Introduction While we as human beings often tend to downplay our own weaknesses, there are times when some basic human emotions start displaying the absolutely undesirable consequences. These put off people so rapidly that we become hate figures. If that happens to our subordinates or to people who depend on us for their survival like drivers, servant maids and so on, we try the stick approach to bring them under our control. This works for a very short while and even timid people see through our games. We are back to square one. This is exactly we need to focus on a) Jealousy b) Hatred c) Fear and d) Anger.
While these are very basic to every human the different manifestations are very dangerous and can ruin persons or families. This is exactly why real-world observations and experiences can teach us many lessons. It is rather easy for us to draw appropriate inferences and move to the next activity. We always need to move on, don't we?
Jealousy This is perhaps something that many a time defies any rational explanation as to why it happens. This is because it happens in a torrent and we are often unaware that it has overwhelmed us in the first instance. This is the problem with jealousy. It happens so naturally. It does affect us every time.
What are its many manifestations? Firstly, we try to speak about it to another person. We attribute absolutely irrational motives to someone in that particular family. This author has seen it happen to bored housewives who are jealous of the boy who lives next door and studies in the same class as that of their son. Same school too. What should be a good relationship between classmates is converted into a very pleasant relationship.
"You know, Ms. Meena (name changed) is so proud of her son. She thinks her son is the most intelligent person in the whole world". There were the words she would use in any conversation with another neighbor's wife, also known to our family for a long time. Since it was a township, the relationships were damn close, unlike in the cities. Her own husband was a brilliant engineer who would never even listen to hear on such nonsensical statements.
This would go on for some time and then there would be the natural dying down of such statements since no one would listen to her. The concerned boy s father was an IIT Madras product. He was very humble and had a habit of doing all help to others. Even with the husband of this lady. Hence, her irrational emotion of jealousy would not hold water at all. However, it took a while for her to realize that her own son played cricket very well. The school teachers encouraged him so well. He went on to represent a particular district.
She was surprised when the brilliant boy's mother took up the responsibility of organizing a good tea party to celebrate the boy 's selection to the district team. At the same function, every single parent congratulated her and her son's achievements. She then realized her foolishness. She realized that each human being has some strength or the other, given to us by God. Once we realize this basic fact, we can cross the first stage of our self-awareness.
The second stage concerns every single effort that we should put in to capitalize on our strengths and eliminate our weaknesses. This is intimately connected with time management. If we utilize our time very well, we can cross many barriers. Time is the most precious resource we have.
The third stage of self-awareness is to just go over to the other person and praise him or her. Once this happens, we would have emptied the muck that we often carry in our minds.
The fourth stage of self-awareness is to reach out to others and praise the talent of the other person, in exactly the same manner as What the lady referred above did. This is the surest way to get over jealousy.
Similarly, there are some small little things that we should do. The fifth stage here is to divert the mind into doing something constructive. Like reading a book on high achievers. These are days when such books are published in all languages. This is the easiest thing to do.
The sixth stage is to spread the good word around to some very close friend. These things will surely help us to reduce jealousy.
Lastly, the simplest thing to do is to count on various blessings that we have had from God. For example, this author s child was premature by six weeks. She turned out to be so intelligent. Her survival was described by the doctor who treated her, as a "medical miracle". To this day, this is the best and most important blessing of God that this author has ever received.
HatredThis is even more dangerous than Jealousy. We often hate someone for some unknown reason. You might have had someone saying this: "I do not know why I hate him. When I see his face, I get irritated". This is the height of the hatred that is often in us. Even unconsciously.
Removing hatred has to happen through a very conscious process of accepting people as they are. We can often reason out to them when they behave strangely or out of conformity to decent norms of behavior. For example, smokers or those who booze. At best, we need to take them to counselors who can counsel them to give up their bad habits. However, we cannot and should not hate them. If they create a big public nuisance, we can report to the police and request them to take action. We ought to know that hatred leads to more hatred. This is one negative emotion that we can ill afford.
FearThis is another emotion that we need to remove from our minds. Fear is the only negative emotion that can pull us down at vital periods of our time. Yet, when we see the guts and determination of servant maids in the metro cities who go all out of the way and educate their sons and daughters in schools and colleges has to be seen to be believed. Several entrepreneurs in India, like the owner of the giant in ayurvedic medicine of all kinds called Hindustan Drugs, and the owner of the FMCG company called Cavinkare, who have resisted the constant offers from so many multinationals to buy them out.
The giant pharma company from India, called CIPLA, has repeatedly challenged many multinationals and has produced so many vital drugs at a reasonable cost. This is the sort of challenge that we need to accept as our own. If we look around, we will have several examples where very ordinary people put in their heart and soul into whatever they are doing and succeed so well.
In particular, look at the grooming industry. None of the player's fears for competition. Of late, the "herbal beauty care" experts are laughing all the way to the bank. They do not fear anything or anyone at all. At the center of their confidence is their ability to see and read the emerging market very carefully, even in the very small towns.
The steps to eliminate fear are a) just plunge into it ) learn from failures and from successes too c) take every challenge of the unknown with a smile and d) have patience in the process of working for the final result. Think of this: if our fathers had feared the consequences, would they have ever feard to invest in underdeveloped areas some thirty years ago, and then worked up all their savings to repay all the loans, at great cost? Would they have ever feared of the unknown? Remember, they had limited means then. They never got to earn the salaries that we did during our careers.
Anger How can we get over the anger, which is a very natural phenomenon? One key point is to look down when we are angry. This will help us maintain our cool. Secondly, we should resist the temptation of any distraction, like the horrible TV serials, which only make us angrier. Thirdly, we need to keep calm, even when we see atrocities like corruption going on around us. The best that we can do is to avoid the pain of the circumstances surrounding corruption. For example, even in Government offices, there are honest people at somewhat higher levels. We could complain against corruption at the lower levels. Or try to go online as far as possible to avoid corruption to the maximum extent possible. This is now excellently possible while booking tickets online, as the Indian Railways now publishes waiting list indicating vacancies, even after the chart is prepared.
Visiting temples or places of worship is another method of reducing anger. Counting all our blessings is another. Thinking of some small child also reduces our anger. The innocent pranks of the child would help us have positive vibrations and these could reduce our anger.
All the remedies are not textbook remedies. They are practical ones derived out real-world observations and experience. However, we can use the same experience of whatever we see to make our lives far better and reduce anger to the extent possible.
Conclusion What we need to do is to follow some common sense oriented remedies to remove our negative emotions to the extent possible. What we need to know is that as human beings, it is never ever easy to get things done in a jiffy. Things take time. The patience with which we deal with these emotions is always for the long haul.
As a human, we have these basic traits and it is not easy to control them all the time. They are created spontaneously and reach their apex, do the harm and then subside only to strike again in future in conducive environments.
We can say these are the weaknesses in us and we as an intelligent animal should try to keep these evils under control.
We know that these are the bad traits and unnecessarily create stress and excitement in us without any gain. Still most of the time we are unable to keep ourselves in composed form.
People who can conquer these evils inside them are the most successful and stress-free persons and can have a happy living. Controlling these elements is a great job and we must try to contain them to their minimal potential.