How to cope up with disobedient children


Nowadays, many parents complain that their children have become very disobedient. There must be some reasons behind this. I am also a parent and have faced such issues at some or other point of time. It is important to address this issue at the very beginning. This article attempts to address this issue properly and gives some suggestions to deal with it.

Introduction

If you are a parent then you have definitely experienced disobedience from your children at some point or the other. You must be in a complete dilemma as what to do when your child is completely denying your request or order and you know it was for the betterment of your child. If you haven't faced such an issue anywhere in life, then you are quite lucky. But if you have, then you can go through the following sections to identify your problem and act accordingly. Most of these solutions are home tested. My children are quite big now. I am basically recollecting few of my life instances and what I had done to overcome those issues.

Symptoms of mild and major disobedience

  • You should be able to identify the early symptoms of disobedience of your child. You will not suddenly find that one fine morning your child has become totally disobedient to you. The early signs will be constantly denying whatever you say. For example, if you say, "Come, my child,, let's go back", you may find your child nodding his or her head in vehement denial and not ready to go with you.
  • Sometimes when you try to take your child away from a fast food centre or you try to stop your child to eat the fast food halfway through, then you may notice that your child tries to run away from you. He or she might also start crying when you try to take him or her away from the fast food centre. Crying at such little things is just the early stage. You will gradually find that your child starts crying at every little issue. He or she will soon understand that crying is a good weapon and it helps their stubbornness win.
  • Say, you deny buying a certain object for your child, then you might notice that your child is referring to some other child who has been given that object. You will be constantly reminded that you are neglecting your child, whereas some Mr. X or Mrs. Y is very loving towards his or her child and provide their child with whatever they want.

What could be the severe effects of disobedience if such early symptoms are completely disregarded?

  • Your child might think that disobedience is the answer to every problem. He or she will start disobeying you at each and every point of time. I have seen over pampered children deny to even sit at the places pointed out by their parents. You will face a lot of difficulties in raising your child.
  • If your child finds that his disobedience lets him do his own will everywhere, then he will start doing so at the school. The teachers of that school will never like this. You will start receiving calls from the principal of the school about your child's act of disobedience. Worse still, you might be asked to take your child from that school and admit elsewhere.
  • You may soon find that your child is becoming hyper at every small instance. He or she breaks glasses or other fragile objects just to show the stubbornness and to disobey the order of the parents. This is not only bad for your house, but it also puts a mental pressure upon you. Every step you take for your child may be adversely affected by these acts of disobedience.


Measures to curb a child's disobedience

  • Firstly, you have to remember that you need to be a close observer of the behavioural pattern of your child. You need to identify any change of behaviour among your child and address the issue right away. By behavioural change I mean, the ones I have mentioned in the previous sections. As you are the parent, you will definitely be able to tell when your child is crying in disobedience or when due to other reasons.
  • You must make the child aware of the his or change of behaviour. Ask him the reason. Don't ask in a commanding tone. You can say, "Dear, you did not behave like this earlier. What's the matter? I know you won't do so, unless there is some grave reason behind this. Tell me what it is." If your child thinks that you are like an alien boss who always tries to find the wrongs in him, then he will never accept his disobedience problems. On the contrary, he will become more disobedient.
  • Try to take your child out for a movie or for a long tour once or twice a year. Buy him or her new toys once in a year or whenever he or she has won a prize and made you proud. This way your child will have the feeling, that his or her parent is there for him or her. A child would believe that 'my parent does everything needful for my entertainment. I should also obey his orders and do my bit.' If you deny every little thing he or she asks, then your child will definitely become disobedient.
  • When your child compares you with other parents, then always explain the situation of other parents and that of yours. Tell them the truth. Tell them why you are giving such orders. Tell them why is it necessary for them obey the orders. Tell them the effect of disobedience. It is important for them to know the harsh reality of the world. What many parents don't know is that children love transparency. We as parents always think that if we tell them the truth they won't understand. We never think that it is us who are not able to explain. Our children have a high potential to understand things. They just need the confidence of their parents.
  • Sometimes it is also important to be strict to your children. If they break things or end up in a fight, then scold them. Tell them that they will not be able to watch television for the entire week, for their intolerable behaviour. This will make them understand that they will not get away with any behaviour.
  • Last but not the least, the main reason of children being disobedient is that parents scold them in front of outsiders. Don't do that. Even if your child is too young, he or she has a prestige issue. By scolding him in front of others, you are basically hurting his prestige. This never goes down well with your child.


