IntroductionJealousy is the most basic and most harmful negative emotion. None of us can escape from it. But if we take a little care, we can minimize its impact and live a very conscious thought when we experience it. Even thinking of doing any damage to the person about whom we are jealous is a very dangerous thing that we should avoid. The television serials in most Indian languages are mostly built on jealousy. The hugely horrible actions of some bad person is shown in all its glory. These are best avoided. In this article, the art of minimizing jealousy is sought to be discussed with reference to a) taking life as it comes b) develop a sharp focus on our strengths c) continuously using all opportunities d) forgetting all negative emotions e) learning from successes and f) having role models.
Taking life as it comesThis is a huge plus, if taken seriously. Just think. What is the use of being jealous of a cousin, who lives in America just because your uncle is settled there? If that uncle helps you to study there, fine. If he does not do so, what alternative do you have, assuming that you are in the eleventh standard now? You have around two full years to lay the foundation of your getting there. Imagine you want to become an engineer. You must go only to IIT. This means you must crack the IIT JEE.
So no television, no movies, no freaking out with friends and no distractions. Sixteen hours of hard work is likely to take you to IIT. Literally every single person who gets there puts in this kind of hard work. Thereafter you need to apply to the best Universities in the USA or UK or Germany to do your Master's Degree and then a doctorate. You will be guaranteed a job in the US, even if becoming a citizen may take time. You would have made it too.
Wait a minute. All this is possible only if you had the magnanimity of accepting your present position, and then working so hard to get there. No amount of pooja and no visit to Tirupathi can help you, unless you establish the base of hard work. The two questions in this connection, when we take life as it comes are : a) okay, am here and b) what next?
If we find answers to these two questions, our focus will only be on what we can do. We will have banished jealousy at least to some extent.
Developing a sharp focus on our strengthsThis follows from the first step of taking life as it comes. Some have a big aptitude for entrepreneurship. In most families in the city of Coimbatore, one can find this streak in any youngster, even when they are in standard nine. The city oozes entrepreneurship. The entire ecosystem is built on hard work on making superb use of one's time every minute and hour of the day. The rub off effect has to be seen to be believed. Even ordinary entrepreneurs make one hundred thousand rupees just like that.
This is what is meant by sharp focus on our strengths. We are born in this world to achieve something. Jealousy will only take us down the path of ruin, if we do not know what our strengths are and then exploit them. Extroverts with superb inter-personal skills are very good event managers. People with creative skills in art work becoming professionals in painting and modern art.
Identifying this natural talent and strengths related to it can happen through good feedback from well wishers and friends. It can even happen through face to face contact with career counselors. Once this focus is achieved, half the battle is easily won.
Continuously using all opportunitiesMost of us who are jealous of someone's success feel that "it is all our fate. Am stuck in this small town". This is an absolutely ridiculous argument or a feeling. It is as stupid as only it can get.
Even ordinary graduates, with a gift of the gab and ability to jell with others. for example, are milking the event management market in the big cities of Chennai, Bangalore, Hyderabad, Mew Delhi, Mumbai and Pune.
Around three years ago, there was this Zoology graduate referred to me. It turned out that this guy was so jealous of his cousin sister who was a trained psychologist and well settled in Mumbai. But this girl had a doctorate and five years experience in the field. All his hard work was not realized by this stupid fellow.
I made him relax and spent some eleven rounds of understanding what would interest him. I found that he had a knack of understanding the logic behind the games for children, made available on mobile phones. It had no relationship with Zoology, which he himself wanted to forget. He was not at all interested in Zoology and it was an accident.
I referred this fellow to an IT expert. He pushed him to Mumbai and made him enroll in some course. All that I could understand was that it had some relationship with this core strengths. Today the same guy is in Mumbai, and is a good developer of games for children. He wants to go to the US for higher studies and is saving some money for the same.
All this happened only because my IT expert friend spotted his talent and prodding him from getting out of Madurai, where he was based.
Opportunities knock at our door so many times. We need to chase them wherever they are good. That is, where the ecosystems are good. If we cannot spot them in our environment, it is better to migrate to where those opportunities are available.
Forgetting all negative emotionsEven violence is a negative emotion. Hatred is even more dangerous. In combination with jealousy, we often find these two deadly emotions in people. They can not only destroy such people, they can even do maximum harm to the society as well, as the negative emotions in combination at any point in time, can lead to murders too.
Habits associated with such emotions are equally dangerous. For example, useless and wasteful gossip about the person who has achieved success and about whom we are jealous is absolute waste of time.
