Introduction Irrespective of whatever position a person holds, the moment he or she gets married, there are totally new and different equations that emerge. The old ways of thought, behavior, and action need to be considered. What worked some years ago, will no more work. They will be totally irrelevant now. We need to understand what it takes for the young couple to make their married life a big success.
In the main, it does turn out that the newlywed couples need to a) totally understand each other b) Have clear role clarity on domestic work c) Having an understanding on handling relatives and friends d) Start saving for the distant future right now e) Take care of safety issues and f) Never allow personal habits to lead to conflict.
Totally understand each other Unless the marriage is a love marriage, in every arranged marriage, the time that one gets to understand the other life partner is rather less. The what'sup messages and the late-night conversations over the phone often lead to massive conflicts even before marriage. The only way to undo any such damage is to meaningful engage in detailed conversation, understanding each other quite well. This process should not be restricted to hours or just a few days. It should be an engaging kind of conversation that makes both life partners really understand each other on all issues, including what one likes or not in matters like food, dressing, socializing, etc. If there are serious differences of opinion, some element of compromise in quite in order. For instance, in a particular family, the girl was from a location around Salem in Tamil Nadu. Married into a rather liberal family in New Delhi. the girl felt like a fish out of water. The husband quickly understood her situation and made her comfortable by literally taking his wife out for dinner three days a week. The frank conversations revealed that the girl was good at vocal Carnatic music. Within just four months, she was able to handle classes at home for some school girls who were interested in learning Carnatic music. The husband also put her through an advanced training course in English at the British Council. She quickly learned Hindi and was able to become a trainer in Soft skills.
Have clear role clarity on domestic work Most men understand the modern days quite well. The age-old thinking about domestic chores is gone. They also actively take part in every small thing. However, it is observed that in some cases, the mothers-in-law seriously pitch in and create problems for the daughter-in-law. This is just not appreciated at all by any girl and more so, the highly educated ones.
It is hence extremely important for the men to take a personal interest and iron out any differences. And the parents on either side need to be understanding too. The good old days are all but gone.
Having an understanding of handling relatives and friends There should be absolute clarity on handling any relative and close friends, even if they are colleagues. It is unwise to have any booze party at home. This can sometimes lead to unpleasant consequences, more so, if the men come home without their wives.
And regarding colleagues, it is advisable to take them out for dinner but not entertain them at home. Today, nuclear families need more privacy than ever before. Friends can be a hindrance to this. Yes, very close friends who are known to either life partner for decades are different. This is because they would know such friends very intimately and they would also belong to a totally different category. Relatives can come calling any time, but it is advisable to request them to come after four full months. Too much attention and time spent on engaging and hosting relatives can only lead to conflicts at a later stage. This is all the more so if the particular city is totally new to even one life partner.
Start saving for the distant future right now This is one important issue. I have been personally advising many young couples, including the high network individuals to start saving over a thirty-year-old span. Even assuming that the man is just 23 years old, thirty years down the line, he would be 53. The PPF accounts should be immediately opened in both names. Regular amounts should be saved in such amounts. It is important to note that one can keep on extending the PPF account after fifteen years and the entire amount is non-taxable. The Government of India is unlikely to change any rule and make the proceeds taxable.
Similarly, investment in equity-oriented growth funds, even with amounts as small as Rs.10,000 is advisable and such investments should have the growth option. Even assuming a growth rate of ten percent, after a twenty-year span, the amount would have grown to even four times the figure. Simultaneous investment in term insurance plans for huge amounts like 50 lakh in either name is advisable. These are days of uncertainty and it is absolutely essential that both lives should be adequately covered. The SBI Life Insurance company has a policy that returns the premiums without interest after the policy period. Life insurance should be taken when the person is just in his or her twenties. The premiums for the pure term plan with return of premium without interest would be really affordable. And it is wise to have regular fixed deposits to take care of the amounts involved, year after year. All these plans have to be put in place. It is also not advisable to invest huge amounts in small flats in the metro cities. One should stay on only for rent, And also keep shifting to different cities for work. If the value-addition happens in Mumbai, so be it. But planning an investment in an independent house in one's native village or small town or nearby town that is now developing is a very wise decision. Clarity on such investments should be got ready right now.
Take care of safety issuesThese are days when no one is safe in cities. Even men living alone are not safe. If either life partner has to leave for home on some urgent work or official work, it is advisable to take all precautions. If the rented house does not have a safety net in terms of identifying who has come calling, it is advisable to have one. For instance, there are houses with two doors. If one door is opened, the other steel door can still be locked. One should cultivate good friendships with everyone on the same floor in any gated community. It is even wise to inform the police to have a check if the house is locked. And not a single debit or credit card or even the smallest jewelry should be kept in the house at any point of time.
Never allow personal habits to lead to conflict If either life partner is non-vegetarian and the other is a pure vegetarian, no attempt should be made to impose anything on the other life partner. Similarly, if the man or woman has a habit of waking up rather late or smoking at home, conflicts of a serious order can happen. The wisest way to manage such conflicts is to simply have a detailed discussion and draw up solutions to each behavioral pattern pertaining to personal habits.
Conclusion A little bit of communication, of giving and taking and clearer understanding of any issue, as discussed above, can go a long way in making the life of newlywed couples that much happier at any point in time.
Once a couple gets married, the two will have a common life. Before marriage, the understanding will be purely dependent on personal requirements and wishes. But once the pairing is over they should think of each other and see that one's wishes and requirements should not become irritating to the other. So there should be a good understanding between the two. The two should discuss and try to understand each other well. One should give equal respect to the thoughts and wishes of the other person. Where to adjust and how to make the things common is to be understood well. That will give them a better-married life.
Once the two have become together there should not be yours and mine among them. Everything should be ours only. This concept is to be inculcated among the two. That will make both to understand the relatives of each other well and both will have a common understanding of the relatives and friends.