Conclusion

Finally to conclude, I would like to say that to curb the disobedience of the child, it takes both sides' effort. You as a parent should take a major effort. When you do so, you will see the gradual change in your children. Make sure to always observe your child and act accordingly.


Comments

Author: Sanjeev Gupta28 Sep 2018 Member Level: Gold   Points : 2

My son is somewhat disobedient and I am not able to mend him. He doesn't listen to us. I have asked his teacher what to do to take him to the right path. She advised us not to fulfill all his demands so that he may understand that if we are fulfilling his demands then he too in return should obey us. We tried this but could not find any change in him. His mother often beats him when he doesn't listen to her but that's not the solution and what is to be done we also don't understand. May we need to understand him better and need to discuss why he behaves like this. We have left it and pray with the time he will get better and will behave like we want him to.

Author: Reena Upadhya29 Sep 2018 Member Level: Diamond   Points : 7

Author has written an in-depth article describing symptoms, effects of disobedient children and measures that need to be taken to correct them. Parent's or guardian's response matters a lot. If your child is disobedient, it does not mean that you have to lose your temper and explode. The more you lose temper, the more your child is going to show you disrespect and disobey you. Try to remain as calm as possible. Let your child know that you understand him/her. You need to show consistency in your behavior pattern and try to be as cooperative as possible. Give respect and take respect is the best policy that you can adopt. Respect your child and earn the respect back. Whenever child shows episodes of disobedience, let your child calm down and gain the control back. Once he gains self-control, only then talk to him and help him learn about his behavior.

Appreciate the child every now and then when he shows respect and obeys you. These little compliments will help him to become more and more obedient. Do remember that punishment is never going to do any good. Instead, the efforts that are made by parents in a positive direction can only help in the betterment of the kid.

Try to analyze the family relationships. If there is any sign that displays a lack of understanding and cooperation within the family, it is very important to work on it. The reason may be that your child is going through the struggle and family issues have exerted negative effects on the mind. Before the conditions worsen and child enters into disobedient adolescent age, it is important to get rid of those family struggles. Once the root cause is removed, episodes of disobedience will never hamper the child’s development process.

Author: Sheo Shankar Jha29 Sep 2018 Member Level: Diamond   Points : 4

Disobedience of the child does not start all of a sudden. The child is definitely influenced by the behavior of the close relatives, parents and teachers. Family environment plays an important role in shaping the mental temperament. The presence of love and patient hearing of the issues which the kids are facing will help kids to grow with a balanced mind frame.
If the disobedience among the children is being seen, it reflects the disarrangement of their own house and most probably the kids are not being heard for their justified issues. Aggressive approach of the parents would worsen the situation. Most importantly a healthy dialogue is required to be established between the kids and the parents. This would go a long way to molding their temperament. Humanely approach, alone, is the only solution to take care of his disobedience.

Author: K Mohan29 Sep 2018 Member Level: Platinum   Points : 3

Disobedience in children is the natural reaction if their demands and wants are not cared for or given credence by the parents and others. Children are ardent learners. They learn from the parents, relatives, neighbors and teachers. What I feel is that a child will not become bad just like that. If the parents fail to give time to the child and understand their need and wants, the child feels the aloofness and thus he behaves strangely. Since nobody knows the child better than the parents, they alone are responsible for the strange behavior or disobedience of the child and that anomaly has to be corrected in the small age itself.

Author: umesh03 Oct 2018 Member Level: Diamond   Points : 2

Disobedience is a common characteristic of the children and it is not that only your or my child has it. Parents have a great responsibility of bringing up the children and the traits the children exhibit are the reflections of the way the parents have nurtured their offsprings.

Many parents may not agree to this, but the fact is that if parents are serious from the beginning they can definitely shape the behaviour and mannerism of the children in a positive way. Disobedience is only one of the manifestations of a spoilt child. Parents have to be strict with the children and should not give them whatever they demand; rather, make them realize that they will get rewarded only after good behaviour. The mind of a child is like a slate. It is tender. We can mould it in our ways and no doubt it requires the efforts which many parents avoid.

Once children have become disobedient and learn how to blackmail their parents, then the corrective actions are very very difficult. So we should be careful since the beginning.

Author: DR.N.V. Srinivasa Rao17 Oct 2018 Member Level: Diamond   Points : 3

A good article and the subject is dealt in a very comprehensive way. Parents should see the behaviour pattern of the child from the initial stages and try to mend them then itself. Another important point is that the parents should stand as role models to them. So the parents should show their positive qualities to the children and then they will start respecting the parents. The attitude of the children will completely depend on the mentoring and the behaviour of the parents in many cases.



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