Attention Young Men: what life partners expect from you


Contrary to what is shown in movies, when the hero does all sorts of tricks to simply make the leading girl fall madly in love with him, the young woman of today has a mind of her own. Juxtaposed between tradition and modernity, she in search of an identity and a life partner who will give her, the actual space to grow. Some dimensions of these expectations are explained in this article.

Introduction

All young men, and even those who study in colleges and are very much immature read this article. If you think you can rush through a relationship and then make it work in a marriage, think again. Think again, 360 degrees. You can be wrong. Whether it is an arranged marriage or a love marriage, the young woman of today is streets ahead of her mother. She is far ahead in terms of clarity of careers, children, care of parents, savings and what have you. If you have not done your homework, do it now. She is bound to ask you all questions regarding each of these parameters.

Be that as it may, it does seem that across India, the young woman has started expecting many new things. These are things that were unthinkable some years ago. This author has met with women born and brought up in Indore, Ahmedabad, Mumbai, Kolkatta, Chennai, Hyderabad, and Trivandrum, among a few other cities. During his visits to Ranchi, for example, those of Tamil and Telugu origin, who were in a social function, had very much similar expectations of their future husbands and this was also true of most from the cities mentioned above. Yes, they are totally different from what their own mothers would have had as expectations. Today, it is a big process of "give and take" with several dimensions to it. Some of these are a) A fierce sense of security and honesty from the guy b) Fun loving and the "here and now" attitudes c) Will care for others but within limits only d) Longing for their own space and identity e) A big futuristic Vision with absolute clarity on each possible eventuality.

A fierce sense of security and honesty from the guy

First things first. Honesty and security are high on the agenda. The woman would even specify the kind of minimum salary requirements. After having studied commerce in an upmarket, yuppy college of high repute in Chennai, with a fabulous record of placements, a Tamil Brahmin girl would meet with not less than 20 different guys, who had passed the vital first stage of "matching of horoscopes". The girl did not find any guy matching her expectations and found at least fifty percent of them being mamma boys, even if they had worked elsewhere. This is one big lesson, The young woman is ready to respect elders, but within limits. The respect is mutual. Even if it is going to be a love marriage, this is what you can expect. Gone are the good old days when the daughter-in-law will stand right behind your mother. Absolute honesty is required from you. Be prepared for the hard grind. Today, the woman is totally different. They have a mind of their own. Period.

Fun loving and the "here and now" attitudes

They are all fun loving. They have dreams about their honeymoon. Motivated by the rich in their social circle, the young women from the upper middle class would like to honeymoon in Switzerland. No less. This is the expectation. For those who have been used to a high degree of emotional quotient where money alone does not make a difference, but a good display of emotions and feelings do, the young woman would nevertheless settle for an exotic honeymoon in the North of India and those from the North, in places like Ooty or Kodaikanal. So, be ready for the initial expense of at least Rs.,75,000 within India, and four times that amount, outside India.

Instant gratification is the name of the game. The women are least bothered about how your mother or their own mother would have suffered in those days. No sob stories. It is shopping in the biggest malls, eating out and at least ten days on Swiggy food. Be ready for this change. If you would say no to this game, you are gone. If you play ball, your chances of survival after the marriage will be very good. Even during the initial conversation, these kinds of things are likely to be discussed. Be ready. High spending is the name of the game. It is assumed that you draw a minimum take-home salary of over Rs.60,000, at least. Multiplexes and intimate talking is in. Movies can be seen only in air-conditioned multiplexes. Be ready for an electricity bill of over Rs.12,000 per month, if you live in Chennai, for the three months of April to June or in some equally hot location. The AC will keep running for hours on end. You need to grin and bear it.

Will care for others and take care but within limits only

If you have aged but ailing parents, rest assured. Your wife can at best be near their bedside for a few hours. She will not take leave and give up her career. Insisting on this can be disastrous. Yes, she will care for your mother or father. But on her terms. Even if it is a love marriage, things cannot be much different. Women today are very ambitious. They would like to break the glass ceiling, as it were. Making a big difference in their careers, upgrading their qualifications and so on, is now on. They are influenced by what they see around them. They are often attracted by role models from within the close circle of their friends and relatives. So, never imagine a girl who will happily apply for leave and take care of your ailing parents the way your mother possibly did. Those days are all but gone.

