style. Those people require some sort of banging to be kept quiet and leave the scene of quarrel or confrontation. So in real life scenario, sometimes some tough decisions are to be taken as soft measures will not be fruitful.