What to do when your beloved one is reluctant to continue studies while staying outside

This problem is a serious concern of many parents as their son or daughter all of a sudden decides to quit their study and prefers to return home. They won't tell you any reason and would press to stay with parents causing a loss of important time at the time of academic career. How to deal with such a trivial situation is discussed here in this article.

Radhika was more worried about her only son Charan who was doing his B Tech Second year in the famous SRM University at Chennai. The are living at Hyderabad but thought of better future for the boy and he too wanted to pursue his studies in the esteemed Institute. Charan too is a bright student with a good academic record with a back drop of Kendriya Vidyalaya studies at Hyderabad and Pune. Everything was fine till he joined the college at Chennai. Surprisingly, Charan who is expected to finish his First year and make an entry into the Second year lost the battle in the First year examination with backlogs in First Semester and the Second semester exam too finished with 'zero' performance resulting in detention in First year itself. feeling this insulted, Charan left Chennai and decided not go back to continue the study there.

A catch 22 situation for any parent and the blame game started between the father and mother. What did they do? Has Charan completed his course at Chennai? Not a suspense story but a serious one which may help others too to learn what is to be done in such a scenario.

Whether it is a school or a college, regular course or a professional study, study locally or outside the place of residence - all make no difference and would have their impact on the student and parents as well,if they suddenly leave the study in between. A glorious career should not be at stake and parents to handle the situation very carefully without hurting their ward any more. The success of a child during an academic year is relatively dependent on communication and cooperation between parents and teachers. Particularly, when they switch over to a new environment, parental role is more important to interact with his/her friends and teachers and parents should gather first hand information about the progress of their child.

Here Radhika's husband Rajan, a software professional, is a workaholic and not bothered much about the happenings at house and total responsibility is rested on Radhika. A strong believer in teachers too that they would be responsible and contribute for the growth of the child. But does it always true? Can we make teachers responsible for each and everything? They can't concentrate on everyone as the class room is tied with 60-80 pupils in every section of a course of study.

A frequent interaction with teachers

Parents entrust the teachers the responsibility of taking care of their children who are the most precious people in our lives. Both teacher and parent coordination and working together would facilitate the development of the child. It is always ideal to share any information that can affect your child emotionally, mentally or physically. Remember, we should try to gather as much as information as possible by just listening to them what they say about. Also, take the inputs from his friends and the caretaker of the hostel so that you may get some ideas on how to encourage and extend that learning environment as well.

If required, stay with your child instead of continuing him/her in hostel

In the episode above what Radhika did was she preferred to stay with her son at Chennai by letting a private accommodation and monitored her son personally by liaising with his friends and teachers. She tried to mend the ways and cultivating the habit of reading, driving away the fear of education and repeated not insisting the reasons for his laxity. Yes, one should not repeatedly discuss the past events. We should try to erase the feelings, if any. It helps them in rebuilding the confidence to face any challenge that may likely to encounter his future. In this process, her family life might have badly affected but Radhika and Rajan decided to go ahead with this idea in the interest of his career. Now, the boy completed his B Tech (of course, in Five years as he was detained in First year due to backlogs but they saved themselves and the boy by leaving the study amid) and the happy mother and the son returned to Hyderabad.

Exchanging proper communication

Where parents lag behind is that they won't open up properly with their children and won't allow them to express their opinion about what's going on with his/her education. This situation prevails elsewhere in the area of the children and there is no congenial atmosphere where they feel comfortable expressing their likes, dislikes or concerns. When they come up with their opinion, lend an ear – even if you disagree. Otherwise they feel that they are being forced to exceed to the decision of their parents irrespective of the facts about their educational experience without being judged, put down, discouraged or ignored while staying outside.

It is also important to verify whether their ward is doing well in the place and comfortable with the new environment. Keeping in touch with his friends and teachers will make us understand as to whether he is going in a proper direction. Sometimes there are chances of intimidation by his friends which may negatively influence the career of the boy. We should always try to maintain not to be influenced by such acts by some mischievous people and fight back with determination and hard work.

Wrap up

Another factor is that they should be exposed to the outside world and stay connected to friends and relatives with better interactions so that they can adjusted to the outside environment. You can't say that every story would end successfully like Charan and Radhika mentioned here. Cases are plenty where people returned home without completing their study and changed their career. The behavioral aspects like social isolation, aggressiveness and depression often their disposal to understand how to deal with negative emotions.

There has always been a conflict between family environment and parent-child relationships badly influencing the child. While it comes to the child studying outside, it is a different momentum where the student-student relationship, student-teacher relationship and the social environment do matter. We have to recognize these underlying needs relating to child counseling to deal with the behavioral difficulties.

Article by Jagdish Patro
Jagdish Patro is a freelance writer and a regular contributor to ISC and other websites. Fond of reading books, novels and spends his leisure time by listening to music. He did his B.Sc in Applied Chemistry and his M.Sc in Resource Development Technology. He edited and published an in-house monthly journal by name ‘Srujana’ during 2009-2011 which was totally a private circulation.

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Author: K Mohan25 Sep 2019 Member Level: Platinum   Points : 3

I feel the parents should not rush to a conclusion on the demand of the children that they want to study abroad. When the actual studies start, they may be unable to cope up with the high standards and may not feel comfortable with living there even. In that case, they feel suffocated and does not want to continue further. Before leaving for foreign studies, parents must ensure that the child really intends to study and that his intention is not to make a jolly tour of another country. So I would blame it on the parents for not probing the requirement of the student.

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