8 things married men must stop doing
Marriage is not just a union of two people. Marriage is also about love, respect, commitment and communication. What things do you need to change about yourself to make your marriage a happy association? Let's find out what women want from their husbands.
It is interesting how society expects how a woman should behave, particularly so, when the woman is married. There are always restrictions imposed upon women, and after marriage, the restrictions become obligations. However, no one reminds men what they are should do. There aren't (m)any do's and don'ts imposed on men.
I am taking the liberty to tell married men what they should not do in a marriage. Unlike many of my other articles, this piece is not an outcome of my personal experiences. I have compiled the information after reading various interviews given by married women on all the things they dislike in their husbands. It made an interesting read, and it made me want to convert it into an article, so married men can do a little self-analysis and make changes in their attitude towards their relationship with their wife.
The interviews highlighted the many bad habits that most married men are guilty of. These habits are destructive and sabotage the relationship. If you are a married man, reading this, please pay heed, it could save your marriage, create a better understanding and trust between you and your wife.
It is time to make some radical behavioural reforms if you want a better relationship with your wife. You are a married man now, so yes, a little maturity is expected. This is not a comprehensive list of things that men do (read continue to do post marriage), but yes, the list comprises of the most common unacceptable behaviours of married men, according to the ladies.
Being excited about a sport, more than about your wife and child I have put this on the top of the list because of the Cricket World Cup, currently on. I am a huge cricket fan myself, yet I do not display a 'fanatical' attachment to the sport, the kind that most men have. Think of the unproductive hours spent in front of the television. Yes, it is 'me time', but it is also time that encroaches upon family time.
It is alright to be passionate about something, but it is not fine to live vicariously all through the World Cup and the IPL season, at the expense of your wife and child. Draw a line somewhere, learn to participate in the happenings around their lives. Become excited about real people; after all, they are family. A missed catch or that impressive six can wait, television always has a replay, life does not.
Watching porn This is going to offend a lot of you, not because I have used an offensive word, but because I am showing them the mirror. A lot of people, most of who are men, watch porn regularly, married men included. Don't believe me? Go ahead, Google it – the data will surprise you.
Marriage is about intimacy, and porn is about objectification. Watching porn in the confines of your home may seem right; it is not illegal. However, it does titillate, and it does incite pleasure, and so it is akin to infidelity, of the virtual kind. Why would you watch someone else for your sensual pleasures?
Watching X-rated stuff is like a drug that gives you a high. It becomes an addiction, and you begin needing it regularly. It is like bringing a new person into your relationship, every time you watch porn. Same with online chatrooms – they too equate to infidelity. Marriage is about monogamy, and monogamy goes out of the window when you find pleasure through virtual platforms. Create stronger intimacy between you and your wife, spice things up. She feels inadequate, every time you watch porn.
Not paying attention Do you zone out when your wife speaks to you? Do you listen when she speaks to you or do you intermittently utter 'hmm', to show that you are with her?
Men are inherently different from women, that is understandable, but you have to make a conscious effort to connect with your partner. It is a relationship, and she deserves your undivided attention – be there when she initiates a conversation. Listen to her and respond to her.
Roving eyes Checking out other women is uncivil behaviour. No, it is not alright to ogle at women in public, no matter how a woman is dressed or how desirable she looks. Do not give sly sideward glances to view other women - your wife can see you do it. Do not turn around to watch a woman who walked past you.
Stop and think about how she must feel when you do any of these things. It is disrespectful to the wife, and it is the objectification of the other woman. Men often say they were looking or admiring a thing of beauty and laugh it off as if it was nothing. It is just not done, period. Don't flirt with other women, that too is not a decent thing to do. Now that you are married stop being a ladies man.
Giving no time It is easy to take your partner for granted. After the initial newness of the relationship wears off, husbands stop giving their wives their time and affection. They focus on their career, friends and interests, and spare no time for the wife and child.
Space is essential in a marriage, but so is togetherness. Do not become complacent in your relationship. Continue to do things for your wife to keep the romance alive. Have date nights, go out for dinner or catch a movie. Order in food, and spend time together. Women seek companionship in a relationship. A hug, a cuddle and a how was your day, can make a woman feel loved and wanted.
Your career, your friends, your hobbies and your me time are essential, but so also the woman you married. Do not give her the dregs; she deserves better. Make that effort to spend quality time with her, and that does not mean satisfying your bodily needs. That does not count.
A marriage needs effort from both partners. You don't want to end up disgruntled and unhappy after a few years. That is what happens when you don't keep the spark alive. Stop working on auto, work on your relationship.
Addicted to smart devices Put that phone away, shut the laptop, detach yourself from the digital world for at least an hour, while you are at home. Can you do it? There is a relentless urge to stay connected to the digital profiles of people you know. You check every update you receive. It is not necessary. When you are at home, be fully present, shut off the gadgets and bond with the wife and kids.
You are a family, so behave like a member of the family, Spend time with the members, tell them about your day and do things together, instead of having your eyes glued to your smartphone.
Not sharing responsibilities The family that you come home to every day is yours. The house you call home is yours, and so are the children. So, why don't you share the responsibilities? You need to step in, more so if your wife is a working woman. Lend a hand doing the household chores. Help her with the chopping and the cleaning. Do not throw your clothes around creating a mess, clean up after you, get the groceries. Your wife is not a robot; don't expect her to do all the household chores with a smile. Chip in whenever you can, do your bit.
Women hate it when their husbands throw their wet towel on the bed or pile up their clothes on the chair. Women want their man to help around the house and be an equal partner, sharing responsibilities.
Childcare and fathers Things are changing on this front, but there are still a lot of men who do not share childcare responsibilities with the wife. Chip in, become a hands-on dad. Change the diapers, bathe your baby, feed the baby, play with the baby and put the baby to sleep. That baby is yours too. Share a bond with your baby and build beautiful memories.
Do you identify with any of the habits illustrated in this piece? Are you one of those men? Why not make a resolution to work on your problem areas? Your family deserves a loving, caring man, who demonstrates that he loves and cares through his actions.