10 couple goals for a healthy marriage (relationship)


Are you married or in a relationship? Do you have any relationship or couple goals? Have you decided on what you are going to do to make your relationship work? Find our expert tips to practice to be in a happy marriage or relationship. Learn the do's and don'ts in a marriage.

Most couples get into relationships and marriage without setting goals for themselves. They take things lightly. They have no roadmap or direction for the relationship to go, except, of course, the general perception based on everyone's opinion, of what a 'happy marriage' should be.
These opinions are generally based on cultural and religious backgrounds or purely on how people were conditioned throughout their growing years. Childhood experiences and lessons learnt have a powerful and unforgettable impact that can last through a lifetime, if not rectified. If their parents could live together despite their differences, inevitably, they can too, is a common perception.



In our country, that is how the majority look at marriage and relationships. The need to work on the relationship or the marriage is not something that couples give a thought. They have well-defined roles to play in their union, and most people follow by example, doing what other couples in their social circles and families do.

It's hard to know what to look for in a person; you choose to be your spouse. However, you can work at making the relationship fruitful, in every respect. 'Couple goals' is the new buzzword doing the rounds. But couple goals cannot be defined by the Instagram stories or WhatsApp statuses or Facebook posts. What is posted on social media accounts is an illusion, far from reality. You don't want to be one of those couples, but you still love all their lovey-dovey pics.

We love the fantasies

Fake couples create fantasies which other couples want to emulate. Their perfect life seems like a dream and people become so obsessed with what these influencers offer that they want their lives to be similar to theirs. The closeness and love shine through their intimate pictures. It's a life that the others wish was theirs and that becomes their couple goal. What they don't realise is that everything posted on social media is not real.

True couple goals to imitate in a relationship

Not to say that all social media posts are unreal, there are some genuine couples too, with realistic couple stories. The thing is that the world gets to see just the rosy pics; no one puts up their tales of horror and the hard times that their relationship endures. It wouldn't make a good story.

Real couple goals cannot be found in social media stories. It is not something that can be clicked and made immortal, not even in this digital world. Real couple goals don't have a face; they can be experienced but are not visible. It is not something that you can capture and get a lot of likes. It is something that you live.

Couples should work towards real relationship goals –

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Honesty

Be brutally honest with each other. That should be on top of the list for couples wanting to make a difference in their relationship. Being honest doesn't only mean letting your significant other, know when they do something undesirable; it is more than that. It is not about too much salt in a dish or that wet towel left on the bed.

Honesty is about real-life things. It is about being honest about partying with friends, instead of lying about being at work. It is about being open about helping your parents or siblings financially, instead of keeping it a secret. It is also about being honest about problems in the relationship. Every couple goes through issues. An interfering mother-in-law or a dominating spouse - be honest and open about how you feel with aspects that you see as a problem. However, it also means that you find a solution to that problem.

You don't just give an honest opinion and not welcome a discussion. That's not how it works. When you say something, be willing to listen to the other's point of view. Egos shouldn't come in between nor should revenge – I'll get back at you. That's a No.

Keeping an opinion to yourself because it might trigger a fight is also not the way to go. You don't want to harbour the resentment that comes with it. Sometimes, not being honest can also cause guilt and pain. Don't allow that to happen. Secrets can sometimes fester and also kill a relationship. Be honest, even if it's hurtful, and find ways to deal with it, together.

Create a relationship where both can be frank and respect opinions. When there is no fear of hurt or fights, in saying what you feel, that is the kind of honesty that a couple must-have. There are always ways to make this honesty thing work, you have to give it a try, and while you are honest with your partner, be honest with yourself too. Your honesty should not result from the 'I know better' attitude.

Trust

No relationship can survive without trust, and when it comes to couples, there must be steadfast trust between them. You trust your partner with your feelings, your darkest secret, your money, your house and worldly goods, you trust them implicitly and unconditionally, and they trust you much the same way.

It is the kind of bond that must exist between couples. That trust must never be broken because it destroys the relationship, sometimes beyond repair.

Communication

Communication is a major key factor in the building of healthy, strong partnerships. Keep communication channels open, at all times. You or your partner should not be hesitant in broaching any subject with each other. Being able to have a conversation with your significant other, without anxieties, without holding yourself back, is vital in a healthy relationship.

When you set yourself 'couple goals', you allow each other the freedom to express yourselves. Communication can be about minor issues like dividing household chores or significant issues like starting a family or finances, etc. Still, the goal should be to get through communication without problems.