This is exactly we, the normal people, with some jealousy in us, should attempt to keep our minds calm, go through steps one and two described above in all seriousness and explore further possibilities to develop. Once we are on the development path, jealousy is unlikely to affect us at all.
Learning from successesLet us imagine that we are jealous about someone who is a CEO somewhere. He is our cousin brother or even our own blood brother.
It is wise to even look at his own success model and learn lessons. He would have superb time management. He would never ever gossip. He would still find some time for his wife and family members. He would be able to understand all that it takes to get the best out of people. The list is endless. Only those who stand out, do so much of hard work, can achieve success. We should learn a little or even a lot from the very same people about whom we are jealous. This will release all our tension.
Have Role ModelsThese role models need not be only CEOs or top notch managers. They can be ordinary municipal teachers or even college teachers who have achieved success without any seemingly obvious jealousy about anyone. If they are people who are easily approachable, if they are people who understand others and go all out to help them, these are the role models that we can follow and learn from. Even have a big session with them on the week ends and try to get over our feelings of jealousy. They will obviously inform and educate us on the various methods that they use to do what they do. They are always unique.
Learning from such people will open up new possibilities. It will enable us to lead fuller and better lives. It will teach us that jealousy, will, after all, take us nowhere.
Once we are successful in learning their recipe of success, we would have traveled a lot down the right path, as it were.
ConclusionWe would have reached the pinnacle of our own glory, in whatever environment we operate in and from and learn that we are also capable in our own way. Comparing ourselves with others who are successful elsewhere will not lead us anywhere. If we follow the steps outlined above, some amount of success in minimizing the effects of jealousy in our lives would have already been achieved with some amount of confidence.
This in turn will lead us to a better tomorrow of hope and optimism at any point in time.
An interesting article by the author advising to forget about jealousy and focus for our own goals.
Jealousy is a natural trait and it is present in everyone albeit in different proportions. So the question of containment of jealousy comes in whenever there is a disturbing aspect of this trait on one's ambition, career and objective of life.
Ordinary people cannot subside the storm of jealousy. It requires special control on one's feelings and those who can concentrate and focus in their work can only achieve it.
A good subject, indeed.
I read the entire article, but couldn't find ways and means to actually get rid of this menace called "Jealousy". I understand that one should not compare, because comparison breeds jealously. But if there is no comparison, no competition, that would mean I am happy with what I have, that would mean perfect equanimity, perfect contentment.
Then what is point of assessing my strengths, what is the point of looking for opportunities, what will I learn from the success, why should I have a role model then?
I am jealous because I compare. And I compare because I am conditioned to compare with those who are ahead, I am conditioned to set targets, I am conditioned to compete to reach the next level. And for all this, I assess my strength, look for opportunities, I try to learn from other’s successes and failures, I have my role model to follow.
How can I escape all this? How will I live then?
Mr Nanda please read the article once again. It is essential that you should never compare yourself with others. Please do note each and every point. Make it a point to go to a very lonely place and get to feel what is happening to you.
Getting over jealousy is not totally possible. It is possible to get over this negative emotion to some extent if you try very seriously. The article has enough ideas in this direction. Every single case study is a true thing in which I was involved directly or indirectly. You can try the ideas. Of course, you can take a contrary stand.
Jealousy is a dangerous quality. It is damaging as it kills everything. Though it is a characteristic present within us, it destroys everything that we have on the outside. Whether it is our relationship or friendship, it can ruin everything in mere fractions of seconds.
First thing is that we need to accept that we are feeling jealous. Though it is a negative trait, still we need to enter into the mode of acceptance to get rid of it. If we keep on continuing in the denial mode, we need to live with this killer quality for throughout our lives. All we need to do is whenever we feel jealous; we need to stop for a moment. We need to stop everything that we are doing and keenly observe our feelings and the quality of our thoughts.
Let us understand that jealousy and reality are two different things. We develop jealousy as we feel that the other person is superior to us in some way or the other. However, the reality may not be the same. In real life, situations may be something different. We are jealous as we are feeling inferior to the other person. It is just our thoughts and feelings. It has got nothing to do with reality. Thus, we need to take a break and stop the way we are thinking and feeling. We need to realize ourselves that whatever is going on in our minds and heart is completely different from the real situations.
We don’t have to become a slave to our jealous thoughts. We have to master our thoughts. Our mind should be in our control and thus we should be able to control the quality of our thoughts. Our mind cannot control us. We cannot let it create the jealous thoughts and ruin our precious relationships in the real world. We cannot dare to stand back and let these negative thoughts increase our rage and anxiousness. All we need to do is get back that lost control and thereby produce quality thoughts and feelings that will help us to get rid of negative jealousy thoughts.