Introduction The most horrible murder of a middle-aged mother, who simply opposed the Facebook love of her college-going daughter near Tiruvellore, (fifty kilometres from Chennai), along with her lover and three more of his accomplices, is a gruesome reminder of all that can go wrong in the society. A labourer from North India mercilessly pushed his wife from the 19th floor of a building coming up in the outskirts of Chennai. These two murders are really shocking.
What has gone wrong and why? There are too many complex answers. However, given our present times, we need to focus on a) Teaching the right religious/spiritual values to very young children b) Keeping a big tab on the social surroundings of children c) Having a regular dialogue with the right school teachers d) Making social media available for limited purposes and e) constantly counseling deviant behavior. Though these actions may by themselves not prevent many crimes, sociologists and psychologists often opine that these steps are very much in order.
Teaching the right religious/spiritual values Moral instruction at a very young age can indeed make a huge difference. For instance, it has been observed that the men from the most prestigious institutions of the country never ever do any harm to women. The education makes them believe in the right values. There are so many families where the religious values are sought of demonstrated to the younger children of both the genders. There are family functions where a lot of healthy mingling takes place. Even in Gujarat, it is seen that this sort of mingling is not only encouraged, it also brings about far better values. When men do not go all out of the way to attract women or young girls, the society by itself will automatically reform. At least to a greater extent than what we see now.
Keeping a tab on social surroundings Parents should be very careful to note the kind of company the children have. If they get to mix with anyone where the violent tendencies are noticed, they should be warned to totally cut the friendship. There are some women who are spoiled but also try to spoil others too. For instance, some years ago, there was this peculiar problem reported in pockets of Tamil Nadu. Some children of standard nine or ten were seen using the whitener available from the Stationery shops to give them a "kick". Following a big hue and cry, the Management of the concerned schools woke up and took remedial action. The problem seems to have been minimized now.
Such deviant behaviour will normally sow the seed for more violent and deviant behaviour against women at a later stage. Parents should keep a close watch. There are very wise parents who spend their dinner time only with their children. IT professionals work from home after dinner. But the vital time that they get to speak to girl children does prevent any damage from happening at all.
Havng a regular dialogue with school teachers There are good teachers even in the busiest of cities like Mumbai. They do take the maximum interest in what children do or not do. They do give regular feedback on the behaviour of children to their parents. They even visit the houses of children to offer them counselling or some special help. This writer has seen this in the city of Mumbai.
Parents should make use of such teachers. Irrespective of the class in which the student is studying, if there is regular feedback, the girl child can be protected from any danger. The feedback should also be centred around any boy who is deviant and does tease the girl children or attempt to do any other harm. Wise parents even change the schools in such cases. The girl child also needs special counselling and help after attaining the age of puberty. The hormone changes have now made it possible for girl children to reach this even at the age of 11, as opposed to the age of 14 and above, in the decades that have gone by.
If there is proper counselling, most matters can be tackled. If there is regular feedback, the dangers can be totally avoided. Stress on good careers and guidance for the same can arrest the negative tendencies to enter the minds of girls in the most vulnerable age of 18-22. For instance, if the girl in the above case had learned about the dangers of a completely ruined future that she would have after years in prison, she would not have gone to the extent of murdering her own mother. This is the extreme case of horrible violence in a State where such murders are now becoming common, unlike in the past when safety was a given.
Making social media available for limited purposes This is another imperative. Even during the recent Gaja cyclone, it was only Facebook and whats up and Twitter that came to the rescue of the people who were affected. Those who visited the places with some relief material reached places some seventy kilometres away, where the internet connections were available and communicated to the several hundreds of volunteers. The help is still pouring in and though entire savings or resources of several families have been totally lost, there is some hope.
It is sad that the same Facebook has been misused by a young girl to develop a friendship with an unknown crook, and then murder her own mother. If only the girl had some balance of mind, her mother would not have been murdered. Even if her mother had told her own relatives, something could have been done. There is every chance that she wanted the entire affair to remain a total secret. And that has cost her life.
Parents should take a clue. The entire exposure to social media should be very limited. No sharing of any personal information should be made possible. Of course, there is absolutely no point in blaming Facebook, which actually connects so many billions of people at various levels and across economic classes. They often champion very good causes too.
Constantly counselling deviant behaviour A very calm mind can solve hundreds of problems. The greatest of saints like Ramana Maharishi has always talked about this fact. It is hence essential that we try to take our children through this journey, right from a very young age. The girl children need not be ultra-conservative. But they need not be ultra modern either, without any cultural moorings. Deviant behaviour often occurs at very young ages. The girls in the age group of 14 to 18, for example, are too much attracted towards the other sex, thanks to a huge exposure through movies and the horrible serials. However, the calm mind, combined with counselling can tackle many problems.
This writer has seen this happening in Ahmedabad, Mumbai and even in Bangalore. Families where there is a huge amount of counselling, particularly by the elders, does make a huge difference. Of course, all this can happen only when the girl child or the young adult is ready to listen and this requires a big calm mind, as a matter of routine. This is a big imperative. Let us make serious attempts in this direction to see the difference.
Conclusion Parents across the country, have this fear. They are very much afraid that their girl child or the young adult could be physically abused or could turn deviant. The aforesaid steps can positively help in mitigating the dangers. They are no gaurantees for good behavior of the boys or girls or young men or women. Yet, we always need collective efforts to set right the wrongs in our society.
Hopefully, some precautions as discussed above will assist the process. Sadly, we do not have alternatives. Our society is now being torn apart by and through bad and very negative environmental influences of a very tall order.
This is an article which tells about the present scenario in the society. There is no concern for relations and ethics before their selfish needs and requirements. A daughter helping other people to kill her mother is nothing but brutal. We read about demons in the Puranas. We think they will be in a different look. But that is not true. These days we can't identify demons as they will be in the form of a man only. The behavior of the parents will also have an impact on these children's behavior. The parents should behave decently and should not give scope for the children to learn any bad qualities. Spending time on phones seeing social sites for longer durations should be stopped. They should teach their children ethics and good behaviour.
The parents should always have a watch on their kids especially when they are in high school and if there is any doubt one should take care so that they will never go off the rails.
The elders should stand as an example. The children will always learn by seeing their elders.
Nice article. Yes, these days kids are affected by social media. We have seen lots of cases in the past where the persons fell in love on FB and they became so close but when they met one of them got cheated. Therefore we should always have a check on our kids whether they are using these applications negatively.
It's always good to have interaction with the school teachers so that you may come to know about your kids. My wife has a habit of asking everything from the kids whenever they come home from outside. It's our duty to check and advise our kids to interact appropriately with strangers.