Communication lets you talk things over and avoids misunderstandings. There are fewer fights, and you learn to get through when you do. Communication is a way of ensuring that you understand each other and your needs are met with. It strengthens the bond between couples because you can relate to each other.



Not changing

Not losing your identity in a relationship allows you to be yourself. You don't have to change the way you are and become someone else. Neither does your partner have to change themselves. Yes, you do change and become a better person, but your core values and your attachments and emotions, etc., shouldn't alter.

Change usually occurs because you are expected or forced to fit into a mould, and when that happens, it sours things. It brings in a lot of pressure, and it brings in conflict and resentment, and that is bad for any couple. So, allow your partner to be who they are, and you be who you are. Change only to add value to your relationship, not because of familial or societal pressures. Don't change yourself, but men must make a conscious effort to to stop doing these things.

Me time

Me time is crucial, for emotional and mental health. Most times, couples believe that they have to be glued to each other because they are married. It is fine to spend time doing your own thing, and that goes for both partners. It is fine to spend time apart.

So, go out with your friends and do your own thing and don't object when your spouse does the same. If it's okay for a man to watch cricket with his buddies, it is alright if the woman spends time with her friends.

Take time out from your busy schedule for some quality 'me time'. Do things you like doing, pick up a hobby, pick up a book to read, do some gardening or step into the kitchen and put your culinary skills to use. You need that breathing space; it helps you be you and helps in releasing stress.

Spend time together

While 'me time' is important, it is also crucial that couples spend time together, doing things they love. Schedule dates, so you can be together. It could be a movie night or an outdoorsy weekend trip. Spending time together is good for the relationship. It makes you stay in love.

Arguing is healthy

Arguing over stuff, not silly things, but stuff that matters is healthy for a relationship. However, don't forget to makeup. It is good to have opinions and be able to talk about stuff that you feel strongly about, rather than keeping it bottled up. Arguing is not about gaining an advantage, it is more about having your say, and having your partner hearing you out.

Always get into a discussion, knowing that there has to be a middle ground. It cannot be your way all the time. And an argument is not necessarily a fight, so don't make it a battleground.

Learn to sacrifice

There is always some amount of 'give and take' in every relationship. Know that both of you are equal partners in the relationship. There will be times when you will need to sacrifice certain things. It could mean giving up on small things, such as sleeping in late when your partner has an early morning flight to catch or making big sacrifices such as giving up your job because your partner has an excellent offer that has them moving to another state.

Healthy relationships require making sacrifices because you care for your partner's happiness. These sacrifices are without resentment; they are an act of love.

Have conversations

After a few years into a relationship, many couples stop having conversations with each other. Both become so caught up in their routines that they don't spend time talking with each other. Conversations are important; they keep a relationship going. Have meaningful conversations, and not 'I'll be late today' or 'dinner is ready' or something similarly mundane.

Discuss things that make you connect. It could be sports or talk about a vacation plan. Have deep conversations, maybe about pollution or gender equality or that editorial page you read in the morning newspaper. Your conversations should be more than a discussion about mandatory everyday things – they should be about matters that make you feel educated, where you've gained information.



The quintessence BFFs

Can couples be buddies? Yes, they can. Partners can be the best buddies because there is so much they share – right from personal space to emotions. Your partner is the one person who knows you better than anyone else. Even your parents don't know you the way your partner does.

People lose all inhibitions with their partners, not just physically, but also emotionally. You know your partner's fears, secrets, desires, wants, dreams, etc., and this builds a bond, stronger than any other.

You also share the same passion and dreams. You look at the present and the future together. And your partner is someone you love, and want to spend life's ups and downs with. Your partner is there with you, every step of the way. So, why not treat your partner as your best buddy.


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Comments

Author: Venkiteswaran07 May 2020 Member Level: Diamond   Points : 7

While every interpersonal relationship needs care and sensitivity to maintain and nurture, the husband-wife relationship is all the more important because that is a relationship and togetherness expected to remain till death.

After becoming an adult one gives first importance to self. However, after marriage, the importance becomes shared. There is mutual importance and priority for both. The strength of this relationship grows as the 'self only' feeling of the partners start getting reduced and slowly move towards a joined and fused 'we two' in everything. Then slowly all the barriers of the initial days like different upbringing, education, tastes, preferences etc slowly disappear and merge by conscious compromise through complementing and supplementing. Thus the two separates become a big united 'One'. This is but easier said than done. The earlier such a merged relationship is achieved, the better and lasting the relationship would be.

That is why this article gives some tips and goals to enable cementing a good and lasting relationship. Though they are not the only or full tips and guidelines, they are important and to be practised as a beginning.



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