Introduction The woman in a man's life is so significant. In India, the institution of marriage is so sacred only because the woman is the center of all attraction and her behavior either makes or breaks a family. In almost ninety percent of the cases, the positive trends are seen. The women play a fabulous role in shaping the careers and the motivation of men. Though the modus operandi may differ from case to case, it becomes obvious that across cases where women have really been behind the success of their husbands, there are some commonalities. In the main, these are a) The excellent organizer b) The unmatchable motivator c) The psychological cushion for all brickbats of husbands d) The chief negotiator for family peace and harmony and e) The eternal optimist.
The excellent organizer This is a real-life success story. Since the family shuns publicity, the names are not given. The name of the company is also not given. This is a business family from Erode, a medium sized district headquarters town, some one hundred kilometers from Coimbatore City. This family is known to the author for decades.
The woman under reference was just a matriculate when she was married. Her husband was a clerk in the State Government. The man had three brothers and two sisters and all of them were economically far better off than the man. This was because they had studied very well. This guy was an ordinary BA ( Tamil), graduate. Though there was no comparison at any stage and two of the brothers lived only in Coimbatore city, the woman spotted a big potential in her husband: his attention to detail. She encouraged him to start some business. The man agreed but did not know what to do. Her maternal uncle was engaged in the marketing of spares for the textile industry. She suggested that she quit his job and join him. The aging uncle also wanted someone whom he could trust. The man not only grew the business but was instrumental in organizing it far better. The woman shifted the family to Coimbatore and started a small cottage industry manufacturing hand-made pickles. Since the taste was too good, the local retail industry lapped it up.
The textile spares business expanded far beyond Coimbatore and to other areas. New customers came in. Everything happened in a very systematic fashion, as the woman took care of the house so well and acted as the organizer of every small thing, including reminding him of any phone call he needed to make to a customer. The woman was so shrewd that she sort of made her fifteen years old son, a sort of apprentice. The boy also chipped in. Meticulous planning of the wife helped the business grow by leaps and bounds.
It is not only this woman. This author has seen so many housewives do the organizing part of the whole thing very well. There is a common belief that women are far better organizers than men. This is also true in most cases. Wherever the men are not bothered about anything in their homes and the woman takes care of anything. The studies of the children were well planned too. The first son is now doing the final year Mechanical engineering from the prestigious PSG College of Engineering, Coimbatore. Every small detail was so well planned by the woman. In fact, in Nokia, Chennai, when it was operational, most employees were women. They were too good at assembly jobs.
The unmatchable motivator The second case-study pertains to a lady, whose husband now sits on the Board of Unilever in its unit at Switzerland. This woman, who is now 43, planned the gradual growth of her husband so meticulously. Not on a single day would she ever talk anything negative. She would perpetually be there to motivate her husband, and phrases like "yes, you can do it". She would unbutton his shirt every day and would whisper a joke or two within the next twenty minutes after he settles down. She would relate to him what happened during the day, particularly the pranks of their three-year-old son ( the man was a General Manager of a unit at Haridwar then). Even when the man was angry, she would never ventilate any frustration. Within thirty minutes, one could see the man apologizing to his wife!!. She would welcome all guests home and treat them so well. Though the foreigners would have to be served the hot drinks, she would buy them whenever wanted and keep the house very clean.
She would help the man in every aspect of organizing things and took care of all investment. Today, the family owns flats in at least two cities. The man who is highly successful would share everything with his wife. Though the girl is a post-graduate, she would never ever think of employment, as her husband always had salaries that far exceeded all their wants. She would take part in all family functions and was a big live wire of the family. This is exactly what a woman is capable of doing. She is also a qualified Yoga trainer. She does some training off and on. Her husband would always praise her. In the family, there is nothing that will move without her knowledge. Every single marriage celebrated thus far, would have her as the Chief Planner and Executor.
The psychological cushion for all brickbats of husbands Men, who are under pressure to perform, always ventilate anger on their wives. They may or may not be employed. Yet, they bear all the brunt of brickbats. However, this author has seen from close quarters, women who are too intelligent in managing their husbands. Years ago, this girl, who was just an ordinary graduate from a very small town near Tanjore in South Tamil Nadu, would understand what would please her husband. Within a month, she would do exactly what he liked for food. She also got to know what he liked as far as her dressing was concerned. He liked Jasmine. He also liked to go to the temple on Sundays. The woman would dress with jasmine flowers and wear the traditional glass bangles on both arms. She would wake him up rather early and never allow him to rest until he would get ready to go to the temple. The sound of glass bangles would please him no end. This lady always acted as a psychological cushion for all his brickbats, particularly when he would come very late from office. ( he was a bank officer). Over a period of time, the man realized his folly and reduced ventilating all the anger on his wife.
She was not alone. This author, over a period of three decades, has witnessed this kind of patience and an ability to always act as a cushion. Even those who are just housewives would be seen reasoning out with her husbands, the exact course of action, in the most trying of circumstances. Not on a single occasion has the woman reacted violently. In the cities, this is becoming a bit rare. One can see the woman virtually demanding her space. The times have possibly changed and if the men do not change, there is always a problem. The cases under reference were from the real world, but mostly from non-metro environs.
The chief negotiator for family peace and harmony There were tensions in two weddings where the girl in the second case study ( the wife of the Unilever Senior Executive) when the other party (the parents of the bridegroom) were unhappy about something. For instance, she had already booked two AC rooms in a nearby superb hotel, just in case the people were not satisfied with the facilities in the marriage hall. She called the driver to take the people to the hotel. This immediately diffused the tensions. She would spring a surprise every time there was a quarrel. She would come up with some out-of-the-box solution and was highly knowledgeable about what and where to source anything important at any point in time. Need fresh furniture for the home? She would know about bargain deals and even quickly negotiate free home delivery!! She would order food for guests and give them a big surprise. This food would actually supplement what she had already ordered. This author has met with at least six other women, all wives of very successful men. Two of them are now settled in the USA.
The eternal optimistIn each of the cases mentioned above, the women were ( and are) eternal optimists. They would never buy a single argument that even suggested negativity. They would always find a solution for any problem. It is absolutely true that behind every successful man, there is a woman. Let this be true of more men!!
My personal observation is that a lady can organise the things in a much better way than the gents. How to get things done easily? How to react in case of an emergency? How to plan the expenditure? Such things are well managed by a lady. So when the husband requires some support she will give that.
Similarly, when the husband is in difficulties or problems, she will guide him and motivate him so that he will be successful. She knows better how to get the best out of her husband. She will talk and inspire him and make him realise his potential strengths. That will give an excellent inspiration to the husband.
She will be a mediator between her children and her husband and see that both the parties will be in a good mood and see that no one lose their temper. That way she makes the house a place of peace and harmony. By seeing the house and family members we can easily understand the housewive.
I accept that there will be a woman always behind every successful man. A good article from the author.