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What to do if your child creates unhealthy chaos at a visiting place

Charity should start at home. Same way learning manners and displaying basic courtesy are the easiest things to teach our children, even at a very early age, but it is not always done. These factors influence more while we visit a friend's house with children and the role of parenting is discussed in this article. Please read on.


There is an old saying that crow loves her own little bird and the same is the case with our little tots too. Their reactions to our words, their little rhymes and every scene they display in the process of the growth are very much enjoyable which many of us try to share this golden moment with our friends and relatives. The parenting has always its influence on the child and it all depends on how we train them and make them learn basic manners.

Generally many of the parents neglect to monitor their child in the first three to five years and would have a liberal attitude to restrict their behavioural aspects by saying that they are too young and would learn in the long process as to how one should behave in public and private places of visit. It may be partly true but not always in all the cases.

A small story of Vikram

Just take the example of Vikram, the three-year-old kid of Shanti. Shanti one day visits her old friend Sravani and their meet after a long time at Sravani's house makes both feel a fresh and congenial atmosphere. Both were busy in exchanging their views on various topics and recalling their earlier days. Vikram was giving a lot of disturbance and interrupting his mother by pointing at the toys displayed in the showcase. her friend picked out one of the soft toys and gave him to play with it for a while. Her plan could not work out properly and the peace did not last long. His attention was on the crystal item and pressed hard to get it. poor lady tried to convince him to be more careful and gave it to him. Shanti was simply watching all this with a smile.

Shanti and Sravani were very happy now and continued their chat but it couldn't last long. Their joyful moment comes to an end with the combination of the sound of the broken crystal item and the loud cry of Vikram as it got slipped from his hands. He was helplessly watching the broken pieces and started crying to avoid the possible 'beat-up' session by his mom. Sravani was trying to shield her anger keeping the same in between her teeth while Shanti simply scored of the situation by saying, " Naughty guy, wherever he goes, he creates the same problem like this. That's why I never leave my house. These days, I'm not going anywhere". She could have observed a fake smile on the face of her friend.

The above short story could have pen pictured you all about the scenario at Sravani's house. the lacuna in parenting at the early stages is clearly visible here and we can understand 'what to do' and 'what not to do' while dealing with the little kids.

What to do to check the child in such a scenario?

The best thing to do is not to hesitate to correct children at the spot itself which would help them to understand their mistake and to appreciate the necessity of manners and how to apply them. No matter whether your little heart feels a lot or not. For example, the above story simply reflects the failure of Vikram's mother where she should have acted like this -
While both the friends were having a conversation and Vikram interrupted them, she could have gently pointed out as an inappropriate behaviour. A polite warning that it was not a place to behave could have made him to be a disciplined guy.Thus she could have averted the damage to the property of her friend.

The following few things work in upbringing and nourishing the child in a positive way since the beginning:

  1. One should be careful while correcting the children. If you are aggressive, particularly in front of others, it can be a form of rudeness and may lead to a negative impact. He may become more adamant to score his point before the others.
  2. Communication skills are more important as they would influence the child and make them more comfortable that they are treated with dignity, respect and that you genuinely want them to improve.
  3. It is very important to inculcate in their mind that not to touch things that are on tables, either in your home or when visiting. 'Have a look and enjoy the beauty but don't touch!' - this guiding principle should creep into their mind.
  4. The very basic features of human co-existence like complimenting each other, thanking while taking compliments or exchanging pleasantries and showing courtesy are very often observed very keenly by the young minds and its our bounden duty to have an exemplary behaviour at home and in our social gatherings. It's quite common that children copy what they see and hear and try to imitate and follow the footsteps of their parents. So always try to use those words often which would influence the child on a a positive side.
  5. A simple smile on the face some times may work by just trying to explain that the behavior is punishable and how it should be avoided in the future. In the above episode of Vikram, the boy should have been taught how he would be avoided by Sravani aunty next time and it would be an insult to the family if such things are repeated.
  6. The importance of Good manners should be made understood to them and they should not learn artificially. Also the most used pleasing words - "please" and "thank you" and the courteous words like "excuse me", "May I…" and "no, thank you" should be taught to them so that they can use at regular intervals based on the necessity.

Sum up

Training a child with good manners en is exceedingly important and the one who develops awareness of others and their feelings will surely turn into a good human-being and enjoys the respect of all. If a child is respected because of his well mannered nature, the parents too are respected for the bringing up of such child.

An interaction with the child when present in a group would explore the feasibility to educate them about appropriate social behaviour. Making them aware of the importance about the key elements like keeping silence, maintaining decorum while meeting new people and taking care of property like play items and decorative pieces etc would enhance their space in the social life and would make them more lovable by one and all.

Article by Jagdish Patro
Jagdish Patro is a freelance writer and a regular contributor to ISC and other websites. Fond of reading books, novels and spends his leisure time by listening to music. He did his B.Sc in Applied Chemistry and his M.Sc in Resource Development Technology. He edited and published an in-house monthly journal by name ‘Srujana’ during 2009-2011 which was totally a private circulation.

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Author: Reena Upadhya29 Sep 2018 Member Level: Diamond   Points : 9

Author has written a very nice story in the article. Also, I would like to say that every reader can correlate with it. Kids today create lots of chaos and are not that disciplined when compared to earlier times. Author has beautifully described that how Vikram's mother should have taught him regarding the inappropriate behavior at the very first interruption itself. The reason for keeping quiet is her shyness and failure to accept defeat. She didn't want her friend to know that her child is out of her control and not disciplined in a proper way. Most of the times we all live in an illusory world.

After all, kids are kids and they need to be taught regarding everything including the surroundings. Until the kids are taught about the way they need to behave in front of others and in the places they are about to visit, they cannot understand regarding these things on their own. The key here is to spend as much time with your kid as possible. Spending time doesn't mean that it should be all play and no work. Spending quality time is the need of the hour. In that duration explain them and help them become familiar with the surroundings.

Measures to inculcate discipline do affect the upbringing of the child. As a parent, it is the responsibility to set certain limits and boundaries. They need to carefully guide the child in his/her development years. They need to be taught that every action has its reactions and reactions come in the form of consequences. They need to be guided in such a way that they should be able to choose rightly and independently. Measures to inculcate discipline should not be strict. Otherwise, it will instill fear in a child's heart. It, in turn, can negatively affect the communication ability of the child.

Author: Umesh03 Oct 2018 Member Level: Diamond   Points : 1

The behaviour of the children depends on how have they been brought up. If they are brought up in a disciplined and respectful environment, they will not behave rashly. Parents have the greatest responsibility in this matter and they can not simply relate it to the inherent nature of that child. Parents should not give much liberty and also should not pamper the children otherwise they will go beyond control and create scenes everywhere.

Whenever parents take the child outside then they must explain to them beforehand that they are being taken to such and such a place and certain manners are expected from them. In case they do not abide they may be deprived of certain privileges. If the message is clear the children will abide.

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