Longing for their own space and identity

This author was shocked to chat with a girl from Pudukottai, a town near Tiruchirapalli, the fourth largest city of Tamil Nadu. Though she had studied up to the school final level there and then moved on to Chennai, this MBA from the prestigious Great Lakes Institute of Management, Chennai, had views that would match those from New Delhi. She had rejected two guys who did not fit her bill. She would never ever give up her IT career. The work from home arrangement was worked out, the moment her parents started seeking a boy. That is, since she is so good at work, the bosses have agreed to give her maximum freedom to work from home, after marriage. The name of the company is not mentioned here, on her request. Her conditions were as complex as whatever has been described above. She would never budge an inch. "I will find my man, am confident" was all that she would say. She is 24 plus and her parents are worried. She is ready to wait for another 36 months. No issues. The parents are worried, But not this girl.

Two of her friends had applied for divorce within eighteen months. She is so keen to avoid that. So, she wants a guy who would fit her bill. The exact kind of guy who would share her dreams. Divorce is no more a dirty word. It is on. Young men, please watch out.

A big futuristic vision with clarity on eventualities

It all adds up, rather nicely. Read deep into meanings from whatever has been described above as what the young women want. You will get it. The Vision is deep. It is crystal clear. The young woman of today has dreams that are based on realistic appraisals of all their strengths. Of their weaknesses. They are ready to explore all possibilities. They are really not bothered about others. If you would tend to think that this should not be the case, you would possibly never ever get married. Or try to get someone with the bare minimum of exposure from a village, that is cut off from civilization, in that real sense of the word. No matter what you do, no matter what your financial position is, be very clear: the new deal if totally different. It is a deal. Or no deal. The choice is yours. All the very best!!

Conclusion

No matter from where they hail from. No matter whether they are employed or not. The young woman of today, want heroes. No less. Those who will really care for them. And their dreams. It is positively not the filmy kind of love. It is a lot more. A whole big package. So, get prepared for the new game. Get to understand what it takes. You will play it with the new rules if you are prepared. You do not have any choice, though.


Comments

Author: Varghese09 Jun 2019 Member Level: Gold   Points : 3

A good article mentioning the women of the 21st century but I felt that the author forgot that the men here too are of the latest trend. They too want their women to be the same as mentioned.

When a man is thinking of settling down, he too thinks of all these factors, maybe because of the society that he is living in. He wants his women to be educated, free minded, social, active, caring, happy go lucky than the Rakhi-Gulzar type. In my understanding, the new generation has a good vision & are very clear about what they want from their Partner(Spouse/Live-in). Now, many of them are well to do, or in a middle class open minded family where even parents want their children to choose their partners. The only request is that as marriage is the bonding of two - the families (Man & Woman Side) & the society - they need to give them space to live their life & provide a good atmosphere & support in their journey of Familyhood.

Author: R.Mano Chitra11 Jun 2019 Member Level: Silver   Points : 9

I really appreciate your interest and time in writing this article. For sure it would help those who are in the process of searching for a bride and of course for women to understand how to cooperate for a peaceful life.

Not all the girl's expectation is the same. Maybe 80% of city girls have expectations(being a girl I don't have such expectations and I got to know about it from a TV show debate) as exactly mentioned. Another category of girls just expects a responsible, respectful guy with a good salary, of course, to maintain a family and who is ready to take care of her and his family equally. Equality plays an important role for newly married couples and it takes time to get used to it. Listening and responding are great things that attract a person and lets one to long for the partner's presence.

It varies as per the girl's expectation and nature when it comes to shopping and other expenses to have fun. Almost all are passionate about cooking and takes care of their own chores. Once in a while, they may place orders for food online just for a change or due to lack of time. Actually, husband should help working wife at house as she is helping the family financially. Honeymoon expenses should be budgeted during marriage plans to have smooth days. Girl's attitude generally changes based on the way she is treated at the boy's house. In fact, in this case girls are like mirror.

The newly married couple expects own space to have a better understanding even if it is a love marriage. When it is a love marriage, guys should keep in mind that the care they showed before marriage should remain as it is even after marriage. Due to work pressure and family burden the nature of men would change. Recharge your love whenever it is required. Equal and mutual understanding is always good rather than trying to dominate each other.



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